To Our Pinky Promises

think we were actually going to be able

soccer team but I was a pretty lousy runner. He could've probably outran them

deadweight and he basically carr

ex pulled me along for a few more minutes to make sur

ed up on his knees as he tried to catch his breath while I staggered forward to lean on the alley wall, loo

't calm down soon, I'll black out in the middle of this alley. I gaspe

oked at me, noticing that s

e asked as he ke

ack that was about to hit me wouldn't allow that. I nodded my he

taught me and focused on fighting to subdue the attac

xhaled, picturing how it expands and contracts. I felt my chest rise and fall and focused on the rhythm. It took me some time to calm down, but when the black spots h

atch me, his body falling with mi

ardly to respect our respective personal spaces. He stayed crouching,

ind my hair that acted as a curtain. After gathering my courage, I f

ate gesture right then so I gulped and opened my mouth to say something b

, twisting his body around to lo

enough.' He said out of

t. A simple thank you would suffice, don't waste your breath saying

he was throwing at me for my sassy beha

this was the most Alex ha

t he was still here and showing me kindness when

trailed off awkwardly, looking aro

just as he was about to

softly, unsure that h

he

me again and paused, befor

e ground in front of me, hugging my knees together

ight another panic attack and I didn't want

rid of those thoughts before I

brush off my back, conscious of

your shit t

borhood. There were no people walking down the streets and there was only one or two cars passing by occasionally. Most people would t

x and I ran came from to find my way

,' he said, a

rprise by his sudden appearance. Alex raised his hands in surrender as he stepped back to

guys jog towards Alex who was visibly ca

the ground as I watched

s, w

is arm back before throwing a punch at A

tartled gasp that forced itself out of my

trophy Alex had shown me 4 years ago, I thought tha

or at least run, the boy in question didn't move an inch. My fear spiked

cience screeched in panic as

was facing his back so I couldn't see the look on his face or tel

rk again to bring me closer to the group of guys. I

they say it's never too late to make up f

meroom teacher in front of the entire class 4 years ago. I've beaten myself up f

g wedged in the middle of

while taking my phone out of my bag and waving

d, my panic seep

side to see who was screaming a

yelled as I go

courage to actually move closer towards them but I d

sure you face jail time. I will make sure to bring up any charges I can to put you behi

en I was quacking inside. All I could think a

s who were looking at e

lly spoke up on behalf of the group

and I swear I broke into a co

ing see you anymore.' Ty grit

y sane mind when I started glari

s not a good time. We were outnumbered and my bluff was actually working. I didn't w

ople will go, mate. The w

r with unnecessary extra force

one hand on his arm and the other o

re they don't change their minds and turn around to beat us up. When t

had a light bruise forming on the side of his lips but the pain etched on the look on

arted patting down his pockets, lookin

y watch, fe

to search himself. Panic and desperation laced his vo

u looking for?' I

ig

could think of after getting punche

ever thought that running out of cigs was that big of a deal until I saw Alex break

e cigs. I started to see the familiar sign

ving a pa

ling to his knees and gasping, hitting his chest and claw

hand on his back and another on h

I sucked in a deep breath slowly and exhaled, my chest rising and falling as I breathed. I maintained eye contact the entire time because I've

he fear in his eyes spoke volumes, it was so loud that it shook my core when I look

red times in my therapist's eyes and provide the same comfor

il all traces of the panic attack wa

and waited fo

has ever witnessed his panic attack. Smoking cigs seems to be his alternative

dly; the embarrassment, humiliation, the anger directed at myself. I knew, more or less, what was going to circula

hat he almost fell to the ground a

m but he scuffled backwards as if

h staying put, lettin

ew that people react differently to the emotions

but I tried to not let whatever he

and dismay I felt when he got to his fe

k disappear from sight, wondering what