Tales of St. Austin's

dropped Charteris within a hun

ce at all, but you may have it for what it is worth. I recomme

reformed character from this day onwards. This sort of thing isn't good enough. Hullo, there's the bell

s always a privilege to be in your company

me. I must get leave

It is Graham, isn't it? The fe

in a sling, but it's almost well agai

Come to tea

Charteris; 'th

and went up to his study. The Ba

the Babe, 'her

of him,' sa

id it

t, pl

win?' ask

a yard. Oh, Lo

t r

rint all the way to the station, and missed

did you

one about a quarter of a mile, Adamson caught me up in his dog-cart. I suggested that it would be

what ha

'There's little to relate. I saw an aged, aged man

ginning. D

o sent me to school at an early age in order that I might acqu

lose?' enqu

If he hadn't, I should

s who I met

a b

ugh. The Bargee man who

crocke

ed the Babe. 'Did

a very pleasan

ts you,' beg

's t

p. Tony Graham had

son told me to rem

've got

nfirmed the

be?' said Tony. 'Who's going to be

fly explained

ow, and then we shall have both our halves away against Dacre's. Ch

t get kept in on a Thursday anyhow. I should be shoved into extra on Saturday. Also, I s

w that that can't

left last time he tried to compass my downfall, that I should

o,' said the

rked Charteris encouragingl

I shall do it. I shall be frightfully fit tomorrow after all this dashing about today. I haven't an ounce of superfluous flesh

ess of the House-team in the final was very near to his heart. He could not understand

line is our one strong point, I'm not likely to keep the ball from

the last fixture of the season, and there was a certain feeling in the teams that if they did happen to disable a man or two, it would not matter much. The injured sportsman would not be

ose the latter, and Dacre's felt slightly aggrieved. Some of the less sportsmanlike members of the House had proposed that a protest should be made against his being allowed to play, but, fortunately for the credit of Dacre's, Prescott, the captain of the House Fifteen, had put his foot down with an emphatic b

when Swift, Merevale's only First Fifteen forward, kicked off up the hill, a large cr

erevale's extraordinarily strong three-quarter line somewhat made up for an

doubly so now. The ground was dry, and so was the ball, and the game consequently waxed fast. Time after time the ball went along Dacre's three-quarter line, only to end by finding itself hurled, with the wing who was carrying it, into touch. Occasionally the centres, instead of feeding their wings, would

ent up to

risky, but I think we'll try

wenty-five?'

ill come off all right. Anyway,

who was marking him, and ran. Heeling and passing in one's own twenty-five is like smoking-an excellent practice if indulged in in moderation. On this occasion it answered perfectly. Charteris ran to the half-way line, and handed the ball on to the Babe. The Babe was tackled from behind, and passed to Thomson. Thomson dodged his man, and passed to Welch on the wing. Welch was the fastest sprinter in the School. It was a pleasure-if you did not ha

who got in from half-way, dodging through the whole team. The last ten minutes of the game was marked by a slight excess of energy on both sides. Dacre's forwards were in a decidedly bad temper, and fought like tigers to break through, and Merevale's played up to them with spirit. The B

d there was a large bruise on his left cheek-bone. He and Babe were going t

and what was the r

d the Babe. 'Two goa

rt your chee

s,

d you d

sir, in one o

he it well. I hope it will not be very

alke

nt into the House, 'the Old Man isn't such a bad s

said th

you know,' continued C

be. 'You can have the bath fir

ile he was sitting in a deck-chair eating mixed biscuits, and wondering if he would ever be able t

is. 'What is it? Don't

Crowinshaw, his fag, made its

ll you that he wanted t

soon as y

shouted Chart

to see me for? Perhaps he wants to make certain that I've

sedate Parker, the Head's butler, who always filled Charteris with a desire to di

