The Secret Confession

In the night, the moon glowed on my face as I gazed up at the sky. Like my life, the night was silent and dark. There was nothing more that could be lost. I was sick of hearing, "A woman compromises her entire life." She is expected to keep her wants hidden and act as though everything is fine. In a conservative society, her sexual choice is unacceptable. A lady who talks about her desires and sex is a woman of terrible character who is unfit for society.

She has been stereotyped as someone who should be meek and simply accept what a guy says, and she has spent her entire life making changes and compromises.

I was certainly not one of those meek women, yet love takes precedence over physical contact with a man. My soul should be the one that mates with my lover. As a romance fan, my expectations for a romantic hero were unrealistic, and finding them all in my husband was an arduous task.

Yes, I was a married lady who prioritized my responsibilities as a wife over my sexual urges. I believed that taking care of my husband's needs was more essential than looking after myself. I didn't want to marry a stranger, but I had a hunch that one day my arranged marriage would be full of love and commitment.

However, after only a month of marriage, I felt that there was a disconnect between us. I was so in love with him I will go to any length for him, yet my inner self, as a woman, was still unsatisfied. She yearned for more. She desperately needed more. As a wanted woman, The Spark never piqued my interest. But I was married, and that was the end of my story!

For me, thinking about any other man was a sin. I desired to stay faithful to my husband and to be his wife for the rest of my life... I hid my deepest desires deep within my heart, where I'd never have to look for them. Because we had a life to spend together, I preoccupied myself with taking care of him and focusing on establishing our friendship......

My hopes seemed to be fulfilled when I fell pregnant after only a few months of marriage. When I heard my baby's heartbeat coming inside from my womb, tears welled up in my eyes. Nothing in this universe is more valuable than having a child of your species. I was a content woman. Lord Almighty gifted me with my husband's entire attention, love, and care. Our infant child offered us all the joy in the world. My inner self was ecstatic and danced joyfully since she had a perfect life, spouse, and child.

But I had no concept that my life was not supposed to be easy. Instead, it stung me with thorns of battle and misery of pain... I did not know that my dark days were about to begin...and they began on the fourth day after my baby's birth, when my husband abandoned me in the hospital bed, alone....leaving me to my fate.