The Slayer

'Waltz' the weary voice of Leroy sighed. 'Will you stop preening yourself; we have a job to do.'

Leroy was the leader of the guild that Waltz was a part of. Every leader to a guild had a title, a second name by which they went by. Leroy's was The Clockwork Man, though Waltz had never asked why. Leroy rarely used this name.

'I'll be there in a minute' Waltz answered back without turning. He ran his fingers upwards over his scalp, feeling his hair between his fingers. His hair was shaggy, short on the top and long at the bottom and coloured white-blonde. He frowned at himself, eyebrow raised. 'Hmmmm' he said to the mirror, absorbing his own image. 'Sexy.'

'Waltz!'

'Alright!' he snapped, turning away from the mirror. 'I'm coming....jeez...'

He grabbed his sword as he danced past Leroy, who hovered in the open doorway waiting for him. Waltz charged forwards, prancing down the corridor and leaping up onto the balustrade he slid down the stairs.

When he reached the bottom he slipped and fell on his face.

One of the other younger soldiers stood over him, frowning in displeasure. He opened his mouth to speak.

'Idiot.'

'Hey!' Waltz blurted out jumping to his feet. 'You shut your face Trevor!'

'Waltz' Leroy called to him from the top of the stairs. 'Keep your voice down. I wish you wouldn't shout all the time.'

'It's not my fault' Waltz scowled as Leroy descended the stairs. 'It's his fault for being such an asshat.'

'Enough' Leroy barked before another argument could break out. 'Trevor, go fetch the horses.'

Trevor glared at Waltz.

'Jerk off' Trevor mumbled.

'Ass face' Waltz mumbled back. He turned quickly to Leroy behind him, smiling sweetly. Leroy returned only a glare.

'So when do we go?' Waltz asked him casually.

Leroy continued to glare at him for several seconds before deciding to answer

'We would have left an hour ago' he said, 'if you hadn't been goofing around.'

'I want the ladies to notice me' Waltz shrugged slyly.

'We have a job to do' Leroy told him sternly.

'Doesn't mean we can't have fun along the way' Waltz gleamed.

Leroy glared at him.

'Fine!' Waltz submitted, throwing his hands in the air. 'Jeez you're such a kill joy. If I didn't know better' he went on, 'I'd say you were gay....hey maybe that makes sense...after all there are only men in our guild...twelve of them at that...you're surrounded by men all day' Waltz continued to muse as his mind began to wander. 'Maybe I should watch myself around you. You're not secretly in love with me are you? You're not touching me in my sleep are you?'

'Get bent.'

The door to the guesthouse opened suddenly then, banging back off the wall.

'Hey!' Earnest, one of their guild members said. 'Are we going or what?'

'Be right there!' Waltz called, turning and waving jovially to him. He strode towards the door, pausing and leaning towards Earnest, whispering into his ear. 'Watch yourself around Leroy' he warned him. 'I think he wants to touch you.'

'What?' Earnest said shortly.

'I'll meet you outside!' Waltz said back to them both, skipping through the door and swinging his arms as he went. 'Boy look at that! It's such a nice day! Look at the sun! Isn't it beautiful? And boy that sky is blue. Look at the sky, it's so purdy!'

Earnest stared after him, frowning in confusion.

'Weirdo...'

Waltz mounted one of the available horses. None of them were his unfortunately, his guild were not well off enough to own such things. These horses were rented, their weapons at least they owned.

'Hiyah!' Waltz shouted, waving his sword in the air as his horse pranced around beneath him. 'Onwards and upwards! Let's kill this suckaahhh!'

'Waltz!'

He flinched as Leroy barked at him, and like a well trained dog he listened (this time at least). 'You're going the wrong way' Leroy told him, glaring at him still. A permanent expression it seemed when he was around Waltz.

'Oh' Waltz grinned sheepishly, wheeling his horse around and sending it tearing in the other direction. 'Let's kill this suckaahhh!'

One by one the other members of his guild followed after him, their horses moving at a trot.

But not all twelve members followed.

Kenneth waited on the ground, listening to the sound of the rest of his guild moving away.

