The Clicking of Cuthbert

ed Th

ecant their nearest and dearest upon it in whatever quantity they please. All over the links, in consequence, happy, laughing groups of children had broken out like a rash. A wan-faced adult, who had been held

?" inquire

it on the sixth, but he ducked. These children make me tired. They should be bowling their hoops in the road

is head. He could not sub

t pleases me to see my fellow human beings-and into this category golf-children, though at the moment you may not be broad-minded enough to admit it, undoubtedly fall-taking to the noblest of games at an e

lf, his had not been altogether an ill-spent life. He swung a creditable racket at tennis, was always ready to contribute a baritone solo to charity concerts, and gave freely to the poor. He was what you might call a golden-mean man, g

man. Betty was one of those ardent, vivid girls, with an intense capacity for hero-worship, and I would have supposed that something more in the nature of a plumed knight or a corsair of the deep would have been her ideal. But, of course, if there is a branch

affairs when Eddie Denton a

e happened to espy Mortimer. He broke into a run when he saw us, and galloped up, waving a piece of paper in his hand. He w

ed. "Good news! Dea

t friend," she explained to me. "He has told me so much about him. I have

at school and the 'Varsity together. There's nobody like Eddie! He landed yesterday. Just home from Central Africa

ly by themselves. In a large country like Africa, for instance, I should imagine that it was almost impossible for a man not to get somewhere if he goes on long enough. Give me the fellow who can plunge into the bowels of the earth at Piccadilly Circ

d, dear, to you and Eddie meeting. He is just your sort. I know how romantic you are and keen on adventure and all that. Well, you should hear Eddie tell

ble girl these things really are of absorbing interest. For myself, bongos intrigu

lor himself. He told me once that he considered the wisest thing ever said by human tongue was the Swahili proverb-'Whoso taketh a woman into his kraal depositeth himself straightway in the

palmist reading his hand at two guineas a visit. There are other proverbs fully as wise as the one which Mortimer had translated from the Swahili, and one of the wisest is that quaint old East London saying, handed down from one generation of costermongers to another, and whispered at midnight in the wigwams of the whelk-seller! "Never introduce your donah to a pal." In t

*

second evening of the explorer's visit,

jaw without which no explorer is complete, and Mortimer, beside him, seemed but a poor, soft product of our hot-house civilization. Mortimer, I forgot to say, wore glasses; and, if the

have interrupted him in the middle of narrative. He sho

fairly friendly, so I de

rly friendly to an explorer. If you do

ve, were carried down on the longos, or rapids. It was not, however, till the second evening that I managed to catch sight of his ugly snout above the surface. I waited around, and on the third day I saw him suddenly come out of the water and heave his whole length on to a

arply. Mortimer was beaming through his glasses with the air of the ow

hen, Mr. Denton?" aske

u do then, old ch

match and dropped

arelessly, "I swam a

oss and s

m the bank, but the chances were I wouldn't have hit him in a vital place. So I swam across to the sandbank,

readfully

the time when things really did look a little nasty was when the wounded gongo cornered me in a narrow tongo and I only had a pock

got away. From the expression on the girl's face I could see that it was o

*

d on me and told me that the worst had happened. I had known her from

ce," she began. "

hole in four. My friends tell me that there is no finer soporific, and it seemed as though they may be right, for presently, just as I had reached the poin

die Denton

. When did you fe

was just telling me how he had been bitten by a poisonous zongo, when I seemed to go all giddy. Wh

rgl

Walla natives of Eastern Uganda, into which he always drops in moments of great emotion. He soon recovered sufficient

s Mortimer al

oguing his coll

t, who could stay indoors cataloguing vases while his fiancee wandered in the moo

you to

ourse

it might be of

er. So is Eddie. We would both die rather than do anything to hurt him. Ed

going to break of

ill say good-bye to me and creep far, far away to some distant desert, and there, i

hing can be done,' what do

you think it possible that somehow Mortimer might ta

loves you

ropped one of his best vases, and he j

t. This morning Mortimer came to me and as

t he desp

is going to learn

secret

a surprise for your birthday.

thy of him!"

s gave m

"we could convinc

t under

d be made to believe that you w

head. "He know

ha

I sometimes wal

a secret

e me to pretend to

iend?" I sugge

e medi

I said. "A

is t

who stea

hat's

tly ladylike thing to do.

now I do it, how d

your

tell Mortimer I do

omorrow that you called on me this afternoon and stole my

ve that little

I merely say you stol

ll hit you w

t me. What he will do is to insist on confronting m

d t

and release him f

nce. I could see that my wo

new you would suggest something wonderful." She hesitated. "You don't think it would make

