The Wife He Regrets Losing

a's

made it to the reception desk to sign my release forms. He stood near the door in a quiet charcoal suit, hands

asked when I

didn't trust

ast the window. Buildings. Traffic lights. People going about their ordinary lives with no idea that s

efore we went to his house. He hadn't asked

y had th

e my discharge, my voice low so the nurse wouldn't hear.

llowing morning. I had read every line slowly, carefully, the way you read som

arter-

with an envelope in my hand. The house looked exactly as it always had from the outsid

ith the key I had

erson I saw

she did, a magazine open in her lap and a glass of juice on the side table. She looked up when

ting the magazine d

hings," I said. My voice was c

omething you no longer consider a threat. "Take your t

into the rain. My sketchbooks were still stacked on the small desk. My few clothes were in the wardrob

om under the bed and op

lowly and deliberately, pressing the creases fla

I felt a layer fall away, the version of Emma who had cooked in silence, who had ca

nt, running my thumb across the cover. These had survived e

. A narrow bed. A window that looked out onto a garden I had tended for years and never be

the envelope under my arm, and

the bottom o

ble in the way that used to make me anxious and now made me feel absolutely nothing. Cassy had appeared from the living

re to be seen, whic

itcase, then at my fa

that?"

pe out to him. "Divorce papers," I said. "I have alr

red at it the way you stare at someth

e dropped. "You'

letely ser

tep toward me. "We are married. You can't walk out o

le dif

he shopping bags. The rain. The hospital bed. The baby I lost

ers, Alex," I

nderstood now what I didn't understand before. It wasn't love making his eyes urgent. It was ego. It was the shock of losing s

g to fix," I sai

y but firmly, the way you remove som

t. I placed it on the bottom step of the staircase where he w

to the fr

ps and for one fraction of a second something old and stubborn in my chest pulled toward it. The part of me that had

rd Cassy's voi

e of a woman completely certain of her position. "L

my hand on t

ightly raised, utterly convinced that she had won something. I looked at her for a long, quiet moment. I wante

, Cassy,

e door and

t felt almost deliberate. Uncle Richard's car was parked at the end of the drivew

door, lifted my suitcase into the back, and slid into the seat. Uncle Richard glanced

one,"

ce and start

away my phone buzz

nsw

he said i

d. "I left the pap

led, long and shaky, the kind of breath that

softly. "I am s

house disappeared behind me. I rested one hand absently on my sto

coming. I didn't know somet

ger than I could remember, I