Miscellaneous Papers

Mr. Hood. I am aware that it has been going, two or three times befo

d by Jackanapeses. There were no Jackanapeses when I was a boy, Mr. Hood. England was Old England when I was y

ad no pride in her country, but treasonably took it in her head, in the distraction of having been robbed of her easy earnings, to attempt to drown herself and her young child; and the glorious man went out of his way, sir — out of his way — to call her up for instant sentence of Death; and to tell her she had no hope of mercy in this world — as you may see yourself if you look in the papers of Wednesday the 17th of April. He won’t be supported, sir, I know he won’t; but it is worth remembering that his words were carried into every manufacturing town of this kingdom, and r

know in what foul weather it will be sacrificed and shipwrecked, Mr. Hood? Do you know on what rock

in the degeneration of the human species in England, and

ion. That is the event of which I give you

d what is written in these days. You’ll excuse me; but my principle is, that no man ought to know anything about his own time,

ce, Literature, Art. I don’t approve of this myself. I think it ungenteel and barbarous, and quite un-English; the custom having been a foreign one, ever since the reigns of the uncivilised sultans in the Arabian Nights, who always c

roductions, which the law, with a beautiful imitation of nature, declines to protect in the second generation. Very good, sir. Then, people are naturally very prone to cast about in thei

in the way he should go, to go to Court: and cannot indenture him to be a scientific man, an author, or an artist,

and quicksand on which the c

h: not something short, but something shortening: is administered to these young creatures many times a day. An unnatural and artificial thirst is first awakened in these infants by meals of salt beef, bacon, anchovies, sardines, red herrings, shrimps, olives, pea-soup, and that description of diet; and when they screech for drink, in accents that might melt a heart of stone, which they do constantly (I allude to screeching, not to melting), this liquid is introduced into their

ion of scalps. Wild and outlandish dances are also in vogue (you will have observed the prevailing rage for the Polka); and savage cries and whoops are much indulged in (as you may discover, if you doubt it, in the House of Commons any night). Nay, some persons, Mr. Hood; and persons of some figure and distinction too; have already succeeded in breeding

vage fastness, where she may bring forth and educate a wild family, who shall in course of time, by the dexterous use of the popularity they are

hich must result from these proceedings, and the

only will be brought up, wild. The imagination goes a long way in these cases; and all that the imagination can do, will be done, and is doing. You may convince y

a figure of speech; crack regiments, household-troops especially, will pick the smallest men from all parts of the country; and in the two little porticoes at the Horse Guards, two Tom Thumbs will be daily seen, doing duty, mounted on a pair of Shetland ponies.

rts of the metropolis; because I am inclined to think that this will be a change for the better; and th

lk about with a scaffolding-pole under his arm; therefore the gold and silver sticks at present used, must be cut down into skewers of those precious metals; a twig of the black rod will be quite as much as can be conveniently preserved; the coral and bells of his Royal

is not all. The constitution dies hard, perhaps; but there is e

bate now; but I say, imagine Strong Wind, speaking for the benefit of his constituents, upon the floor of the House of Commons! or imagine (which is preg

nstitution out of the mortar in St. James’s Park

y some hopeful jackanapeses, that the number of impressments in the navy, consequent upon the seizure of the Boy-Joneses, or remaining portion of the population ambitious of Court Favour, will be in itself sufficient to defend our Island from foreign invasion. But I tell those jackanapeses, sir, that while I admit the wisdom of the Boy Jones precedent, of kidnapping such youths after the expiration of their several terms

nd some of your friends who have influence at Court, can get up a

making some changes and improvements in your Magazine, and are, in point of fact, starting afresh. If I be well informed, and this be really so, rely upon it that you cannot start too small, sir. Come down to the duodecimo size instantly, Mr. Hood. Take time by the

. Hood, for the use of his name on any terms. If the gallant general should decline to treat with you, get Mr. Barnum’s name, which is the next best in the market. And when, through this politic course, you shall have received, in presents, a richly jewelled set of tablets from Buckin

hat I have observed in the course of thi

ant R

23rd Ap

nnot be too short; and that if not dwarfish, they mus