, firmly, as I reached for the vinaigr

lance fell on the carpet. That, howeve

od-bye,"

timer at six-thirty tomorrow. You may exp

*

tee he was already there. We exchanged a brief greeting and I handed him a

stance. "You're sure it's fair to have the ball

ectly

t to be coddled beca

teed up for the dr

to me to take all the element of spor

raight

ean, suppose I smash a windo

ou residence some five hund

mes out in his pyjamas and offers you th

began to address the ba

say before you start?" he a

makes you feel any easier

game," said Mortimer, firmly, "I

a mass of shapeless clay. I experience the emotions of a creator. Here, I say to myself, is a semi-sentient being into whose soulle

ll. The club, whizzing down, brushed the surface of the rubber sphere, top

d Mortimer, unra

ything to write to the golfing journals about,

appened

him in

e off the ball, and pressed, and forgot to use your wrists, and swung back too fast, and let the hands get ahead

lent for

ime," he said, "than the ca

line-the Rubicon, as it were-that separates the golfer from the non-golfer. This moment comes immediately after his first good drive. In the ninety minutes in which I instructe

urveyed his blistered ha

Where's the sense in it? Hitting a rotten little ball with a stick! If I want exercise, I'll take a stick and go and rattle

drive, and t

ou like. No sens

the tee, flew a hundred yards in a dead straight line never ten feet above the ground, soared another seventy

did!"

seemed

d that

him ver

took your eye off the ball, and slowed back, and let the arms come well through, and rolled the wrists, and let th

"Yes, I thought

et's g

you read in the comic papers about people foozling all over the place and breaking clubs and all that. You've only to exercise a little reasonable care. And what a corking game it is! Nothing like it in the world! I wonder if Betty is up yet. I must go

put my hand on his shoul

, I fear I have b

the head-- What's

ut B

her? Don't sway the bod

afternoon Betty called to see me. When she had go

your m

my mat

here were faults on bot

I sway my bo

you realize that Betty, the girl you a

eptom

out to do a little shopping! Think of yourself, left alone at home, watching the clock, saying to yourself, 'Now she is lifting a pa

she d

Or, rather, she could not refrain from

us closer tog

had proved Mortimer Sturgis to be of pure gold. H

any of those sales-those auction-sales, you know, where you're allowed to i

and fell in

*

implanted at birth, and suppression causes it to grow and grow till-it may be at forty, fifty, sixty-it suddenly bursts its bonds and sweeps over the victim like a tidal wave. The wise man, who begins to play in childhood, is enabled to let the poison exude gradually from his sy

ed him to open a shop; and he went on buying them at the rate of two and three a day. On Sundays, when it was impossible to buy clubs, he was like a lost spirit. True, he would do his regular four rounds on the day of

putting. He intended in future, he said, to use a croquet mallet, and he wondered that no one had ever thought of it b

a paragraph in a magazine to the effect that Mr. Hutchings, an ex-amateur champion, did not begin to play till he was past forty, and that his opponent in

*

core of a hundred and three minus twenty-four-she could feel nothing warmer than respect. Those were dreary days for Betty. We three-she and I and Eddie Denton-often talked over Mortimer's strange obsession. Denton said that, except that Mortimer had not

or we may plunge into still deeper depths of soul-sickness; but always the crisis comes. I

ninth green, was Mortimer. He was grovelling on the floor, and I confess that, when I caught sight of him, my heart stood still. I feared that his reason, sappe

as he heard

. "Can you see a

matter of fact, this is the club-house. The links are outside there. Why not come away with me very quietly and let us see if we can't find some balls on the links? If you will wai

ng me. "I got on the ninth green in eleven with a nice mashie-niblick, but

e was broken, and my relief was great. I went down on my knees and help

here it lies, or may I tee up and lose a stroke? If I have to

pale, set face told me that there was to be a scene, and I w

waggle of his niblick. "I'm bunkered in the piano. My app

rl, tensely, "I want to

could have seen my drive at the

ked at hi

d," she said,

Why, of course. I tried the o

sed to take me for a ri

were

playin

sick of the

shook

at!" he said. "I somehow felt, the moment I began my u

e. Will you take me for a dri

can

What are y

playin

n, without having him treat her as a mere acquaintance. Her conscience fighting with her love for Eddie Denton had kept her true to Mortimer, and Mortimer accepted t

with me to watch th

u ever take m

n't d

ould l

r a fellow's game. You never hear of any first-

. Mortimer, you must cho

one yesterday. You can't expect a fellow to g

ing more to say. Our en

t in his voice which cut me to the heart. "You'll make me so mise

w herself up. He

!" she said, and s

*

ry still, looking at the glistening circle in his ha

y boy, bear

d at me

d!" he

br

speaking as

ed. "While in the corner, little Harry Vardon Sturgis played with little J. H. Taylor Sturgis. And round the room-reading, busy with their childish tasks-

My boy!

s the

ng yourself rathe

his hea

dully. "I don't kn

was a

Sturgis I had known so well. "And yet," he said, "who knows? Perhaps it is all for the best. They might all have turned out tennis-players!" He raised his niblick ag

*

improving all the time. He was not present at the wedding, being unavoidably detained by a medal tournament; but, if you turn up the fi

, J. MO

ing Golf-balls and

sting, Self-Compens