Whatevr

It is said that you be careful what you wish for and as a naive kid... I didn't know what's the weight of my words. I understand what the proverbs mean, but I did not understand that it would be this devastating

"Iha, kahit anong mangyari ay hindi ka dapat tatakas doon" I nod as I look at my auntie, paulit ulit nyang sinasabi ang mga katagang iyon at halos mapanaginipan ko na ito kagabi.

My brother nudges me "Are you really going there?" napa isip ako kung naiintindihan nya ba ang mga nangyayari ngayon... sa bilis ng mga pangyayari ay hindi ko na maproseso ito sa aking utak

Nodding, I hug my brother to hide that I was actually weeping... half of me still thinks na 'OMG! This is the novel life that I dreamed of' while the other one, is in the dark and punishing myself for wishing my whole entire six years, to make my life more exciting. Is this what you wished for?

"Sinasabi ko talaga, bagay na bagay sila doon! Mga englishero't englishera"

Ngumiti ako ng sarkastiko sa aking tita, parang kahapon lang ay iyak ito nang iyak sa pagkamatay ng aking mama. She promised me to find the murderer basta ba ay ipapadala nila ako sa military camp.

Well, some said it was a military camp while others says that it was just an academy. A place to learn. Auntie said that I should be grateful daw na, ito ako, mag aaral sa isang sikat na paaralan.

IT SHOULD BE HER SON!

I would go to that place instead of her son and she has the guts to say na I'm a lucky one?

"Huwag kang mag alala, hahanapin ko papa mo. Ako na din magbabayad ng mga utang na naiwan nya ha. Basta iha, kahit anong mangyari hinding hindi ka aatras ha?"

Hopeless, I can only nod, Again. "Yes, tita. Kahit mabully ako, ma stroke o kahit i-threaten ako ng mga students dun na they'll kill me if I bump into them. I won't run away"

Pinag singkitan nya ako ng mga mata dahil sa sarcastic tone ko. I know she's doing me favor by looking for my father and nurturing my brother... but, this is too much!

I almost sob, remembering what the maids said about the rumor ng place na pupuntahan ko

From what is it called, military camp. I want to retreat

But the fact that my wish for 6 years is to have an exciting life, what's more, suiting than a military life diba?

I, once again, cried silently

My brother moved while sleeping kaya napaatras ang mga luha ko. When he finally breathes peacefully, I screamed internally

Who cares about the wish? About my runaway dad and that military camp? WHO CARES ABOUT ALL OF THAT?

Reminded by the recent events, pinilit kong umiyak without sounds. I was like, a piniping rat dahil sa sound na napo produce ko

But who cares?

My mother died and these problems never let me have time to weep

I look at my sleeping brother, I don't want him to see me cry

One thing is for sure, I would never let my brother be burdened by what's happening around him. The nerve of my aunt, suggesting na brother ko nalang ipadala sa military camp na iyon?

Is she insane?

I hug him tightly

He's the only one that I have now. I will disregard my father for now, the fact that I'll leave this little boy behind is such a scare. And that so-called father, left us alone like we are some kind of stray cats

If only I could beg my aunt na wag ako ipadala sa kung saan man iyon.

Shutting down my eyes, I decided not to cry anymore. My brother might ask me tomorrow why I look like a panda. His curiosity is such a pain but, I know he'll grow bright and smart because of it

Whispering my goodnight, I wished my brother to have a good dream.