Tangled

when that one perfect moment finally arrives, you pray the reality will come close to the fantasy you've built up in your mind. And t

ectly fitted Armani tuxedo, standing at the altar

Waiting in the back, a stunning vision in white,

this isn't just any wedding. This is a landmark event. Revolutionary. Because for

to the library-it wasn't

e changed me. I think we can all agree I was pretty

misunderstandings worthy of a Greek f**king tragedy. But we made it through those times wit

nts last weekend could have been a problem

inking: What the hell

l you hear the whole story. Just remember: even though the noblest intentio

ay. The place has changed since you saw it last. Take a look around. Sterilized sippy cups lie in wait on a countertop; a

red images are of a dark-haired two-year-old,

ow circles. I think the missionary position has gotten a bad rap. It's not boring. It allows the guy to take control-s

Kate is doi

cking with my tongue. Kate arches her back. Her chin rises and her mouth opens,

s cooch is just as snug and feels just as amazing a

en I know she can't take it anymore, I cover her mouth with mine, muffling her blissful cry.

you

re a minute an

r first commandment: Don

hat in case y

E THE FUC

. .

rticularly when they're asleep. If they're disturbed mid-sleep-cycle, however? They're monsters

ey don't care what you were doing before they needed you, or-more important-whom you were trying to do. They only care ab

n darling little cockblocker? I'm gonna tell you how it really is-n

l infants do is sleep. I think the numbers are like twenty-three out of a twenty-fo

ends you home. And that's when the baby decides that it's sl

bels higher than a train whistle? I shit yo

g with James. Maybe he had a gastrointestinal di

t didn't f**

was all too eager to let us know it. In the morning. In

he was awake? Yep-he was bawling. And I'm not talking about lip-quivering whimpers, ei

drome? I totall

nuclear on his ass, but

d. I figured she'd done this twice before, she'd know

. she

awking newborn on her shoulder. Then she'd tell us it was normal. That all bab

the Menendez brothers or Jim Gordon. But in those dark days when sleep-and blow jobs-