Memoir of a Lost son

Tonight I intend to get to the point, of what is real. I want to understand myself and express what I'm feeling. Let me restate my goal in my life.

I would then like to set off into the world. Travel the world, in search of an answer to all of my questions. I would like to read and gain as much knowledge as I can during this time.

I would also like to keep notes of my travels and document when a significant revelation or experience occurs in my life. When I feel the time is right, I will live on an island. There, I'll write about my life and ponder the meaning of life. If I do this, I will have truly lived, and only then, I will be satisfied.

Ever since I lied my eyes on her, something well beyond reason or practically knew that after you there could not be another woman, there was nothing melodramatic about the acknowledgment, it's very calm, unemotional, and precise like the least boundary stone on an ancient road after the Migumo trees or whatever. had I changed the substance of my life or just the contours?

whatever it might be I had given it meaning to it at a time when I was begging to sink into despondency about my wanting powers, intellectual, moral, physical, and (undoubtedly and regrettably shameful)sexual prowess.

it's still a pulsating living memory inside me, as the long December twilight darkness imperceptibly over the glimmering surface of juja road in the outskirts of Nairobi.

"you are soft-spoken, kind, and wish well of other" my mother used to tell me but if she was here now she would think otherwise of her beloved son shameful shaking her head but despite all the odds i have the respect for others just like she used to tell me "in this world my son respect is the foundation stone that binds people together,

always respect other people's emotions and never break a woman's heart just like the way you wouldn't be happy seeing me cry then don't make any woman cry.

carwash was the name most people would refer me to, I don't actually remember how the name came to be was it because of my hard-earned income cleaning cars at a tender age of 10, or was it because I used to wash away many young girls heart just like the way tycoons changes car to impress his group of elite gentlemen, I would also change girlfriend to impress my fellow hood rats.

Most of my age groups were not aware of their sexual desires by the time they were 13 but mine was a different case. having come from a poor background where having television, and modern seats were considered for wealthy people living in suburbs of Nairobi one would have upgraded their game to equal their competitors who were rich I remember those days no girl would want to be associated with a boy coming from a poor background, I think they could refer it as a taboo or curse.

so having a girlfriend for me was out of the question engulfed in a two-walled bracket