BROKEN

I placed my hands gently on the railings, the weather was really cool today, The sunlit cloud drifted across a clear blue sky and you could see kids playing everywhere. It was a perfect weather for them to play around the neighbourhood.

I was lost in my thoughts as memories came flooding my head. I thought they said time healed pain but in my case I guess the more time passed I became even more miserable and everything seemed like it just happened yesterday.

Especially the little witch he had left me with. Some hate me so much for treating her badly. Some others say I don't even deserve to be a mother. But no body knows what I had gone through or what I had faced since she came into my life. but mother always says I am overreacting but I think I have a share of the blame because I allowed myself fall in love. " love", that word scares the hell out of me now more than ever.

"zee!! You have been standing there for hours now, what are you doing there"mama queried coming towards me where I was standing as she stood beside me.

I know how much she hated to see me like this and I was already feeling guilty for making the poor woman feel that way because she had really helped me alot.

"mother, I am fine the weather is so good today"i replied as I forced a smile back to my lips.

"Layla what's wrong"mother said as she faced the 6 year old that ce towards us.

"grandma, I can't find my shoes"a terrified looking Layla said.

"you stupid girl, you ungrateful little thing"i said angrily as I moved towards her twisting her ears with my hands. I didn't know why I did that or where the anger even came from but I just didn't even like seeing her around. You might hate me or call me wicked but listen to my story first.

"stop that zee, it's okay"mother said, as she tried to free Layla from my hands"

She immediately ran to hug my mother as tears streamed down her face.

"she lost her shoe and it's okay mother. You know how much I work to get her the things she needs and all she does is to be an ungrateful little thing"i screamed

"Zeenat!!!"mama exclaimed

I watched as layla let go of mama running towards me and hugging me tightly but I didn't hug her back.

"mother I am sorry"she apologized

"get away from me you, I wish you never came into my life"i said as I pushed her away and left to my room all I heard was Layla's voice.

"mother!!" "mother!!" "mother I am sorry!!" but I just kept on walking to my room without turning back.

I layed on my bed as I held the pillow closely to me.

"I hate you so much Layla and it's all because of your dad"i said to myself as tears streamed down my face as again the memories started coming back to me.

***flash back***

"zee why not take this red bangles it will look perfect on you"he said as he wore them on me.

"I don't need you buying all this gifts for me everytime. you know I love you just the way you are"i said as I smiled hugging him tightly.

"I love you zee always and you deserve the world in which I am ready to give to you"

**********

"see, love, the stars look great tonight"

"yeah, you know how much I love to just stare at them"i said leaning on his chest"

"my mom is calling, i don't want her to get worried, I think I should just go now"i said worried about what I was going to say when I got home.

"let me drop you off"he offered.

"no love, you can't, you know my mum most not see you. She will be so mad at me" I explained.

"love, can you promise me something"i asked as I held his hands in mine closely

"Anything, sweetheart"

"promise me you won't stop loving me no matter what happens"

"you know what sweetheart, no one will ever take your place in my heart. It is you and I forever"he said as he caressed my cheeks with his hands.

"I should go now, love"

"ain't you going to kiss me goodnight!!"he said after me

"not tonight baby"i said as I walked towards the door smiling.

*******************

"Zeenat" mum called as she walked in my room and I immediately snapped back to reality. I could see how worried she looked.

"the stars look beautiful tonight"mum acknowledged

"I hate the stars and I don't even care"i said

"Zeenat, Layla is asleep now but please take things easy no matter what, she is still your daughter and she will always be.

"mom, i don't care"

"you know what Zeenat, everything in life is a test and even life itself is a test. Sometimes things go the way we want and some other times they don't. The almighty has the best plans for us "we plan, he plans but he is the best of all planners" you just have to trust him"

"mother, where was he when I needed him the most, where was he when I gave birth to Layla and there was no money so the doctor didn't administer any treatment to me, where was he when I couldn't even find a good food to give to Layla when she was too little and I had to pick from trash cans. Where was he when Layla got very sick as a toddler and I had to do five different jobs just to make sure I got the money for her treatment. Mother tell me where was he!!!!"

"zeenat my dear you have to trust him and be patient"