Wedding Night
engagement ring.
ng. It's a plain band with
me into. If Richard doesn
turn it
eep it on his nightstand
nd never mention it. Actu
but I just felt bad that h
l out of a proposal. They
ne knee, they have to ask
d what do we have
," obv
n of marriage proposals
I open my mouth automati
n hastily close
Richard g
beam. "Just .
ring already. I don't mi
antic if he has. On the o
o choose o
a win
lovingly at Richard. We'r
's a new restaurant on th
te marble and vintage ch
legant but not showy. The p
nderstated bride-to-be whi
-up stockings, just in ca
never worn stay-up stockin
proposed
s booked a roo
a ridiculous, out-ofproportion gesture. Nice lunc
s fiddling with his cuffs
his glass. As he sees me w
S
S
ing in code, skirting arou
my chair. This waiting is
t ove
ver with." Of course I don
It's a beginning. A first s
ether. Because we want t
f anyone else we'd rathe
ove him and
eady. This is hopeless. I'
alized what he
Richard. I mean, in a goo
out of the blue. On my last birthday, he hinted for ages that his present was going to be a su
out he'd secretly arranged with my boss for me to have two days off, and when I finally arrived at Stroud, a car whisked me to the most adorable Cotswold cottage, where he was waiting with a fire burning and a
ta
y weren't exactly subtle indications. They were more
t he set up this date and c
question" he had to ask m
rse). Then he started teasi
ppens, I do like it. I do
I'll be very happy to
more roundabout and this
again, at least I k
cided yet?" Richard look
st for an instant I thought he was bein
k down to hide
be "yes." A big, joyful
this place. Marriage. I m
en together, I've deliberat
ll associated subjects (chi
gether at his place, but I s
we go home to our own fam
ew we were good together
rprise birthday trip, tied w
't shout at me) and his wor
way to Norfolk, with broken
with him. I got him. He
nd deliberate. Sometimes
ome to life so suddenly, y
lf asleep under the tree bu
le, leaping around. We co
tu
sense, obviously. Inhe was The One. But I a
my experience, the word "m
ctions in a relationship,
i
th Jamie, my first long-
years and I just happened
e we were (twenty-six and
e freaked out and said w
at moment we'd been fine.
of hearing the word "mar
at he couldn't even face
tart to form
er, he was with that red-
amus. Seamus, with his sex
wrong with him. We were
ng-else-in-life-matters be
in about twenty-four hours. It was toxic. Too many state-of-the nation summit
year, and when I look back, it's as though that se
t lasted two years too, bu
elationship. I suppose bot
o Blay Pharmaceuticals and
get partnership at his acc
properly-we just dri
and it's the same for both
e even asked me out on a d
someone now and really ha
The guy sitting opposite m
ay
ter-looking than any of m
e's gorgeous.) He works h
t as rich as Julian, but w
s laugh that makes my spir
ever since we went on a
e his temper with peopl
over our relationship, I d
ace, like with Julian. I s
s and smiles. Happy tim
the climax of the montage
es a deep
him. I want this to go be
fell in love with their fath
pos
n. Our home
nd the images, I feel a re
years old and I'm ready.
ject of marriage. My frie
me-scene cordon around th
use if you do, you've jin
cks
o jinx. I can feel the lo
Richard's hands. I want to
erful man. I'm so lucky.
perhaps we'll walk up th
k God we found each oth
ers? Love is so random. So random. It's
ticed my damp eyes. "Hey
t's
re honest with Richard t
ot a good idea to reveal m
says I think in Hollywood
people can't hear
s. "Nothing. I just wish
ight to an assignment in
I'll miss him terribly. In
dding to plan which
I can't bear it." He rea
kype eve
ze his hands back
to remember that, if I'
u're saying. Inc
s eyes gives away the fac
d we Skyped, I started g
, forgetting that Richard
as liable to walk past a
dn
tip." I shrug,
u. So you might not wa
"Maybe just a transparen
mp
my hands more tightly.
. I will never, ever get
to
clears his throat. "I hav
hey're going to explode
ghts are spinning wildly.
... Concentrate, Lottie ...
rong wit
own at it
up stockings" is a liar a
well stayed up. It's col
stic "adhesive" strip flap
de
e rest of my life looking back and thinking, It wa
I cut him off. "Ju
down and yank the stockin
Now I have both flapping
ot believe my marriage pr
uld have gone
looks a little baffled
bl
s'," I mutter. "I'm sorry.
t for a na
you
embarrassment. "I've had
to see. Will
ts his head. I push my c
the looks of other lunchti
it. It's a fl
of the Ladies', wrench o
self in the mirror, my hea
ut my propo
n hold. As though we're in
and I've got all the time
want to
don't need, because
d headband turns to peer
, standing motionless wit
a
r there." She nods
y have the urge to share
end's in the middle
omen at the mirrors
he middle of'?" demands
arrowed. "What's he
tocking catastrophe." I wa
us
ays someone i
there quick," says the r
hance to cha
he blond girl. "Can we
" says her friend. "Has he h
't thi
n old woman with metal-
She's waving her hands
enser. "Why do they inve
th a bar
e," says the redheaded gi
too
nd stocking, and, since I'
e legs. I don't want to loo
about the scaly shins.
t Fliss. I
doing
her reply appe
exting me in the mi
'. Taking
a great couple. Give
! Talk
he blond girl as I put aw
ut of the Ladies', then r
k guy in the corner? He'
a makeup eraser pen. "
nably at her and start to
estnut hair is swept up i
down so it tumbles over
me
I pull some tendrils ou
thing else. Lipstick: nic
ut my blue eyes. Blusher
ll be flushed
uld propose," says a lo
stfully. "What
g I could be more helpfu
now we're compatible,
e've been living together, the s
him," says the b
e a year." The long-hair
twitchy and we drop it.