Charteris came in. He laid down his book, and motione

nt communication. Most unpleasant. From whom it comes I do not k

guessed what was coming. He, too, was so

e athletic sports at Rutton yesterday. I have called you in to tell me

e, sir,' said Ch

Head sharply. 'Yo

s,

were breaking the School rules by going there

There was an

' began the Head. 'I c

en vigorously, and a young lady entered. It was, as Charteris recognized in

, 'have you seen

e off as her eye

, affably, not to be ou

catch you

Misse

the matter wi

a kick

oes it

uch, t

perhaps a little out

I am busy. And how, may I ask, do yo

im,' said Do

looked

e chap,

words. Long study of the classics had quickened his faculty for seeing

y, that it was Charteris who ca

odded ene

she went on, regardless of the Head's look of horro

r out an extract from an account in The Sportsman of a match at the National Sporting Club, and

scorn, it wanting a clear two hours to her legal bedtime. 'I must speak to your mothe

y unabashed, D

minutes after she had gone; th

, I shall-er-mitigate slightly the p

rmured his g

ffence. I have my duty to consider. You will therefore writ

s,

h,' said the rele

s,

eak School rules simply as a matter of principle, for that, I fancy, is what it amounts to, I-er-well, I think we should

night,

ge hand. Charteris took

his book again, and

moment, walking slow

ng for the future to do

d

9

YNE BU

knee. To him came Charles Augustus Walkinshaw with a scheme. Walkinshaw was football secretary, and in Grey's absence acted

ow's the knee?'

eam getting

u'd only hurry up and come back. We beat a jolly hot lot of All Comers yesterday. Smith was

'Who did anything f

ce. Payne go

t sort of a game is h

Walkinshaw to unburden

eeded t

n idea. It's my opinion Payne's not bucking up nearly as much

The idea was

he'll be the next chap to get his

it. Now, my idea is that if you slung him out for a match or two, he'd buck

er. Walkinshaw presse

chap off awfully to be left out, but I don't see how it can hurt a ma

l, I'll tell you what you can do if you like. Get up a scratch g

alkinshaw, and

mary methods. He had put his hand on the one really first-class forward St Austin's possessed, and proposed to remove him from the team. And yet through it all he was perfectly well-meaning. The fact that personally he rather disliked Payne had, to do him justice, no weight at all with him. He would have done the same by his bosom f

h much emphasis. This was a sign that he was feeling dissatisfied with the way in which affairs were conducted in the world. Bowden, who was asleep i

o!' h

oing well with him. He attempted to soothe him with conver

on Saturday

ame. First

n gro

rove the First's combination. It may be fun for the First, but it's not nearly so rollicking for us. Look here, Payne, if you find

with, it would be against rules.

the First.' This was the only e

ing for t

re you c

They're playing Bab

Babington'

or something. At any rate, Walkinshaw told me

Bowden. 'What are

take his advic

after a poor start, suddenly awoke to the fact that this was not going to be the conventional massacre by any means. The First had scored an unconverted try five minutes after the kick-off, and it was after this that the Second began to get together. The school back bungled the drop out badly, and had to find touch in his own twenty-five, and after that it was anyone's game. The scrums were a treat to behold. Payne was a monument o

ep. If there were two things in the world that he loathed, they were leeches and hot fomentations, and the School doctor apparently regarded them as a panacea for every kind of bodily ailment, from a fractured skull to a cold in the head. It was this gentleman who had just spoken, but Grey's alarm vanished as he perceived that the words

in that be

. 'Didn't know you were awake.

rrett? What's

that corner. He has bust his ankle. Oh, yes, we've been ha

t! How did

ay

n your co

I meant, though. What I

n the middle of the fi

ell on me. That was eno

t gras

bout R

his ankle was crocked. Mainspring gone, probably. Then they gathered u

a large bruise over one eye, his arm was in a sli

he observed to Grey. 'I knew

now,' sai

're talking abo

the game he played today. He was eve

aid Barret

lkinshaw, bubbling over with enthusiasm. 'Do yo

as the

One t

rett. The great scheme for the regeneration of Pay

n we'll have him simply fizzing for the Windybury match. That's next Saturday. By t

r after next. This year I'm afraid I shall not have the pleasure. And I should strongly advise you, if you

know,' said

r, and deposited in the bed which lay between Grey and Barrett. Close scrutiny revealed the

ired Grey in

dmitted the

match, and I'm going to make Payne captain, as the senior Second Fifteen man. And if we win I'm jolly well going to give him his cap after the match. If we don

try to nil. Payne, as was only right and proper, scored the try, making his way through the ranks of the visiting team with the quiet persistence of a steam-roller. After the

ooter,' he obs

e added dreamily. 'Leeches and hot fomentations. Boilin

ed Payne,

1

TH

ads, and had put before him the choice between pleasure and duty, or, rather, between pleasure and what those in authority called duty. Being human, he would have had litt

