The Morning Star

I'm running through the forest, I fall and scrap my knees and hands. But I don't care I keep running I can feel him getting closer to me. I need to go to him, I need him. Him. He's a tall dark figure, his back is the only thing I see, his dark hair falling down to his nape, it look like black satin. I'm finally close enough to touch him, for him to turn around and show me his face.

Beep beep beep.

The alarm woke me up, it's 6:30 am on a Sunday, I know what you're thinking why am I up so early on a weekend. It's SUNDAY that means it's CHURCH day and I can't skip that unless I want my grandpa to skin me alive. He's the priest of our small town, my mother got pregnant with me when she was sixteen her father kicked her out, she lived on the street till she gave birth to me, she died due to pneumonia when I was three months old.

My father her high school sweetheart and school bad boy refused to acknowledge my existence.

So of course the good priest and distressed father took me in to raise me as his own.

I hate my grandfather, he's the reason my mother died, where was his mercy when she was sick, I knew she came and asked for help after I was born, I knew cause he told me in cold voice how he kicked both of us out to the rainy night.

She died three nights after and since she was in town he had to take me in, he had to play the role of the loving father who lost a daughter.

It's all lies, a big play he put out for the people to see, our town is small population of two thousand person and only one church and one pastor.

He's being worshiped no one does anything without his approval.

Behind closed door it's another story and another world, he'll beat me all the time sometimes in the name of Jesus, saying he's trying to teach how to be a good Christian. He hates me, hate that we're stuck here together, hate the fact that my mother got pregnant with me and brought shame to his name.

My name is Nicholas, my mother named me, I have my mother looks, her green eyes and blond hair. That's all I got from her, my grandpa burned all her belonging after he kicked her out, I don't even have a picture of her. I only know I look like her from other people words, when I was growing up I used to hear the sentence "little Katherine" or "copy of his mother".

Our similarities cause me more harm than good, I'm the walking shame, the bastard son, a reminder of her mistakes, someone to take the blame.

I get up and go get ready for church arriving late will guarantee a belting. I go through my morning routine from shower, washing my teeth, combing my hair all while thinking about that dream, that same dream about that man. I turned seventeen two weeks ago and it's when the dream started, every single night when I get close enough to see his face I jolt in bed awake.

I walk down the kitchen to see grandpa sitting drinking his coffee, I stand next to the door and wait for him to acknowledge me, I'm not allowed to get in without his permission, when he nods his head I walk in,

"Good morning sir" I say, I'm not allowed to call him grandpa it's sir in private and pastor in public.

After breakfast made by me, cleaning the kitchen we head toward the church, I do some chores around here too like cleaning and organizing.

People start to show up around eight, the service start at eight thirty sharp. I force a smile on my face and greet the people, I have to be polite and respectful although I would love to beat half of them.

Well except Riley, he's new to town and got a special charm, he's really sweet to me and I'm sure he's the only one in town who don't call me bastard the moment I turn my back.

He sit next to me in during the service while we listen to my grandpa speaking about... God knows what I wasn't paying him any attention my whole focus was on Riley, he have a sharp jaw, how his shirt extend over his prominent muscles, his brown eyes and brown curls that I just wanted to mess with.

After the mass was over and the crowd began to thin my grandpa ask me to meet him at his office, it was a weird request but I obeyed.

The second I came through the door, grandpa dragged me in and locked the door.

"Sir..." I try to ask what's wrong.

"Shut up! I saw you looking to that boy the whole time! What do you think you're doing." he yell at me.

"What boy there was no boy sir" I say with a tremor in my voice.

"What was the service about" he ask and I panick I had no idea what it was about.

"It was...about...sir it was" I stutter unable to get words out of my mouth.

"Enough" he scream and push me down my knees, he goes behind me and take off his belt, the first smack landed on my back and I jump in pain.

He keep beating me till I'm all bloodied and screaming in agony.

"Pray for forgiveness" he order.

I'm sobbing, not able to form words he fist my hair and crane my neck back till we our eyes meet and he order me to pray again.

"Father forgive me for I have sinned...i....i had some unorthodox thoughts about a boy today" I say and he let go of me.