Babbitt

n Avenue Car Line would be extended, and a dinner which was, as he rejoiced to his wife, not only "a regular society spread but a real sure-enough highbrow affair, with some of

which hosts have as many as four people at dinner without planning it for more than an evening or two. But

ied, debated, and arbit

aining a famous poet like Chum Frink, a fellow that on nothing but a poem or so every

the other evening Eunice told me her papa

! So do I-American,

ow wonderful it must be to speak three languages, and so useful and-An

e is a mighty up-

now, but-

gardening? Say, that fellow can tell you the name of every kind of tree, and some of their Greek and Latin names too! Besides, we owe the J

t as host you ought to sit back and listen, and let

other day your darn Chum Frink comes up to me at the club begging to know what I thought about the Springfield school-bond issue. And who told him? I did! You bet your life I told him! Little m

rville Joneses

the dinner, Mrs. B

sure and be home early tonigh

esbyterian General Assembly has voted to q

I said? You must be home

ow! Think I'm going down to

ntly before the children! And you d

ou, of all the doggone nonsensical

't know whether I'm going to dress or NOT" in a manner whic

the way home and get the ice cream. Their delivery-wagon i

told me that b

working my head off all day long, trainin

an extra girl for the feed.

he salted almonds, and look at the chickens, and arrange for the children to have their

t! Gosh, I'm g

the ice cream that Mrs. Babbitt ordered yesterd

ed to him not to forget th

ral Heights dinners were worth the hideous toil involved. But he repent

ining alcohol under the reign o

orchard but now a morass of lodging-houses, tenements, and brothels. Exquisite shivers chilled his spine and stomach, and he looked at every policeman with intense innocence, as one who loved the law,

ss of something which resembled whisky, and with two men at the bar, drinking something which resembled beer, and giving that impression of forming a large crowd which two men always give in a saloon.

g place, my friend. We sell nothing but soft drinks here." He cleaned the bar with a rag which

ble petitioned the barten

id not

listen, will yu

of inanition over Babbitt. The bartender moved grimly toward the crowd of two men. Babbitt fo

anta see

talk to him. H

ge F. Babbitt was Estates, Insurance, Rents. The bartender held it as though it weighed ten pounds, and read it as tho

ers-Mr. Healey Hanson. Mr. Hanson said only "Yuh?" but his implacable and contemptuous eyes queried Babbitt's soul, and he seemed not at all impressed

ge Babbitt of the Babbitt-Thompson Realty Co

what

fix me up with a little gin." In alarm, in obsequiousness, as Hanson's

elodramatically crept into an apartment containing four round tables, eleven chairs, a brewery calendar, an

weary entrance he besought "Could you fix that up?" Hanson scowled, and grated, "Just a minute-Pete's sake-just a min-ute!" In growing meekness Babb

ucks," he

thought you'd be able to fix me

spirits with a drop of juniper extract," the honest merchant said virtuously. "Twelve bon

rs. He felt honored by contact with greatness as Hanson yawned, stuf

gurgled over his ability to "give the Boys a real shot in the arm to-night." He was, in fact, so exhilarated that he was within a block of his house befor

nice teas the guests recognized the five kinds of Vecchia sandwiches and the seven kinds of Vecchia cakes; and all really smart dinners ended, as on a r

inheres in whites of eggs. Babbitt felt heavy and thick amid this professional daintiness, and as he waited for the ice cream he decided, with hot prick

ber to go to Vecchia's

Do I ever forge

! Of

joint like Vecchia's and having to stand around looking at a lot of half-naked young girls, a

u! I've noticed how you ha

as giving a dinner, he slew the temptation to wear his plaited dress-shirt for a fourth time, took out an entirely fresh one, tightened his black bow, and rubbed his patent-leather pumps with a handkerchief. He glanced with pleasure at his garnet and silver studs. He smoothed and patted his ankles, transformed by silk socks from the sturdy s

he sink in the pantry, he felt as authoritative as the bartender at Healey Hanson's saloon. True, Mrs. Babbitt said he was under foot, and Matilda and the m

ss a cocktail-shaker. A shaker was proof of dissipation, the symbol of a Drinker, and Babbitt disliked being known as a Drinker even more than he liked a Drink. He mixed by pouring from an ancient gravy-b

near one fine old cocktail! Kind of a Bronx, and yet like a Manha

with resolution implacable on her face her gray and silver-lace party frock protec

jocose manner, "I th

e of devastating desires-to rush places in fast motors, to kiss girls, to sin

f cocktails in the refrigerator. B

eh

on't go putting anyth

eh

inced into the safety of the living-room. He wondered whether he could persuade "as slow a bunch as Myra and the Littlefields to go som

ted with painful amiability, a great gray emptiness had replaced the purple swirling in Babbi

