Here and Hereafter by Barry Pain
It was Saturday night at the end of a hard week. I was just finishing my dinner when I was told that a man wished to see me at once in the surgery. The name, Tarn, was unknown to me.
I found a fair-haired man of thirty in a faded and frayed suit of mustard-colour, holding in his hand a broken straw hat. His face was rather fat and roundish; his build powerful but paunchy. The colour of face and hands showed open-air life and work. His manner was slow, apathetic, heavy. His speech was slow too, but it was the speech of an educated man, and the voice was curiously gentle.
"My wife's ill, doctor. Can you come?"
"I can. What's the matter with her, Mr Tarn?"
He explained. I do not regard child-bearing as illness, and told him so. I told him further that he ought to have made his arrangements and to have engaged a doctor and nurse beforehand.
"In her own country they do not regard it as illness either. The women there do not have doctor or nurse. She did not wish it. But, however, as she seemed to suffer-"
"Well, well. We'll get on. Where do you live?"
"Felonsdene."
"Eight miles away and right up on the downs. Phew! Can I get my car there?"
"Most of the way at any rate-we could always walk the rest."
"We'll chance it. I'll bring the car round. Shan't keep you a minute, Mr Tarn."
I kept him rather longer than that. There were the lamps to see to, and I had directions to give to my servants. I did not take my driver with me. He had been at work since eight in the morning. When I re-entered the surgery I found Tarn still standing in just the same pose and place, as if he had not moved a hair's-breadth since I left him.
"Ready now," I said, as I picked up my bag.
He took out a pinch of sovereigns from his waistcoat-pocket, seven or eight of them.
"Your fee, doctor," he said.
"That can wait until I've done my work. Come along. Shall I lend you an overcoat?"
He thanked me but refused it, saying that he was used to all weathers. The night was fairly warm too. He sat beside me on the front seat. The first six miles were easy enough along a good road, and I talked to him as I drove. I omit the professional part of our conversation-the questions which a doctor would naturally put on such an occasion.
"So your wife's a foreigner," I said. "What nationality?"
"She is a woman of colour-a negress."
It is true that all coloured people inspire me with a feeling of physical repulsion, and equally true that I can set all feelings of repulsion aside when there is work to be done.
"Ah!" I said. "And you live up at Felonsdene. To tell the truth, I didn't know anybody lived there. I remember the place-came on it two years ago or more when I was roaming over the downs. There was a farm-house all in ruins-and, let me see, was there a cottage? I didn't come upon anybody living there then. I remember that, because I was thirsty after my walk and couldn't get a drink."
"There was no one there then, and there is no cottage. We came last year. Part of the farm-house has been repaired."
"Well, you've struck about the loneliest spot in England. Who's your landlord?"
"Eh? It's mine-I bought it. Two acres and the farm-house. Had trouble to get it-a deal of trouble."
"And who's with your wife now?" I asked.
"Nobody. She's alone in the house."
"Well, that's not right," I said.
"We have no servants-do everything ourselves. The nearest house is a farmer's at Sandene, three miles away, and we've had no dealings with him. It couldn't be helped, and-she's different, you know. I was not long in coming to you. I caught the mail-cart as soon as I reached the road, and got a lift."
"Still, I'm thinking-how am I to get on?"
"You'll find I can do anything a woman can do, and do it better. I am more intelligent and I have no nerves. You must pull up at the next gate, doctor. We strike across the downs there."
We had done the six miles, mostly up hill, in twenty-one minutes. Now we turned through the gate, along a turf track deeply rutted. Luckily the weather had been dry for the last fortnight. We crawled up to the top of the crest and then along it for a mile. I saw lights ahead in a hollow below. A dog barked savagely.
"That Felonsdene?" I asked.
"That's it. The descent is bad."
When I got to it I found that it was very bad. I stopped the engines.
"If we break our necks we shan't be much use," I said. "I'll leave the car here. There's nobody to run away with it."
"Shall we take a lamp?" he asked.
"Better."
He picked up my bag, unhitched one lamp, and extinguished the other, while I spread the rug over the seats. His ordinary slowness was deceptive. When he was actually doing something he was remarkably quick without being hurried. He was quick too in seeing a mechanical device-that was clear from the way he handled the lamps. We began the brief descent, and the dog barked more furiously than ever.
"Is that dog loose?" I asked, as we neared the house.
"Yes," he said. "But he's educated. He'd kill a stranger who came alone; he won't touch you."
He gave a whistle and the barking stopped. The dog, an enormous black retriever, came running towards us; his eyes in the lamplight had a liquid trustfulness.
"Heel," said Tarn sharply, and the dog paced quietly behind him, taking no notice of me whatever.
We went through a yard surrounded by a wall of rough stone. By the light of the lamp I saw that the wall had been mended in places. There was a rough shed on the left, with crates and packing-cases under it. The front door was flush with the wall of the house. It was unlocked, and when Tarn opened it a bright light streamed out. Within was a small square hall, and I noticed that the light was incandescent gas.
Tarn saw that I had noticed it. "I put in a gas-plant," he said. "Will you come this way?"
He took me into a great living-room. I should think it was about forty feet by twenty. There was a big open fireplace at the further end of the room. The floor was flagged, without rugs or carpets. The walls were the same inside as out, rough stone and mortar; there were three small windows high up in the walls. The windows were newly glazed, the walls had been repaired. There was very little furniture-three wooden windsor chairs, a couple of deal tables, and some cupboards made from packing-cases. There was no attempt at ornament or decoration of any kind, and there was no disorder. The scanty furniture was precisely arranged, nothing was left lying about, and everything was scrupulously clean. The timbers of the pointed roof seemed to me to be new. The room was very brightly lit, with more gas jets (of the cheapest description) than were needed.