'We'll be back as soon as we can' Leroy told him hanging back. 'We shouldn't be too long on this one.'

'Ok' Kenneth answered nodding. 'Stay safe.'

Leroy flicked his reigns, tapping the heels of his horse and sending it after the others.

Kenneth turned around, and made his way back to the house, walking slowly with his hands out before him, feeling the air as he went.

Waltz rode ahead of the group, whooping happily and punching his fist into the air. The other members of the guild rode a short distance behind him. He ran his horse back and forth until it grew tired, then annoyed. Eventually the horse reared, tossing its rider from its back.

Waltz tumbled off the steed with a dramatic wail, landing in a deep puddle of mud.

The guild members around him began to cackle.

'Serves you right' Kennedy said trotting up to him and leaning forwards in his saddle.

He reached down to Waltz, extending his hand as if to help him up.

Waltz, squinting through the mud over his eyes, waving blindly as he reached for Kennedy's extended hand. Kennedy whipped his hand back just as Waltz went to grab it, falling forwards again into the mud.

The other guild members that had surrounded him now howled in laughter. One of the other members sent his horse after Waltz's, grabbing the reigns and bringing it back.

'Here' Tom said, offering the reigns of the grumpy horse back to him.

Waltz rose to his feet again, slipping; then falling backwards, into the mud again.

'Come on!' Leroy called loudly down to him. 'We haven't got all day.'

'We're nearly there!' Waltz hollered back, wiping the mud from his eyes.

'I think it's an improvement' one of them giggled.

'Shut your face Trevor!' Waltz snapped.

Waltz fumbled for his horse, stumbling as the creature tried to move away.

He mounted the horse again, covered from head to toe in thick, sticky-dark mud, with only a thin strip of him visible where he had wiped the mud from his eyes.

His horse which had grown tired now, walked behind the other horses from that point onwards. As Waltz went along, he tried his best to clean the mud from him, doing a poor job of it.

'Ach' he winced uncomfortably. 'It's in my pants and everything!'

Minutes later they reached their destination. A natural spring where the water ran hot from deep below the earth, the rocks which surrounded the spring were smooth, and the water itself was crystal clear.

Normally there would be women bathing here, scattered about the spring in various degrees of nakedness.

Waltz's eyes glazed over at the thought.

'What's with that look?' Kennedy asked from beside him. 'You're starting to creep me out.'

'Oh' Waltz said snapping back to himself. 'Nothing. Everything's fine.'

Kennedy frowned at him unconvinced, though he couldn't read Waltz's expression clearly through all the mud that still covered him.

They reached the spring, and all the woman who would usually be bathing, were gathered in a small group at the edge of the water.

'Oh thank god you're here!' one of the woman cried, rushing up to the soldiers. 'We thought we would die for sure!'

The soldiers dismounted, leaving their horses behind as they approached the women.

'Where is it?' Leroy demanded, looking into the woman's eyes.

The woman who had first spoken averted her gaze, her eyes shimmering as she stared to the ground. 'We were so frightened.' She moaned, hugging herself, squeezing her breasts together as she did so, the towel she wore slipping down, barely covering her. 'We simply could not defend ourselves against such a thing.'

'Where?' Leroy said impatiently.

'It was so scary' another woman spoke, a blonde haired woman who looked like a goddess, dressed only in pink underwear with her chest practically spilling out. 'It was a monster!'

Leroy sighed wearily.

'Don't worry ladies!' Waltz called to them, shoving the other guild members to the side and pushing his way to the front of the group. 'I'll save you!'

Everything went quiet then. The women all stared at him in surprise.

A glob of mud slid down his face and splat to the floor.

'A hero!' one of the women cried prancing up to him, casting her arms out as she drew closer. 'A knew a hero would come to us!'

The towel she had held up slipped from her body and fell. Beneath she was completely naked, wearing not a single thread.

Waltz stared down, mouth open and eyes like dinner plates.

His head began to spin, and he wobbled on the spot. His body hunched over then as he held his nose which began to bleed.

'Where is the monster?' Leroy asked the woman patiently, bending down to pick up the towel and handing it back to her.