stain upon his character. As soon as he had warmed to his work he would be followed by a third player, and so on until the standing room around the desk was completely filled with a great cloud of witnesses. The duration of the game varied, of course, considerably. On some occasions it could be played through with such success, that the master would enter into the spirit of the thing, and do his best to book the names of all offenders at one and the same time, a feat of no inconsiderable difficulty. At other times matters would come to a head more rapidly. In any case, much innocent fun was to be derived from it, and its popularity was great. On the day, however, on which this story opens, a new master had been tempo

oughtfully for a mom

said pleasantly to Babington, 'you la

he signal for the rest of the class to leave their places and assist him, but now they seemed to r

eymour, when the board

e? Eh, what? I di

ngton

ndred to three-twenty in "Hall and Knight". There is really plenty of room

hattering blow. Then there was the imposition. This in itself would have troubled him little. To be kept in on a half-holiday is

ter it appeared that by a complicated process of knowing people who knew other people who had influence with the management, he had contrived to obtain two tickets for a morning performance of the new piece that

matter could possibly be carried through, it should be. His choice was obvious. He could cut his engagement with Mr Seymour, or he could keep it. The d

dilemma. He s

,' said his bosom

vise you to,' r

end, and in the matter of wisdo

n, do you think?'

aid one a

uble impot,'

e tempter in a stage aside, 'calls

ought Babington.

ns. 'You're bound to be caught.' But the Ayes had it.

would accept the imposition without any questions. He had taken the precaution to get the examples finished overnight, with the help of Peterson and Jenkins, aided by a weird being who actually appeared to like algebra, and turned out ten of the twenty problems in an incredibly short time in exchange for a couple of

o stream out. But truth, though it crush me. The one-thirty was so punctual that one might have thought that it belonged to a line other than the line to which it did belong. From Victoria to Charing Cross is a journey that occupies no conside

. The statement was tested, and is now universally accepted as correct. To apply the general to the particular, the play came

bing somewhere?' asked Babington's

e actions he considered that of going and grubbing somewhere the most desirable. 'Fellow I know at

had been a dreary blank, but that now he could begin to enjoy himself again. 'I should like to join you, if you don't mind including a

ve just b

probably like to me

he programme that the play was by Walter Walsh was a fraud. Nay worse, a downright and culpable lie. He started with the vague idea of making a rush for safety, but before his paralysed limbs could be induced to work, Mr

tries apparently without their noticing him. Then, just as he stepped into the open air, the chief inquisitor tapped him gently on the shoulder, and, more in sorrow than in anger, reminded him that it was customary for condemned men to remain inside their cells. Surely this was a similar case. But then the thought came to him that Mr Seymour had only seen him once, and so might possibly have failed to remember him, for there was nothing special abou

abington. 'That is, I

have. What sch

l began to writ

, what school? Why, er

ce assumed a pl

, I know several Upping

er at Uppingham, and a

Babington's eyes, but he clutched at

Uppingham? Of course,

mixing the two up, y

listened to the wild fictions which issued from his lips in equal amazement. He thought he must be ill. Even Richards had a fleeting impression that it was a litt

t you? I mean, you don't seem to know what you're talking about.

ugby?' aske

got from Rugby to London in time for a morn

ght,' he said, 'he's not ill. We have met before, but under such painful circumstances

d occurred. The audience, exclusive

te, will you? It's really such shocking luck, yo

refully before replying. Babington watched him in silence, and wis

as only a stop-gap, and my term of office ceased today at one o'clock. Thus the prisoner at the bar gets off on a

I sat up

rm, or another day you'll come to a bad end. By t

good part just at the end of

ed. Possibly fr

go off?' asked P

ap,' said Babi

,' said Jenkin

rew the remark, and commented on the wholly un

1

ABBY T

re and flabby from long want of exercise, while the cat was in excellent training, and was, moreover, backed up by a strong temptation. It pocketed the stakes, which consisted of most of the contents of a tin of sa

ing a sort of preliminary

d Montgom

ng the empty tin. 'Doesn't seem to h

e little ditto,' observed Montgomery, who was apt at an analogy. 'You ma

He had been bidden to the feast

ea ready?

