Three Men in a Boat

e" boards.-Unchristianlike feelings of Harris.-How Harris sings a comic song.-A high-class par

third course-the bread and jam-when a gentleman in shirt-sleeves and a short pipe came along, and wanted to know if we knew that we were trespassing. We said we hadn't given the matter sufficient conside

med to be dissatisfied, so we asked him if there was anything further that we could do

ead and jam; for he declined it quite gruffly, as if he were vexed at

accomplishing it. Harris is what you would call a well-made man of about number one size, and looks hard and bony, and the ma

dles in this way. They represent themselves as sent by the proprietor. The proper course to pursue is to offer your name and address, and leave the owner, if he really has anything to do with the matter, to summon you, and prove what damage you

o this along the minor tributary streams and in the backwaters. They drive posts into the bed of the stream, and draw chains across from bank to bank, and nail huge notice-boards on every tree. The sight of those notice-boards rou

ill the man who caused the board to be put up, but that he should like to slaughter the whole of his family and all his friend

jolly well right, and I'd go and

mere vindictiveness. It was a long while before I could get Harris to take a more Christian view of the subject, but I succeeded at

ne of Harris's fixed ideas that he can sing a comic song; the fixed idea, on the contrary, among those of Harris's fr

sing a comic song, you know;" and he says it in a tone that implies that his

Harris gets up, and makes for the piano, with the beaming cheeriness

ys the hostess, turning round; "Mr.

ome up from the stairs, and go and fetch each other from all over the house,

arris

in the middle of a note, that he is too high, and comes down with a jerk. You don't bother about time. You don't mind a man being two bars in front of th

ine, and snigger, and say, it's very funny, but he's blest if he can think of the rest of it, and then try and make it up for himself, and, afterwards, suddenly recollect it, when he has got to an entirely different pa

. I expect you all know it, you know. But it's the only thing I know. It's the Judge's song out of Pinafore-no, I do

us pianist commences prelude over again, and Harris, commencing singing at the same time, dashes off the first two lines of the First Lord's song out of "Pinafore." Nervous pianist tries to push on with prelude, gives it

nt): "It's all right. You're do

id there's a mistake somew

Judge's song out of Trial

room): "No, you're not, you chuckle-head, yo

s singing so long as Harris gets on and sings it, and Harris, with an evident sense of injustice rankling inside him, requests pianist to begin aga

rr

oung and calle

nist, thinking of his wife and family, gives up the unequal con

old man, you start off, and I'll foll

ughing): "By Jove! I beg your pardon. Of course-I've been mixing

om the cellar, and suggesting the first

s young I s

y to an atto

low, old man; we'll have that

time. Great surprise on the part of the audience. Nervous o

(cont

windows and I

d

floor-no, dash it-I beg your pardon-funny thing, I can't think of that lin

ddle-diddle-diddl

he ruler of the

is the last two line

al Ch

dle-diddle-diddle-

the ruler of th

ying a lot of people who never did him any harm. He honestly imagines that he

which I once assisted; which, as it throws much light upon the inner mental wo

Germany, commonplace young men, who seemed restless and uncomfortable, as if they found the proceedings slow. The truth was, we were too clever for them. Our brilliant but poli

scussed philosophy and ethics. We flirted with gracef

was beautiful; and then a lady sang a sentimental ballad in

er heard Herr Slossenn Boschen (who had just arrived, and was

eard it, that we

Herr Slossenn Boschen, whom they knew very well, to sing it. They said it was so funny that, when Herr Slossen

eciting a tragedy, and that, of course, made it all the funnier. They said he never once suggested by his tone or manner that he wa

anted a good laugh; and they went downst

g it, for he came up at once, and sat

two young men, as they passed through the room, and too

ong exactly. It was a weird, soulful air. It quite made one's flesh creep; but w

re to guess my ignorance; so I hit upon what I thought to be rather a good idea. I kept my eye on the two young students, and followed them. When they tittered, I tittered; when they roare

as myself. These other people also tittered when the young men tittered, and roared when the young men roared; and, as the t

ner was half the humour. The slightest hint on his part that he knew how funny he was would have completely ruined it all. As we continued to laugh, his surprise gave way to an air of annoyance and indignation, and he scowled fiercely round upon us all (except upon t

but for our being forewarned as to the German method of comic singing, we should have been nervous; and he threw

as that, in the face of things like these, there should be a popular notion that the Germans hadn't any sense of humour. And we asked the Pro

judge to be a singularly effective language for that purpose), and he danced, and shook his fis

he air; and then, in the last verse, he jilted her spirit, and went on with another spirit-I'm not quite sure of the details, but it was something very sad, I know. Herr Boschen said he had sung it once befo

looked around for the two young men who had done this thing, but they had lef

another. We came downstairs one at a time, walking softly, and keeping the shady side. We asked the servant for our hats and coats in w

uch interest in Germ

weetly pretty just there before you come to the gates, and

and they said, oh, yes, they thought so, if I pulled hard. We were just under the little foot-bridge that cross

it was a pleasure to watch me. At the end of five minutes, I thought we ought to be pretty near the weir, and I looked up. We were under the bridge, in exactly the same spot that we were when I began, and there

fancy it was a village of some half-dozen houses, all told. Windsor and Abingdon are the only towns between London and Oxford that you can really see anything of from the stream. All

make hideous as much of the river as it can reach, is good-

n. Also Queen Elizabeth, she was there, too. You can never get away from that woman, go where you will. Cromwell and Bradshaw (not th

ancient days for curbing women's tongues. They have given up the attempt now

nk of them, and we went on. Above the bridge the river winds tremendously. This makes it look picturesque; but it irritates

ich you can see for a fee, and which is supposed to be very wonderful; but I cannot see much in it myself. The late Duchess of York, who lived at Oatlands, was very fond of dogs, and kept an

erve it quite as much as

had prepared the river for C?sar, by planting it full of stakes (and had, no doubt, put up a notice-board). But C?sar c

however, with a poem on it, and I was nervous lest Harris should want to get out and fool round it. I saw him fix a longing eye on the landing-stage as we drew near it, so I mana

explore, and never have), the Bourne, and the Basingstoke Canal all enter the Thames together. The lock is just opposite the town, and the first

t, and yelled back. The lock-keeper rushed out with a drag, under the impression tha

el in his hand. It was round and flat at one end

said Harris-"

ing in his eyes; "they are all the rage this season;

d the banjo!" cried Har

ut it's very easy, they tell me;