The Woman-Haters

d fiercely, "don't you say nothin' to me! Don't you put me out. I'm goin' to t

nocked his hat from his forehead with a blow of his fist and actually

you needn't do this; you mustn't. I

est. Good heavens alive, I've been smotherin' myself with it for years, and, now I've g

wa'n't always married, you understand. I use

Brown, repre

there was anything hum

and Seth Atkins is only part of my name; never mind that, neither. I sailed that schooner and I run that schooner-I RUN her; and w

of the state: I stayed single till I got to be past forty. Everybody s

as something remarkable. His comp

d land, she did, and had some money in the bank. Some folks cal'lated I married her for that, but they cal'lated wron

ed that Emeline was a v

d farm it, as you might say. We lived in the house she owned and was real happy together. She bossed me around a good deal, but I didn't mind bein' bossed by her. 'Twas a change, you see, for I'd always be

truck his knee with his fist. "Consa

sistant ventured

ennie D.?"

brought to a science. However, he was forever fussin' over some kind of machine that was sartin sure to give power to the universe, when 'twas done, and Emeline's husband-his name was Abner-thought the world and all of him. 'Fore he died he made Emeline promise to alwa

visit. And he stays on and stays on. He never took no shine to me-I judge he fig

she petted that blame inventor, and it made me mad. And yet I didn't say much-not so much as I'd ought to, I guess. And Bennie D. was always heavin' out little side remarks about Emeline's bein' fitted for better things than she was gettin', and how, when his invention was 'perfected,' HE'D see that she didn't slave herself to death,

cked as the Come-Outer parson does when there's a baby born to a Universalist family. He'd get up and shut the door, as if he was scart the neighbors' morals would suffer-though the only neighbor within hearin' was an old critter that used to run a billiard

'll give her credit for that. She didn't begin to look as happy as she had, and that made me feel wo

w I ain't the husband I'd ought to be to you, but I'm doin

f laughin' and half cryin'. 'No, Seth,

I says again; 'and if you ask me, I'd say

on't like Benn

at,' I says; 'but somehow I don't seem to fit around

ised Abner. I can't tell him to go. I can't tel

'twas hers. If I ever forgot that fact, which wa'n't by no means likely to happen, Bennie D. took oc

se you can't. He's y

seems kind of queer to me now. I've thought about that look a good deal sin

age bitter, 'but second hus

t seem to, that's

, 'I don't count for

he. 'And whose

an quit this landlubber's job where I'm nothin' but a swab, and

ed and lo

never to go to s

'some promises a

ot,' says she. 'Would yo

,' says I. 'He's a genius;

ful. 'Are you sartin you'r

e, I ain't,' I says. And that

Went down to the store and hung around, listenin' to fools' gabble, and wishin' I was dead. And the more I stayed out, the more Benn

g story and looked out

ed Brown. The lightkeepe

idow, too; been good lookin' once and couldn't forget it, and she lived down nigh the store. When I'd be goin' down or comin' b

f cour

n an hour steady every time she set it goin'. Talk! my jiminy crimps, how that woman could talk! I couldn't get away; I tried to, but, my soul, she wouldn't let me. An

es preferred. But my stayin' out nights wasn't helpin' the joyfulness of things to home, and one

in' room. Emeline was there, and Bennie D., and I give you my word, I felt like turnin' up my coat col

it; but I'd have been glad if they had. Finally, I

n. 'Well, Emeline,' says I,

ad a way of laughin' that made other folks want to cry-

ster,' says he. 'He knows how fo

I used to be a sailor, I s'pose. And that inventor knew she didn't like it, and so he rubbed