'Thank you sir' the woman said, taking her towel back as Waltz pulled as his own collar, gasping and panting and fanning himself. 'It's in the middle of the spring' she said to him. 'It's waiting for you.'

Leroy strode past her; the other member of the guild followed him, heading to the centre of the spring.

Leroy backtracked suddenly, grabbing Waltz by the collar and jerking him backwards, pulling him away from the women he gawked at.

'Don't worry!' he called back to them as he was dragged away. 'I'll vanquish this beast!'

Leroy only let go of him when they had rounded the corner, once the beautiful, busty, mostly-naked women were out of sight.

'God' Leroy huffed, rounding on him as he let go of Waltz, wiping his muddy hand on his trousers. 'We have a job to do here. Will you keep it in your pants for just one day?'

Waltz was about to give a sarcastic comment when his voice was cut short. Instead of forming a sentence, he pointed to the monster behind Leroy and gave a girly screech.

The rest of the guild now stood facing the monster. It was a thing covered all in shadow, with no distinguishing features. It looked kind of like a dragon, if you squinted really hard.

The dragon-thing (or whatever it was) moved its snake-like neck towards the men, pulling its body towards them with only two legs (or arms, or whatever they were).

'Get in formation!' Leroy ordered his men. 'Circle this beast. I don't want it escaping.'

'I'll take it down!' Waltz called, drawing forth his sword, having recovered from the initial shock of being startled by the sight of it. 'Leave it to me!'

'Waltz stop! Stay with the group!'

Waltz ignored Leroy's cries, instead charging towards the beast with all the speed he could muster and throwing himself off the rock, drawing his sword back ready to strike it.

Instead of hitting anything solid he simply fell through it, landing unceremoniously in the water.

A moment of silence ensured, (it was beautiful) before Waltz re-surfaced, coughing and spluttering after having swallowed some of the water.

'Hey' he said speaking through the black smoky body of the beast, 'it's not so bad in here. It's actually rather pleasant.'

'Waltz!' Tom called to him. 'Get out of there!'

'Why?' he called back. 'I'm perfectly safe. If I can't touch it, then it can't touch me...right?'

It was at that moment (as if the beast understood) that the creature put its foot (or hand) upon his head, pushing him below the surface.

Waltz began to thrash around, arms flailing in the air as he fought for breath.

On the edge of the spring, Leroy let out a weary sigh.

He turned his back to the beast that was completely ignoring them, and began rummaging around in his pockets.

'Now...' he mused to himself. 'Where did I put that thing?'

'Uh...anytime Leroy' Earnest said nearby. 'Waltz is...you know...sort of drowning...?'

Leroy glanced lazily over to him. 'Oh' he said, without elaborating. 'Give me a second.'

He continued to search. 'Where where where......?'

The other members of the guild watched him with exasperation. Behind them Waltz was still thrashing around, held down by the beast intent on drowning him, he was splashing as much as possible. Only his hands were visible at this point, flailing uselessly about, just above the surface.

'Jeez...' Kennedy said watching him. 'Even when he's dying he's annoying.'

'Here we are' Leroy said, at long last finding what he was looking for. A little red and blue stone, within which held a spell.

He cast it into the water and the beast hissed suddenly as if in pain, drawing sharply back. Beneath its limb (foot or hand) Waltz was finally able to come up for air.

'Nice one arse bandit!' he called, balling his fist and making rude gestures towards Leroy in a hysterical and furious manner.

'Everyone!' Leroy commanded, as Waltz continued to blurt out obscenities. 'Draw out your spells, this creature is weak against magic!'

The ten members of the guild all drew out their spell-bound crystals, moving around to circle the beast as Leroy approached it head on.

The creature was slow to react, but as Waltz gazed up at it from the water where he remained, he saw its wings growing larger from its back, lifting high above its smoky body as if about to take off.

'It's trying to escape!' Waltz squawked pointing at it as it hovered above his head, floating above the water. 'Somebody do something!'

'You're nearest' Leroy shot back, drawing forth an arrow and tying a string of beads to the shaft. 'You do something.'

Waltz scrabbled through the water away from the beast, coming up onto dry land and hauling himself to his feet.

