Torchy

ell 'em they'd got to find a new office boy. That ain't the kind of shredded thought I'm feedin' on. I fit into a lot of places besides t

d up with toothache in his knee joints they've been chasin' me up to the Fift'-ave. ranch, with mai

know the sort of pippins they pick out to hang up by a string in the fruit store window? Well, that was her style. Big? She'd fit close in a Morris chair! And she didn't look more'n e

e as she comes in.

t. Not that I'm any afraid of girls; but I wa'n't feelin' so much to home there as I do

I squints up at her I sees the reg

I. "I ain't

chy then, isn'

ays I. That's what I got to expect with hair like mine

obert's been telling her about me.

okin' her over car

as thinkin' of him when I said that Marjorie was up to specifications. She seems

t try to carry any dog; but just blazes ahead and spiels out the talk. I get next to the fact that she's just home from one of them swell boardin' schools, where they pump French and music into young lady p

a couple of days after, on a Wednesday, and we'd got real well acquainted, when Marjor

ere's Robert? What was

. "And, anyway, I ai

hough," says she. "

just made a run of ten or twelve and wa

what that me

s that maybe he's playin

says she,

as got clean by him. She wants to go the worst way, too. Mother wasn't handy, Aunty May had the icebag o

t see why you couldn't take

got 'em trained down to the office so they'll stand for a lot; but me

fix that part of it," and of

ised. But, say, Marjorie must have a pull accordin' to her weight; for inside of four minutes she com

that you won't be back, and then you're to see that I get to the theat

could hear was a gasp, like he'd been butted just above the belt, and then he

imes when I feel real chesty and can hear my feet make a noise when I walk; but this wa'n't one of 'em. And when it came to paradin' down the middle row after the usher, with Marjorie puffin' behind, I felt

lid up in front of her, and opened the choc'late creams, "I've been in such a dream I didn

is is Shakespeare's

Stung again! Who unload

ers runnin' right on Broadway! Said she'd seen the same thing half a dozen times before, too. Aw, say! I couldn't get next

l over," says I, and set

at houses, or mill explosions, or any real thrillers like that; but there's somethin' doin' in his pieces. There was in this one, anyway

hink of her?"

er as bad as he says he does, I hope it won't be a case of 'My pa won't let me.' But, say, what for did they kill off the o

'd come for. When they got to that she grips the seat in front and glues her eyes on them two that was swappin' t

ted had swallowed knockout drops, Marjorie gives me

" says she. "I ju

at?" s

ever since our class gave it at school. They wouldn't g

joshin',

idn't say any more about it, and all the w

one afternoon as I was goin' through Tinpan Alley on an err

ownstones, where they sell wigs in the basement, costumes on the first floor, have a theatrical agency on the second, and gi

n't suppose Marjorie's

n't feel right about stayin' out, so the first thing I knows I'm trailin' up the stairs. There wa'n't any need to do the sleuth act after Marjorie got started. Anyone on the floor could have heard it; for she was

t, that last speech! What fire, what expression, what talent! Why, young woman, all you need is a Broadway production to swe

t? Wouldn't that make a short ice cr

s was one of that kind. It was one of these husky baritones, like what does the coonsongs for the punky records they put into the music boxes at the penny arcades. Tha

ce. Talk about your self-acting press agents! He had the bunch shoved to the curb. All he had to bank on was a ten-minute turn at a 14th-st. cont

ock in one of Daly's road comp'nies, and how he had to quit because John Drew was jealous of him. Then he'd leav

ways sleeps with one arm crooked around the bedpost, havin' the nerve to call himself a school of dramatic

the skylight I sees the pleased look on her face, like she was havin' a view of her lithographs on all the gold frames in the subway. I waits until McCall

heavyweight Juliet championship?" says

he color of an auction flag, and she jounces down on the se

"Where did you come fro

says I. "I'm on, Miss Ellins. I wa'n't i

outside?"

uh,"

ou hear how lovely the profess

a Marlowe sewed in a sa

n't tell anyo

n draw a diagram of the riot there'll be

skate because they're afraid I'll break through. The boys won't dance with me, and the girls shut me out of basketball. But Professor McCallum has been perfectly dear. He said right away that I wasn't a bit too stout to

t or the boss with any tales about Miss Marjorie. That ain't what I'm on the payroll for. Bu

know all about him when I was in the newspaper business; so this is a straight steer. He's just tollin' you along because he's had a dream that if he gets you real stuck on yourself you'll come ac

nt and heave up any thanks about my bein' her true friend? Not her! She calls me impid'nt an

back; but if you'll follow me upstairs again for a minute, and wait outside in the ha

didn't want me ever to speak to

up to engage seats for that Juliet stab o

ell Brother Robert; so back we goes up to the acting school on the top floor. I left her

's standin' up. A neck that takes a No. 18 turn-down collar goes with that. He has his hands in his pockets, an Egyptian joss-st

name on the sign; so I takes the foot

son," says he,

he Curtiss record. He was soarin', soarin,' a

ffice lately," says I, lettin'

that if he wants an important piece of news he'd better come and see

ssor," says I. "What's it like? You ain't

umbs in his vest pockets and comin' up on his

sn't her I saw drivin' off in the private

" says he, "th

kiddin'! Honest, professor, do

xuries as the cultivation of a dramatic talent that doesn't exist, size doesn't count. I've coached a Hamlet with lop ears and a pug nose, a Lady of Lyons that had a f

at that, and I suspecte

act any

one hundred and thirty-pound Romeo trying to hug his way around a two hundred and fifty-

er'n ever, she was diggin' somethin' out of her handbag, somethin' shiny. It wa'n't anything but a silver purse; but the professor must have thought it was somethin' else, for he gives only one look. Then he throws up both hands, hollers "

for what I owe you, you horrid old fraud! Baby elephant, am I? Oh,

m the desk, and even when we worked him loose he didn't want to come out. When

ow many times

ants to know why I didn't let 'em know I was go

' restless! Maybe you think I ough