What struck me most was the smell of the place-a smoky, greenish, sub-acid, slightly aromatic smell. I wondered if it could come from the great logs that smouldered in the fireplace, before which the retriever now stretched himself.
"Queer smell here," I said. "What is it?"
"It comes," he said, "from the smoke of juniper leaves."
"You don't burn those in the fireplace, do you?"
"No. I-I don't think you'd understand."
The words were said gently, almost sadly, without offensive intention. But they annoyed me a little-I did not like to be told by this scarecrow that I could not understand.
"Very well," I said. "Now then, where's your wife?"
He pointed to a door at the further end of the room, on the right of the fireplace. "Through there," he said. "I-I don't know if you speak French."
"I do."
"Mala speaks French more easily than English. She lived for many years in Paris-was born there. You'll find in that room the things a chemist in Helmstone thought might be wanted. If you need anything else, or want my help in any way, I shall be here."
"Good," I said, and passed through the door he had indicated.
I must remember that I am not writing for doctors. All I need say of the case is that it was a good thing Tarn fetched me. It was a case where the intervention of a medical man was imperatively necessary. Otherwise all went perfectly well. The child was born in a little more than an hour after my arrival, a girl, healthy and vigorous, and as black as the ace of spades. Tarn did all that was required of him perfectly-quickly, but without noise or hurry, and with great intelligence.
Mala, his wife, seemed to me to be very young. She was a girl of splendid physique; her face, like the face of every negress, repelled me. She showed affection for her child, and expressed her intention of nursing it herself, of which she seemed capable. This was all natural-more natural than normal unfortunately-but all the time I was conscious that I was attending a woman of morbid psychology. When I left her asleep, it was to join a man of morbid psychology in the great living-room.
"All well?" asked Tarn, as I entered.
"Quite. Both asleep." My body was tired, and I dare say I ought to have been sleepy myself, but my mind was awake and alert. The unusual nature of the experience may account for it. I sat down and gave him some instructions and advice about his wife, to which he paid close attention.
"Must you come here again?" he asked. I thought it a question that might have been better expressed.
"Yes," I said. "I don't want to pile up the visits, but I must do what's wanted."
"I didn't mean that. I meant that unless you were coming again in any case, I should have to make arrangements for fetching you if the need arose."
I laughed. "Arrangements? Well, you've nobody to send but yourself?"
"There's the dog."
"But he doesn't know where I live."
"I was meaning to teach him that to-morrow. I'd better do it in any case-one never knows what may happen." He sighed profoundly.
"Teach him to fetch the doctor-eh? He must be a clever beggar. What do you call him?"
"He has no name. He's not a pet. You must take some refreshment before you go. Whisky?"
"Ah, a drop of whisky and a biscuit would be rather welcome. Thanks."
He brought out a jar of whisky, a gasogen of soda-water, and some large hard biscuits in their native tin.
"To your daughter's health," I said, as I raised my glass.
He suddenly put his glass down. "Farce," he said savagely. "But it's all farce-this-this fuss, She's born to die, isn't she? It's the common lot. She's hauled out of nothing by blind Chance, to be tossed back into nothing by blind Chance. Drink the health of the seaweed that the tide throws up on the shore and the tide sucks back again? No! Not I!"
The whole thing had been so strange that this outbreak did not particularly astonish me. "You'd be a happier man, Mr Tarn, and a more sensible man, if you would simply accept Nature as you find it. You can't alter it and you can't understand it. You're beating your head against a wall."
This ragged fellow took on an air of superiority that annoyed me. "Yes, yes," he said. "I've heard all that-and so often. It's the point of view of ordinary materialistic science. You are not a religious man."
"Certainly," I said, "I don't pretend that I know what I do not know. Nor am I fool enough, Mr Tarn, to complain of what from insufficient data I am unable to understand. Put in other words, I am neither an orthodox believer nor an atheist. Do I understand that you are a religious man yourself?"
"The religion of Mala and her people is mine."
"Really? You turn the tables on the missionaries. Well, the theological discussion is interesting but it is often interminable; and I have work to do to-morrow. I must be getting on."
"I will come with you as far as the car. But first, doctor, the dog must learn that you are welcome here and that he is never to harm you. Call him and give him a bit of biscuit."
I called him. He looked up from his place before the fire but did not move. Then Tarn made a movement with his hand, and the dog got up, shook himself, and walked slowly towards me. He went all round me, sniffing. I held out the biscuit to him, and he looked away to his master and whined. Tarn nodded, and the dog immediately took the food from my hand.
"Yes," said Tarn, as if answering what I was thinking, "he has never been allowed to take food from any hand but mine. He will never forget you. You can come here at any hour of the day or night now with perfect safety. It's-it's the freedom of the city."
As Tarn climbed with me up to the car, he spoke again on the subject of my fee. "I suppose I should not have offered it in advance," he said. "But it occurred to me that, as I never think about clothes, I looked very poor, and that the place where I have chosen to live also looked very poor. And you did not know me. As a matter of fact, I am bothered with far more money than I want."
"Ah!" I laughed. "I could do with a little worry of that sort."
As he fixed up the lamps he thanked me warmly for what I had done for Mala, and asked what time he might expect me on the morrow. I opened my pocket-book and looked at it by the light of the lamp. "Well, I've a light day to-morrow, barring accidents. I shall be here some time in the afternoon."
The drive home was accomplished without incident. I ran the car into the coach-house and went straight to bed. But for more than an hour I could not get to sleep. I was haunted by that man and his negress wife, building theories about them, trying to account for them. Just as I was dropping off I was awakened again by a smell of bitter smoke in my nostrils-the smell of burning juniper leaves. Then I recognised that the smell was a memory-illusion, and fell asleep in real earnest.