“I drowned in freezing pool water, the mocking laughter of the elite Savage family echoing in my ears. When I opened my eyes, I was an eight-year-old orphan again, right on the day those monsters came to adopt me. Terrified of repeating my hellish past, I ran down the hallway and desperately grabbed the shirt of a random, dumpy IT guy, begging him to take me instead. I thought I had chosen a weak, boring suburban dad to hide behind. But I was completely wrong. My new mom greeted me with a ceramic tactical knife hidden in her apron. My clumsy dad sliced dinner ribs with the terrifying precision of a seasoned hitman. My ten-year-old brother was a dead-eyed sociopath who immediately calculated my bone density. They were a family of lethal underworld monsters, yet they frantically pretended to be a normal, pathetic household just for me.”