He rose now, completely clean, all the mud and filth washed from him, his white-blonde shaggy hair was soaked and hanging limp.

He tied several magical gems to his sword, swinging it around several times by the red cloth wound around the hilt, before throwing it through the air and towards the beast of shadow.

His aim struck its mark, and he managed to cut the beast right at the base of one of the wings.

The creature turned its snake-like head towards him; its wing he had cut off was instantly beginning to grow back.

Waltz started back in shock at this, seeing the head open its jaws as it went for him.

'Oh Shi-'

It grabbed him before could finish his sentence, lifting him up and tossing him in the air.

'WWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!'

'Why is it not working?' Tom asked glaring at the monster.

Waltz fell through the air, landing in the water for the second time.

The monster grabbed him roughly and threw him again, tossing him this time to the side, all the while ignoring the other members of the guild who were attacking it with their crystals.

'It's no use' Trevor huffed. 'Each time we hurt it, it seems to become immune to our next attack.

'Hmmm' Leroy frowned, pulling out a bestiary from his person and flipping the book open. 'Let's have a look shall we?'

'Oh you've got to be kidding me!!!' Waltz said as he watched Leroy leaf through the book, before the monster grabbed him again and tossed him to the other side, throwing him against the wall of the cliff before them.

Waltz landed in an awkward sprawl upon the floor, limbs a tangled mess.

He let out a breath and uttered a word.

'...Ow....'

The shadowy mass grabbed him again.

'Is this the right one?' Earnest said, moving closer to Leroy and looking over his shoulder.

Gradually the other guild members surrounded Leroy, each peering over the others heads to get a look at the book.

'Perhaps silver' one of them suggested.

'Nah that's mainly for undead or cursed.'

'How do you know it's not cursed?'

'Nah. It looks serpentine. How about piercing the heart?'

'Where is its heart?'

They all paused to glance up at the thing, which was now beginning to chew Waltz in its gummy maw.

'Nah' one of them said. 'To pierce the heart it needs a solid form.'

They all mumbled in agreement.

'Any time you guys!' Waltz cried out to them.

'Shush!' Leroy said loudly, speaking his next sentence quieter. 'You're breaking my concentration.'

'Oh to hell with this!' Waltz in one swift move reached into his belt, pulling from it a white stone, combining its magic with several others from his coat-pockets and mashing them all together as one. 'And god said...' he began, '...let there be light!'

There was a sudden and blinding flash of holy white light, and the guild nearby were suddenly enveloped in a radiant glow, so strong they were temporarily blinded.

When the light faded, the beast was out of sight, along with Waltz.

He surfaced seconds later; having fallen back in the water after the beast vanished.

'Light!' Leroy breathed. 'It's so obvious!'

'Yeah' Waltz said, crawling out of the spring again and dusting himself down casually as if nothing has happened. 'Even I figure that out. Stupid twink.'

He climbed upon the tall rock at the head of the spring, so that he overlooked all that was around him. From here he could see the entire spring, and the women who waited just out of view of the other guild members.

'Come on ladies, come and enjoy the water!' he called to them. 'The beast has been vanquished!'

The women raised their heads, running towards the spring. They ran past the guild members gathered around Leroy (who still held his book and was now wearing an expression of boredom) and towards Waltz.

They climbed upon the rocks and surrounded him.

'A hero! A hero!'

'You saved us!'

'How can we ever repay you?'

Waltz drew a slow intake of breath as the women flanked him, all reaching out to touch him, to fawn over him.

Waltz began to feel dizzy as he felt their large breasts push against his body. He grinned widely at the world around him, drawing forth his sword and raising it high up into the air crying 'YEAH! I'M ON TOP OF THE WOOOOORLD!'

His chest began to glow then, and he looked down at himself in shock.

'Oh no....' he mumbled to himself. 'Not again...not now...'

His profile faded away as he was forcibly teleported, away from this wonderful place, and back to her.

When the light faded, he found himself in a dark home, standing before the witch.

Waltz immediately sheathed his sword and dropped to a knee.

'What order would you have me do this time my master?' he spoke.

The witch sneered down at him.