nner as the conjurer shows a pack of cards when he

already, surely? Why

hat's just the difficulty. The question

lways liked to introduce a Holmes-Watsonian touch into the convers

it was. Then

e cat, equally of course. I should

it must h

is strong enough to hang it off its own bat, we have absolute proof of

nspection. In the very centre

the butter,' said Montgomery. 'Now,

d up till now what depredation it had committed had been confined to the official larder. Now, however, it had evidently got its hand in, and was about to commence operations upon a more extensive scale. The Tabby Terror had begun. Where would it end? The general opinion was that somet

tilities. From that moment its paw was against every man, and the tale of the things it stole is too terrible to relate in detail. It scored all along the line. Like Death in the poem, it knocked at the doors of the highest and the lowest alike. Or rather, it did not exactly knock. It came in withou

g much, only (rather a nuisance) might do him out of the House-matches', a notification of mortal injuries, and seeming to hear a death-rattle through the words 'felt rather chippy yesterday', had come down en masse to investigate. En masse, that

ster was his

ed her on the subject of his health,

e would be delighted,

,' hissed Trentham,

u hurt, wasn't it? Not-not you

y can't you? It's a perfe

ak? And why shoul

g everyone a kindness if you would take him on. He'll get lynched some day if you don't. Besides, you want a cat for your new house, surely. Keep down the mice, and that sort of thing, you know. This animal's a demon for mice.' This was a telling argume

ected his sister, 'he can

ust squashes them, you

nough beast as

he steal

to him. He won't try that sort of thing on with you. If he does, get somebody to hit him over the head with a boot-jac

Prater let me

warm, you know. Only cat you eve

ell. I'

, you might just look in her

usual, if there is a cat in the house, to have feline society. Captain Kettle, which was the name thought suitable to this cat by his godfathers and godmothers, was on hand early. As he stood there pawing the mat impatiently, and mewing in a

ely cat!' said

ed Mrs Prater. 'We ar

beautifu

h a swee

telligent. Has

everything except speak. Captain Kettle, you bad b

ashed back again to the saucer. He had an important appointment. Sorry to appear rud

hen his sister looked in

at I ever saw. I shall never

it?' asked the pr

't. We couldn't bargain

Mrs Prater before

look here, if anything turns up to make the beak want to

on as before. Mrs Williamson departed, thinkin

ccasion, when he attempted to extract some milk from the very centre of a

urch, and his eye, roaming restlessly about in search of evil to perform, had lighted upon a cage. In that cage was a special sort of canary, in its own line as accomplished an artiste as Captain Kettle himself. It sang with taste and feeling, and made itself generally agreeable in a number of little ways. But to Captain Kettle it was merely a bird. One of the poets sings of an acquaintance of his who w

o get rid of him

so,' said

sir,' said Trentham, 'my sister would be awfully glad to take

. 'I was afraid we should have

keep him after all?'

waited in

So Captain Kettle went, and the House knew hi

1

PRIZ

l prize for the best poem submitted by a member of the Sixth Form of St Austin's College, on a subject to be selected by the Headmaster. And, he added-one seems to hear him chuckling to himself-every member of the form must compete. Then he died. But the evil that men do lives after them, and each year saw a fresh

after a period of twenty-

was in the infirmary, convalescing after an attack of German measl

azing enviously round the sick-room,

Take a seat. Anything

se you know we beat th

heard. Anyt

ith, without enthusia

er. His great ambition was to see some of his lines in print, and he had contracted the habit of sending them up to various periodicals, with no resu

ubject this y

-of all idio

bject for an ode. By Jove,

the infirmary

s struck wi

like I'll do you a poem, and you ca

,' Smith put in eagerly. 'R

'll have to tell the Old Man all about it. He'll probably curs

reared up 'midst

many a battle

at football; w

has kissed 'er

ould make cricket rhyme with wicket.' Smith sat entranced with his

must be off now. We'v

ully about

words 'boys' and 'joys' at the end of separate lines. This led him to select a third piece of paper, on which he produced a sort of edition de luxe in his best handwriting, with the title 'Ode to the College' in printed letters at the top. He was admiring the neat effect of this when the door opened suddenly and violently, and Mrs Lee, a lady of advanced years and energetic habits, whose duty it was to minister to the needs of the sick and wo

a is better. Besides, he argued within himself, he remembered all he had written, and could easily

omery, like Smith, was no expert in poetry. He had spent a wretched afternoon trying to hammer out something that would pass muster in the poem competition, but without the least success. There were four lines on the paper. Two more, and it would be

eet it is fo

ze on

. 'I don't know whether "me" shouldn't be "I", but they'll have to lump it. It's a poem, anyho

door roused him. Hastily seizing a lexicon, he assumed the attitude of the seeker after knowledge, and said, 'Come in.' I

r you told me to hunt up some t

r with a judicial air.

