WHEN LOVE BIND

anuary 1

e first day back to scho

n fact, that I had thrown up no l

ety the culprit for my erratic heartbeat, not to m

I stared at my reflection in the bathr

d tie. Grey skirt that stopped at the knee, revealing two scrawny, underdeveloped

n implant. I fe

ht me brought me up to the five feet two mark.

ried eggs for breasts, clearly untouched by the p

ace with a plain red hairband. My face was free of makeup, making me look every bit as youn

k any more human, and made a conscious effort to t

o

e me look disabled – a

ouched my cheeks with my finger

rtments, I liked to think I made up for in

that I was born with an

rue to a

be fazed by boys or fa

age, not with age. If that's the case, I was

e opposite sex. I didn't have an interest in anyone; boys, girls, famous actors, hot models, clowns, puppies...

watching the shitstorm that was my parents' relationship unravel had put me off the prospect of teaming up wit

rather b

to the point of no return, I stared at my reflection in the mirror an

ld myself. This is

face, desperate to cool the heated anxiety burning inside of my bo

ing behind. The thought entered my mind and I flinc

bullying in both prima

been the target of every child's fru

that they didn't like me and I wasn't to be associated with. And th

ith the other children on our street and never had a

Sc

for me, all nine – instead of the regular

d me back so I could repeat Juniors with a new class. Even though I was just as miserable in my new clas

ool in our final year of primary, I had rea

ol, with massive funding and top of the range facilities – coming from the brown envelopes of wealthy

at the local, overcrowded, publ

rrifying feeling of being

even begged Mam to send me to Beara to live with her siste

feeling that had overtaken me when my father

and didn't put up a fight when Dad insist

t got worse.

vio

phy

ed by several groups of boys all demanding thi

e I wouldn't get off with the very boys th

esting that the reason I was such a frigit

boys were, the girls w

much

sting that I was anorexic and threw my lun

c – or bulimic,

as a frequent event, it was a direct response to the unbearable weight of the stress I was under. I was

our local GP. Several blood tests and exams later, and our family doctor had assured both my mot

one irregular cycle in the summer that had lasted le

on my body working like a nor

angement, suggesting that the stress I was under at school could b

re Mam had pled my case, I was sent back to scho