While I Was Fighting For My Life, He Chose Her

wo dozen of them-arranged in a crystal vase on the windowsill with the sort of clinical perfection one g

any expensive, anonymous object is

tals at an angle that might have been quite beautiful at another time, and Lena just lay there i

r phone, so clear and candlelit, Vivienne's hair brushing the tip of Ethan's shoulder. She clo

led up to the elbows, arm draped over his knee, his head propped slightly f

sed in anything less than immaculate even when asleep, but the careful artifice was missing somewhere, something beneath the surface, some

ep longer than she w

fly wore through the architecture he'd constructed around himself. The line of his jaw. The knitting of his brow even in sleep. He was always worrying. She loved him so

differe

lves not to be surprised do, and before his face settled into its familiar expression there was a momentary flash acros

t was a low rough sound

The plastic tasted flat, it was true, but she didn'

red across his f

mooth with this man, ironing herself out into such smooth surfaces that he had no purchase on, and she recognized, dully, that she was doing it again, without thought, m

just guilt. There was too much that was more complicated than th

can wait

uldn't wait

lf to make and lacking the armour she'd intended her words to wear as they lande

n the brief moments of indecision when she could feel the calculations of the different choices that flicke

said. "Waiting. Before y

new

sed. She could s

toward the roses on the sill. "She thought it was very romantic that you waited all night withou

morning – the clatter of carts and steps, someone'

r. A piece of jewellery. White roses in a crystal vase procured by someone who didn't even know her name. Something in Lena's chest cinched tight with the familiar ach

y," she said. B

lection now, lower, simpler. "Last nigh

very often, and for whom even that sentence felt like building some impossible structure with unfamiliar materials. A part of her, the one that had known and love

as the other. The resolution that had taken shape while

e photog

ong but she fe

meone wanted it taken and they wanted me to see it." He visibly flinched; "I'm not saying that was you; I'm saying that someone orbitin

estment in the acquisition, her father, Marcus Cole, one of the boa

ho Marcus

ontained movement, deliberate. "The pi

an too well to ever really know anything about him; he hated it when she got angry; he knew what to do with that, but quiet made him squirm. "I'm n

lready-disheveled hair. "I'll have the car waiting when t

is coming over

nessed it in her life with Ethan over the years – his penchant for conveniently not acknowledging that her life had a tendency

ights spent lying awake listening to him coming home in the early hours, three years of conversations that skirted entirely around what they ought to have

ce mild, as she wasn't cruel, and never wanted to

f a mixture of apprehension and relief in his gaze, like a man expecting a bombing that h

well,"

e was

he didn't know, and a text from Margaret that just read, glad you came through, and opened her contacts. Scrolled down to a name she hadn't touched in three years. A

e with it fo

as upon her like a force of nature, scarf dragging on the floor, half-buttoned coat, a paper bag of take out in one hand, and the c

the kind of devoted, possessive fierceness that only friends who have known each other for half a lifetime could manage. I swear to absolute God Lena, i

felt a space bloom i

or a good few minutes while morning light traced patterns across the white roses on the windowsill. Lena was silent,

s. "You remember three years ago... when I told

ery still.

er what you

lence. Deliberate. "I

t the one letter in her contacts like a ke

, one of surprise first, then something older and more serious underneath it, a sort o

been planning this?

though, because Sera had known her fifteen years, she'd seen it. The softness was still there in some way, but

urviving it. There's a difference." She looked back dow

resse