Emeline,' I says, 'I'm ho

. 'Yes, Seth,' says sh

e is no place like home"-when the other p

. That was another of his little ways-to do a

asks, 'where

says I, casual. 'It'

he weather signals. 'Where 'bouts

to the stor

' says she. Bennie D. chuckled, and then begg

ad to see me,' I says. 'Where th

e store the whole

says I. 'Where

ed it once, and Bennie D. jumped to pick it up for her, quick as a wink. I set down in the rockin' chair and took the Gloucester paper. But I didn'

ut. 'What have I done this time? Don't yo

'I want you to go anywheres that you want to go. I never'll stan

I. 'Don't I always

e tonight. You've been callin' on

ool Sarah Ann. I cal'late I turned nineteen different shades of red, and for a minute I

see Sarah Ann Christy?' I hollered

were seen th

o se

eren't here to go with me, Bennie was good enough to go. It ain't pleasant for a

and pricked my consc

ith you, Emeline,' I says. 'Any time, you kn

n since you asked to

es, Emeline?' says I, eager. 'Do you?

e husband ever do anything on his own responsibility? Seth, I married you because I

nto the talk right here. I c

. Remember you and me saw him tonight, saw him with our own eyes,

in'!' I

e, solemn. 'I don't wond

! I ain't

ister? NOW I hope

s 'cause 'twas so hot. And as for callin' on her, I wa'n't. I was just passin' by, and she sings out what a dreadful

d answer, Bennie co

is was the first time you h

way from her everlastin' tongue-clackin'. But when 'twas put right up to me this way, I-I declare I was all fussed up. I felt sick and I guess I l

me. I swung roun

s. 'Ain't you ashamed, makin' trouble

belonged to my sister-in-law,' he say

him; 'settin' here doin' nothin' bu

. The shocked expression came across his face

is no place for you. Language like that is . . . ther

to me that she didn't go. She just stood still and looked

n was enough importance to remember. I didn't lie to you-I never did. Oh, Emeline, you know I did

ie D. That was the final s

s, and I don't know which. But I know this: you a

three lookin' at each other, and the clock a-tickin', an

'Either you clear out

in it came to me strong that it wa'n't re

's got to be. You must

in her eyes, almost a hopeful look, seem's if 'twas, and yet

says she. 'I promised to give h

'All right,' I says; 't

ammed the back door it seemed as if I heard her sing out my name. I waited, but I guess I was m

t he laid a hand sympathetically on the older man's

e, but I couldn't; somehow I couldn't bring myself to do it. You see, I'd promised her I wouldn't ever go to sea again, and so-well, I was a dum idiot, I s'pose, but I wouldn't break the promise. I knew the superintendent of ligh

rown ventured to a

e lady?" he aske

what nobody this side of Boston knows. And you can understand why I'm willin' to be buried alive down here. 'Cause a woman wrecked my life; I'm done with women; and to this forsaken hole no w

dering the affair settle

certainly do sympathize with you. But-but, as I

hat do y

not the only woman

oman given YO

! I've got to talk to somebody. At least, I feel that way just now. Let's suppose a case. Suppose you were a young fellow not long out of college-a young fellow whose mother was de

hard supposin', but

e enough girl, too, in her way. But, then suppose that little by little you came to realize that her way wasn't yours. You and she liked each other well enough, but the whole thing was a family arrangement, a money arrangement, a perfectly respectable, buy-and-sell affair. That and nothing else. And the

s HAD to root, so I ain't a competent j

d she would want to know why-naturally. I had quarreled with the governor-yes, but why? Then I should have to tell her the real reason: I didn't want to marry her or anybody else on such a bargain-counter basis. That seemed such a rotten thing to say, and she might ask why it had taken me such a long time to find it out. No, I just COULDN'T tell her that. S

made no comment. After a mo

enough left to buy a square meal. Then, by bull luck, I fell overboard and landed here. And here I found the solution. I'm dead. If the governor gets soft-hearted and gets private detectives on my trail, they'll find I disappeared from that steamer, that's all. Drowned, of course. SHE'LL think so, too. 'Good riddance to bad rubbish' is

th laid a big han

y right here long's you want to. As for women folks that do come-why, we'll dodge 'em if we can, and share responsibility if we must. But there's one thing you'v

t snorted co

he declared, "I hereby request that you hit me, politely, but firmly, with

u catch me gettin' confectionery with a woman, I . . . well, don't stop

k, with grea