eared up 'midst

many a battle

at football; w

n has kissed '

u'll find some apples in that box. Better take a few. But look here,' with

ring on a reply. Then he blushed, as much as a m

y. You see, you only told me to g

get hold of thi

e field between the Pavi

t thing. Thanks. Shut the door, will you?' Whereupon Evans retired, the richer b

o Reynolds, pouring out a cup of tea f

please. No

it be ready, do you think?

htfully sorry, but I g

rea

f it done?'

ou aren't keen on getting the prize. Why not send in

the Old 'Un'

ing in the rules about lengt

'll be all right? So

Un, was sitting at breakfast, stirring his coffee, with a look of marked perplexity upon his dignified fac

Finally, he gave vent to a long-drawn 'Um-m-m,' in a deep bass. 'Most extraordinar

ntly. She had been sketching out in her mind a little di

' she

y extraordinary communi

, v

is it

); dear-ahem-Jimmy. The poems to hand. I have read them, and am writing this from my sick-bed. The doctor tells me I may pull through even yet. There was only one any good at all, that was Rogers's, which, though-er-squiffy (tut!) in parts, was a long way better than any of the others. But the most taking part of the whole programme was afforded by the three comedians, whose e

ow extrao

er-collusion, but really here there

my dear,' snapped Reverend Jimmy. He did not wish to recall t

generally began a painful interview with this question. The method had distinct advantages. If the criminal were of a nervous disposition, he would give

ut you can supply. How comes it that each of your compositions for the Poetry Prize commences

em. Now,'-after the inspection was over-' what explan

-wrote t

Smith. Are you the a

, s

od. Are you,

, s

n exceedingly badly treated. The first-fruit of your brain has been-ah-pluc

t,

, Mor

write th

Morrison. You say that you are ind

s,

Sm

, s

ontgo

, s

may I ask to whom

claimed the discovery himself, because he thought that

ntgomery. Mr Perceval looked

n a piece of paper in the field?' There wa

, s

cumstance were you in

ds to do them

the infirmary that I found the

' said Morrison

hat to gain the prize you resorted

etting the prize. If I had got it, I should have tol

had you in pursuin

n something, and I can't write poetry at all,

d a quiet sense of humour. The situation penetrated to it. Then he remembered the examiner's letter,

he said, and t

eloquent speech from the Headmaster, to alter the rules for the Sixth Form Poetry Prize, so th

1

O

asure that

re to o

g feeling that our

osophers

roubles

e are many and of tro

ulminatin

reasure be

feeling that our d

. Gi

provided by two hours' extra tuition on a hot afternoon. In this, I think, they err, and my opinion is backed up by numerous scholars of my acquaintance, who have even gone so far-on occasions when they themselves have been the victims-as to express positive disapproval of the existing state o

e may be), believe me when I say that your whole system of work is founded on a fallacious dream and reeks of rottenness. No, no, I beg that you will not interrupt me. The real state of the case, if I may say so, is briefly this: a boy goes to school to enjoy himself, and, on arriving, finds to his consternation that a great deal more work is expected of him than he is prepared to do. What course, then, Reverend Jones or Brown, does he take? He proceeds to do as much work as wil

my opinions like so much boiling oil into the ear of my task-master, I was content to play t

ly to become like J. Essop of the First Eleven, who can hit a ball over two ponds, a wood, and seven villages, rather than to resemble that

es the scholar gain, either morally or physically, or in any other way, by knowing who was tribune of the people in 284 BC or what is the precise difference between the various constructions o

c. In the worst stages of the disease he will edit Greek plays and say that Merry quite misses the fun of the passage, or that Jebb is mediocre. Think, I beg of you, paterfamilias, and you,

sk them what a Yorker is, and they will say: 'A man from York, though I presume you mean a Yorkshireman.' They will read Herodotus without a dictionary for pleasure, but ask them to translate the c

, I shall gather my great-great-grandsons round my knee, and tell them-as one tells tales of Faery-that I can remember the time when Work was considered the be-all and the end-all of a school career. Perchance, when my great-great-grandson John (called John after the famous Jones of that name) has brought home the prize for English Essa

ke Work anything but an unmitigated nuisance is the prospect of a 'Varsity scholarship, an

n go to the length of rising at five o'clock o' mornings to drink yet deeper of the cup of knowledge. I have done

ating in these joys, what inducement is there to work? Is such a one to leave t