IF I HAD KNOWN.

IF I HAD KNOWN.

My love life wasn't fun and Rosy. Truly, all relationships had their ups and downs but mine was more than I could bear.

I was involved in my first relationship when I was in my senior secondary school two, and it was a sort of relationship that started out of pity. Yes, it was a one sided relationship. I tried all I could to make the relationship work, I did as he always said, I gave myself to him whenever he wanted me. Still, it was an unrequited love, he never loved me and it was really obvious, neither did he try to hide it. Till now I still wonder how and why he asked me out to be his girlfriend when he was never interested in me.

After holding on to the relationship for almost three years, he finally got tired of me and broke up with me. Honestly, I wasn't taken off guard, because I actually expected it, I expected the day he'd break up with me, albeit I did cry because not only was he my first, but I cried because I feared that I wouldn't find someone that would ever love me.

Three years passed and I was still single, I had no one to woo me or make passes at me. I blamed all that on my lack of beauty. I wasn't pretty as other girls, but I knew well that I wasn't ugly. Perhaps it could have also been because I was a nerd without glasses. Don't get me wrong, I've seen nerds that are really beautiful and trendy but I was. . .just there.

During my remaining years in the university, I always prayed hard to God for my own prince charming, my own knight in shining armor, my own love, and believe me when I say God did heed to my prayers, because I found one when I got my first job at a university. Anyways, what I didn't know was that I should have been careful. What I didn't know was that I was making a really big mistake that could destroy my plans. What I didn't know was that I was in for a journey that I would never forget.

What I didn't know was how ugly love could get, but if I had known. . .

|MONDAY 21ST SEPTEMBER 2020.|

Grrr! Grrr!!

The alarm clock's loud ringing reverberated directly into my ears, resulting in the opening of my eyes. I groaned in annoyance, rolling and turning on the bed. I wasn't much of a morning person but I knew I had to get my small butt off the bed.

"It's six already?" I asked myself as I yawned and stretched my muscles, sitting up straight on my bed tiredly.

It was going to be my first day at the private and well renowned ORANGE UNIVERSITY— where I had been newly employed as an assistant mathematics lecturer.

In the whole of Nigeria I was one of the youngest mathematicians, graduating with a first class upper – a GPA of 4.85. My success was carried by both the newspaper article and television program and my name; Tiwalade Alade, couldn't leave the mouths of most broadcasters and citizens of Nigeria for some period of time. I was used as an example and a model to upcoming mathematicians. Always invited for seminars to advise students on ways to be a great mathematician, just like myself. Also that achievement of mine made my parents very proud of me, especially my mum and anytime she had the opportunity, she would brag about it to virtually anyone and everyone.

Also, being a genius in mathematics was one of my 'superpowers.'

Although my job at Orange University wasn't one that I was planning to do for long, I just wanted to work for sometime so that I could be able to sponsor myself abroad for my Master's degree and PhD, also I really needed to get a beautiful car for myself.

"Lazy girl, you're awake." My best friend and my roommate Sewa Okus said as she walked into my room.

"Good morning to you too," I looked at her smiling.

She grinned then collapsed on my bed. "My bad, good morning my lady."

"Yeah right, I'm not deaf, Sewa. I can hear the sarcasm dripping in your voice." I told her.

I saw her roll her eyes, pulled my duvet and covered her body as she pretended to fall asleep while I just smiled at her antics. That was Sewa, she was the complete opposite of me, and one of the best things that could ever have happened in my life then. She was a socialite, the life of the party, an extrovert and extremely beautiful. Sewa was someone that one could call a melanin goddess with black eye orbs — unlike my own black brown orbs — standing out from her white pupils. Her black skin never missed its glow, unlike my own dry skin. Even after all the creams and oil she'd introduced to me, my skin just didn't want to glow like hers, it was a really hard skin.

"So why are you up so early?" Sewa's eyes were still closed as she asked that question.

"You've forgotten?" I had to ask because I was totally shocked that my best friend didn't remember that it was my first day at work, even after ringing it into her ear throughout the previous day. "It's my first day at work, Remember? I told you yesterday," I'd told her and I didn't wait for her response before I continued. "And believe me I don't want to be late."

She rose from the bed, still using the duvet to cover her body as she sat near me embracing me into a bear hug — which by the way, was really suffocating.