White Laundry, which justly announced itself "the biggest, busiest, bulliest cleanerie shoppe in Zenith." But, naturally, the most distinguished of all was T. Cholmondeley Frink, who was not only the author of "Poemulations," which, syndicated daily in sixty-seven leading newspapers, gave him one of the largest audiences of any poet in the wo

mouse-like hair, advertising his profession as poet by a silk cord on his eye-glasses; Vergil Gunch, broad, with coarse black hair en brosse; Eddie Swanson, a bald and bouncing young man who showed his taste for elegance by an evening waistcoat of figured black silk with glass buttons; Orville Jones, a steady-looking, stubby, not very memorable p

nner that the weather had been rather warm and slightly cold, but still Babbitt said nothing about drinks. They became despondent. But

e. Frink pulled at his eye-glass cord as at a bell-rope,

h is a regular yegg, and of course he's bigger 'n I am, and I just can't

ent on, "So if Verg and you insist, Georgie, I'll park my car on the wrong side

Jones asserted, "Mr. Frink is simply too

ils in the glass pitcher in the center. The men babbled, "Oh, gosh, have a look!" and "This gets me right where I live!" and "Let me at it!" But Chum Frink, a traveled man and not unused to woes, was stricken by the thought that the potion migh

k had completed a news

who'd like the old-time gin-mill back; that den that makes a sage a loon, the vile and smelly old saloon! I'll never miss

; he wanted to give them a thousand cocktails. "Think you could stand another?" he cried. The wives refused, with giggles,

d Babbitt to each of them, and each int

r heels, put their hands in their trousers-pockets, and proclaimed their views with the booming profundity of

ause I've talked to a lot of doctors and fellows that ought to know, and the way I see it is that i

ria? I think it was Bavaria-yes, Bavaria, it was-in 1862, March, 1862, he issued a proclamation against public grazing of live-stock. The peasantry had stood for overtaxation without t

ght to invade personal lib

y good thing for the working-classes. Keeps 'em from wasting th

Now, if I'd been running the thing, I'd have arranged it so that the drinker himself was licensed, and then we could have taken care of t

ringly at one another, and stated, "

t a lot of these guys will take t

, and groaned, "That's so,

hold of a swell new receipt for home

sted, "I've got the receipt that does the business!" Swanson begged, "Oh, say, lemme tell you the story-" But Frink went on res

etness; Frink hastened to finish even his best be

l Gunch made them laugh by thundering, "If I can't sit next to Myra Babbitt and hold her hand under the table, I won't play-I'm goin' home." In the dining-room they stood

y the men found it hard to talk to the women; flirtation was an art unknown on Floral Heights, and the realms of offices and of kitchens had no alliances. But under the inspiration of the co

can get all the hootch

s for ten cases of red-eye that proved to be nothing but water? Seem

e raft of stuff being sm

t a lot of folks don't re

s awful poison stuff-wood

propose to have anybody telling me what I got to t

recognized as one of the wits of the occasion anyway-to say, "In fact, the whol

ic had been dealt with did th

, gosh, if I crack anything that's just the least bit off color I get the razz for fair!" Now Gunch delighted them by crying to Mrs. Eddie Swanson, youngest of the women, "Louetta! I managed

like naughtiness. "Say, folks, I wished I dar

e idea!" Mrs. Ba

cal report about-about Customs, in the South Seas, and what it do

ted Eddie Swanson

ves," and, in the best Jewish accent, he resolutely carried the Good One to a slightly disinfected

ation! I certainly been seeing some hick towns! I mean-Course the folks there are the best on earth, but, gee whiz, those

e small-town folks, but, oh, mama! what conversation! Why, say, they can

alk about just the same t

st say the same things over

ng at things impersonally. They simply go over and over the same t

ven't got any intellectual stimulus such as y

up on his toes to sit in with a poet and with Howard, the guy that put the con in economics! But these small-town boobs, with no

Yapville sports think they're all-get-out if they have one change of bill a week, where he

up against high-class hustlers every day and

ba I have to go around apologizing to the fellows I was brought up with because I've more or less succeeded and they haven't. And if you talk natural to 'em, way we do here, and show finesse and what you might call a broad point of view, why, they think you're putting on side. There's my own h

ve a high-class lecture, and read some of my best poetry-not the newspaper stuff but the magazine things. But say, when I get out in the tall grass, there's nothin

or 'em: Every small American town is trying to get population and modern ideals. And darn if a lot of 'em don't put it across! Somebody starts panning a rube crossroads, telling how he was there in 1900 and it consisted of one muddy street, count 'em, one, and nine hundred human clams. Well, you go back there in 1920, and you find pavement

I

they knew that he was also a Famous Poet and a distinguished advertising-agent; that behind his easiness were sultry lite

arder to do my poems-all these Heart Topics: home and fireside and happiness-but they're cinches. You can't go wrong on 'em; you know what sentiments any decent go-ahead fellow must have if he plays the game, and you stick right to 'em. But the poetry of industrialism, now there's a literary line where you got to open up

"stepping on her a bit!" Guess that's going some, all right-BUT just among ourselves, you better start a rapidwhiz system to keep tabs as to how f

r; always delightfully cool and fragrant! For a fact, you never ho

Why-packed with Prince Albert you can play a joy'us jimmy

t anyway: now, him, he doesn't write for long-haired pikers, he writes for Regular Guys, he writes for ME, and I tip my benny to him! The only thing is: I wonder if it sells the goods? Course, like all these poets, this Prince Albert f

the kind of stuff I'd like to do for the Zeeco. But I simply can't. So I decided to stick to

for care. Speed-glorious Speed-it's more than just a moment's exhilaration-it's Life for you and me! This great new truth the makers of the Zeeco Car have considered as much as price and style. It's fleet as the antelope,

do say so, but it ain't got the originality of 'spill-of-sp