The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as Tommy Upmore""

as much of school as I desired, I heartily hoped, that her opinion would prevail; but father was as obstinate as ever, and after the usual argument-in which she had t

ht ointment for Neo-sophist?. And he said that my father must have been familiar with the passage he referred to, and had thus discomfited all the Pansophist?, better than any modern Deipnosophist could have done. But my father said no; he had never ev

any rate could have shown a good turn-up, but for having broken his best fighting-tooth, on the spiked collar of the last mastiff he had slain. Through this disability on the part of old Fangs, he found his son Grip too many for him; yet could not be brought to confess it, and abstain from a battle, at every opportunity. These encounters in no wise disturbed Mr. Chumps, but became inconvenient to Mrs. Chumps, when she heard the piano (which h

. And before they could try any other form of murder, his master came home, and made short work with them, knowing the superiority of the dog. Now, that same evening, the day being Monday, the very choice club, to which he, and my father, and Mr. John Windsor belonged, a

led, by the nature of some of the smells he had gone through, to be at his best, as he generally was, after not less than two glasses and a half. And he told the adventure, of the four professors, not as a sad and deplorable thing, but r

e my follet oils. I up with the wooden spoon, and offered them a drop; but that was not their meaning. It was som'at about som'at we gives off, according to them philanderers. And I says-'Government inquiry, gents?' And they says-'No, sir; but for purposes of science.' 'Tell me,' says I, 'what the constitootion is of this here clot,' and they said '

e, I'll boil them down, and make 'Science-sauce for the million,' How would you

histledown, as my Jack calls him, to go to old Rum's an

neas of anybody's money, for he comes of the best blood in England. Downright House of Lords bull-dog he is; same as should be chained to the pillars of the State, to keep them Glads, and

ng how generously all men talk, and that Mr

ill Blewitt, and Sandy Mewliver, and all this honourable company. And so do you, Bubbly Upmore, if you are the man I have taken you for. Gentlemen, it is because Mr. Upmore has told the best story I have sat and listened to, ever since last election day; he digged a pit for his enemies in the gate, and they fell into it themselves; as well as because my son, Bill Chumps, who will make his mark, mi

at all the other gentlemen had time to see it, before they began talking, as the subject compelled them to do, of the merits of their chi

of the club) had hurried him into a disregard of money, which his friends should never lose a moment to improve. But when the jour

to pay as good a crown-piece as was ever coined, for a one-eyed, nick-eared, hare-lipped, broken-tailed son of a [f

ndest view of me, when I was out of sight. And coming round the corner, to peep in at the window, just to see whether they had settled my concerns, there I saw this poor dog-hideous they might call him-doubtfully glancing in every direction, dimly aware that the world was against him, scenting the death of a dog in the air. One of his eyes was out of sight, and one of his ears was in

p from him, a month or two ago; so he looked down over the back of the cart, and whistled-"Pop goes the We

fire like a church. But mind you, it ain't no good to shoot at his head, with nothing no smaller than a docky

t up his gun again, I was lying upon Grip, and hugging him. The unfortunate dog, for his last resour

but I would not budge, and Grip put his quivering tongue out, a

ar; "very well, Tommy, if you like the brute you shall have him, and I hope he will be grateful to you. Gristles, here's half-a-crown for you, and you need not tell your master what I said-only that I seemed a little dis

im with deep respect, could never forgive his own narrow escape, any more than forget my timely aid; for his memory was as tenacious as his teeth. On me the dog fastened his strong heart at once,

with the other one, yet working enough, on its own account, to redouble his power of expression; while his tail (being oiled and done up with bell-wire) returned to its natural tendency; and as for his ear of a gingery yellow, the colour was so r

ip, with some surprise, he fired a strong volley of quotations at him; but the dog moved never a tail-point for them, and instead of bei

ed for Mercury, his page, and bade him remember the glorious day whereon he slew the monster Argus. Bob Jackson, failing to recall that date,

condescending tone, while approaching sideways gingerly; "if he is a

avour to make escape. "Fetch me the big cane, labelled No. 1," the Doctor shouted valiantly, "the father of all canes, the rhopa

e world, because no blow can hurt him. Leave him to me, sir; I understand him, and he knows me well enough, though he never took to

ho would now discharge this duty, for the public weal. "Why should I hit him?" said boy after boy, who said las

d sounding smack, on a part of my body that was covered with material warranted to wear, and having three stout seams with a piece to let out. Before the echo of the Five's cour

me that, provoked by the wanton assaults of science upon the sweet retirement of the Muses, I have promised him the tub, and the collar, and the bowl, of the deceased, and perhaps now constellated animal, Heracles Poikilostiktos. Mercury, brush thy pulverulent petasus, and with the aid

) looked vainly for chance of escape from work. Then, with as much of a sigh as childhood yet has learned from na