My Bully Next Door

l

s quiet whe

lway

tles over everything before I even take another step. It's the kind o

I call

th

t never home before dark. Sometimes not until long after. Work comes first because bills come first, an

ff my shoes. The small sounds echo throug

is no

is my

here I try

doesn't seem to

ind a bag of peas and a box of waffles. I grab the one closest to the front without even looking at wha

sure I'm

t know what

g at the little plate spinning behind the glass. For a few minutes, I let the sound fill

doing exactly what I

lway co

laug

spit

ryone stopp

unded when he said my name

clearly. His friends laughing. Sean's stupid grin. Beckett standing there with that bor

hem do that to

nds too loud in

and stare down

don't have

ver

ything until it sits heavy in my chest? Why do I act

oat ti

I always

my voice

al

crowav

n't

ormally I'd take it out anyway and eat it standing up because sitting at the table

the counter and l

, shut the door behind me, and for one second, I

only place I don'

ol, I'm

e, I'm

don't have

ight fixture that I've looked at so many times I could probably draw it from me

esn't

th catches i

te this,"

rn, and I

't

ag

over

over

ws. Then another. Before I can stop it, I'm rolling onto my side and curling

sees th

e eve

e girl who lowers her head. The girl wh

ee what happ

ll apart in a room that feels too

always me?"

ugly and bro

wrong w

estion that h

of me must believe

d decide she deserves it for no reason. There has to be something ab

cross my room, past the stack of books on my desk, past the laundry basket I st

es land on

ree

ond, I do

I s

the room, like part of me alre

nt of the mir

ly l

ized

e je

round my face

hidden. Cov

a

I've always

re safe. Looking down is safe. Taking

cks drying on my cheeks and my sleeves

el e

oving myself piece by pie

look like me

ause the truth is, I'm not sure

who I

etty e

hin e

fident

irl people notice

girl Beckett C

off so fast it al

o

utely

thing I'm allowe

everything

ks at me in school like

and asked for help like I should be

the mirror, but t

t a

wful q

I just be

use she said it would frame my face. The stylist took that as a personal challenge and

hat, I

eople somethin

me usually me

s is just

l peopl

people

because speaking up onl

arms around them. The room is quiet again, but this time it doesn't

ce slips i

be invisible, you forgot you we

llow

her memor

p o

te

sa

somethi

n't feel

shouldn't fe

it d

if it goes

eryone lau

something so cruel I never w

se my

ught comes, quie

f he d

ath ca

's part of the

s what Beckett would think if I looked different. If I stopped hiding. If I w

his isn't a

it can

the girl in the mirror who looks like

a shaky

feel like this an

s the

wanting to

ing people to

rter to look at me like I'm

hate myself every tim

clothes that make me feel invisible

rying alone in a room

mething d

know what that

f I'm

manage right now

ne before I can ta

hover over

I almost put t

nk about t

the ha

eckett'

letting everyone else

sage thread an

our cousin I'll

d it, my heart beating too fast fo

ears almost

OH M

ano

is is no

ng, a tiny laugh

my chest and lie ba

n't a

t

sn't a n

that feels l