"Sewa, you - are kil- ling me." I choked out and she released me instantly, using her hands to caress my hair.

"Mi love, I'm so sorry," she was still caressing my hair whilst I just had a huge smile on my face. "Forgive me, my love. I totally forgot about it, I promise it won't happen again."

I laughed as she continued to apologize. The voice she'd used to apologize was really funny, it sounded like that of Squidward from SpongeBob SquarePants.

"You're laughing?" I shook my head in response to her question. "So, am I forgiven?"

I nodded. "You know I can't get angry, especially at you. Anyways, what are you doing today? Anything out of the way?"

"No, just my same normal routine." Sewa was a blogger which made her spend most of her time at home and when she wasn't home, it could be that went to shoot for a clothing line, she went to a party, she went to see a friend, or perhaps she went to see her parents.

"Okay then," I said, standing up simultaneously. "I better take my bath now, so I won't be late."

"Okay milady." sewa grinned, falling back unto my bed as she used my duvet to cover all her body, so, technically she was invisible under the duvet.

After I took my bath, I entered my room but Sewa wasn't there anymore.

I walked straight to the stool near my bed where I used to keep all my creams and body oils. I sat on the bed, unwrapped myself off my towel and used it to clean myself dry, afterwards I proceeded to rub my body, and when I was done I walked towards my closet and brought out a pair of underwear, they were new by the way. My mum always had an intuition that if one wears a pair of new underwear on the first day of work or school, those days in that office or school would be successful and smooth.

My reason for getting new underwear.

I took out a gown from my wardrobe, stretched it out as I itched my hair which was covered with a bonnet. A smile was plastered on my face as I admired the gown for the thousandth time — no exaggeration. I just couldn't stop admiring the gown since I'd bought it, because that gown was just so beautiful, also expensive. And yes, the gown was brand new; it was plain white, well apart from the puffy sleeve hand which was graced with black stripes.

Once I'd put on the gown, I got rid of the bonnet covering my newly made box braids. I went over to the small wall mirror in my room and styled my hair into a ponytail, then wrapped the mouth into a doughnut. I also made sure to do my edges, I used a lip balm, then wore my tiniest earring, a black wristwatch, picked a moderate wedge shoe and my medium sized handbag.

After I was done with my dressing, I looked at myself in the mirror and without doubt I knew I looked extremely okay and decent, and like they say 'first impression matters' so I was trying to make a lasting good first impression for myself.

I rushed out of my room, straight to the parlor where I saw Sewa laying on the three seater cushion, watching a TV program.

The program she was watching was my favorite program, it was called 'Your view' — where a group of ladies come together and discuss problems affecting Nigeria, the society and the world at large. I didn't know when I sat down on the single couch watching the TV program, all I knew was that I was really engrossed in the program and the topic they were talking about really piqued my interest.

"I made toast," I turned to Sewa who was lying on the three sitter, but her eyes didn't leave the TV. "Do you care?"

"Oh my, thanks Sewa." I told her and she stood up, moved towards the kitchen whilst I fixed my gaze back to the TV.

"Oh. My. God!" I heard Sewa shout from the kitchen whilst I quickly stood up because I was so scared.

I was on my way to the kitchen when I saw Sewa come out with a plate of toast and a cup of tea. "Why did you shout?" I was still scared whilst she just smiled.

"Tiwa, you're late!"

She'd said and I looked down at the watch on my wrist and it was my turn to scream. "Oh my God!!"

I ran to the couch I was seated on, took my bag and as I was about to walk out of the house Sewa dragged me back by my hand.

"Sewa, I'm late. I need to start going." I told her.

"Not without eating," I was about to open my mouth to contest when she stuffed a toast into my mouth and I chewed on it as quick as possible, collected the cup of tea from her and chugged it down, then I took the remaining two slices of toast on the plate before I moved out of the house.

I couldn't stop thinking as I moved out of my compound. I was late and I knew it, though it was just 07:25am, and I had to be in school before eight, but it was impossible. I couldn't beat the traffic and on a normal day the drive from my house to the university was just thirty minutes but if there was traffic, one could spend more than an hour on the road.

I've failed in making my first impression_ I thought to myself as I stopped a taxi.