t's been si
an looks up from drying
h y
ir flushes. "Nothing's wr
a private c
woman gestures briskly
ne's li
edhead looks emba
y!" The old woman regar
le creatures. The minute th
l, you've handed him his ki
that," says the long-
ot married because th
e old woman gives a brisk
nd living together and t
nt." She picks up her bag.
aitin
ooks of apology, then dis
l exchange raised ey
uringly, and squeeze the g
want to spread the joy.
d I have had: finding the
t
ous effort to gather her
ery happy li
er pen back to the blond
ck
adies' and survey the bust
play. There's Richard, si
im. He's not even checkin
as I am. The most speci
lide into my chair and
Shall we pick up w
I can tell he's lost a
ly. "It's such a special day," I say
tely."
I gesture around. "The pe
lk
ly on the table, and, as
He takes a deep
e, there's something I w
"I don't think this will com
God, here
ice is a ner
for the
and my head jerks up. A
iced him. Almost before I
bout brown soda bread. I
. Couldn't the waiter tell
proposal
thrown off track too. Stup
boyfriend'
gly, as soon as the wa
sti
s on me and takes a de
n round in surprise, to se
fair, I suppose it's what
-I'm barely aware of wh
ther one will be back, any
w's he supposed to propos
o men
ning at him wryly
rea
ll be along in a mi
s here." He rolls his eyes
in this together. Who ca
rfect, staged moment? "Sh
a
knowing smile. "Would that
ou t
" He raises his eyeb
, I don't know whether I
ious length of time, eking it out for bo
an see the tension flood
's so unassuming. He's s
etting
ard, yes," I add for emp
ow how much this means to
to
and it's as though we ha
er couples, who have to s
connect
lent. I can feel a cloud o
here forever. I can see us
corating a Christmas tree
ome and stay for Christmas,
the first thing I'll do whe
x. She'll adore helping wit
got a mother of
many plans. So much glor
ently rubbing his fing
re happy." He c
or ages." I sigh contented
like ... what will it be li
at you mea
this room. I'll always
." I squeeze his
" he say
d is, he can convey so m
He doesn't need to say muc
si
girl watching us from ac
a triumphant smile, becaus
, gratef
, sir? Mademoiselle?" Th
m up
need some
back at me. "The house
art for a spec
st sharing our joy. "It's a very sp
elier's face creases int
!" We both turn to Richar
t of the moment. He's stari
y does he look so s
is strangled. "W
's upset. Of course. Trus
pin
d you want to tell your pa
derstand. We won't tel
ide-eyed and starey. "Lo
certainly. "You just propo
He yanks his h
d here. The sommelier has
ay the waiter with the
ching
I have no idea what you'
his hair. "I haven't menti
nyth
t you meant! When you o
I said, 'With all my heart,
uti
g for him to agree, longi
s baffled, and I feel
meant?" My throat is so t
s happening. "You di
opose!" he says forc
so loudly? Heads are p
ryw
nose with my napkin. "Y
restau
washing over me. I'm ri
t this
oposing, then why w
hard is talking almost to
've never di
t and indignation are eru
nizing a 'spe
defensively. "I'm going t
liked your surname! Y
raw poll at the office!"
s chit
had to ask me a
n." He shakes his
'big qu
e between us. The cloud o
and swooping violins h
st onto the corner of the
ay at last. "This reall
sti
ped. "It's not imp
on, te
lly. "I was going to ask
hought maybe we c
lashing out. "You booked a
o talk abou
inces. "Lottie, I feel ter
ely zer
bloody conversation abo
stroking your hand and say
ment for ages. And you we
nk I was ta
ling as though searching
u know. Going o
'?" I stare at him. "Wh
t st
desperate. "The truth is
n a sudden confessional rus
al
al
ken. I thought we had a sp
we had a private code. An
ing
ds in front of us and qu
ood to talk. I pick up my
ven seem to have
gement ring," I say,
uries his head
. I'll tak
tured. "Do we have to ...
move away from th
get married?" As I ask th
ago I thought I was engag
inishing tape, arms up in
up my shoes, wondering
I dunno." He sounds bel
swiveling more and more
tual
much clearer signal. Mayb
se, one day.
air comes over me. I beli
I have got it so wrong? I
anything
my salad for a few mome
ado and pomegranate seeds
chard, I do want to get mar
d I wanted them with you.
breathing hard but determ
I know the truth sooner r
, an
in alarm. "Wait! This d
too old to be on a waiting
rather know now and mov
scles have stopped wor
tter go." Tears are edgin
ck to work and check on my
ff, but what's the point?
the joyful ne
I feel a hand grabbing m
ith the beaded headb
demands excitedly. "D
fe stabbing in my heart. H
end anymore. But I'd ra
hin proudly. "Actually, he
and shoots
he eye of the long-haired
he next table.
s so incredulous that I f
antly. "I said 'No.' We we
cision to end it. Even thou
s and a dog and
my back, and I swivel rou
he whole bloody rest
s rising in distress. "I
still sitting at the table
ou're in love with me an
now. But the
it better, I stride o
d my desk littered with n
as out. I slump down at
ar a cough. Kayla, my inte
hovers round my door a lo
me a two-sided Christmas
how she would never ha
t for the talk I gave at Br
admit. As recruitment s
anie
h?" Her eyes
id I tell her Richard wa
e a kick, seeing her excitem
erw
estaurant." I start to rif
ching for some vital
e you e
juice sprinkled on sore
raight out, "Are you engag
ring, which clearly I'm no
yla has some trouble wo
nda
acket, playing for time,
y, no. Actually, I
She sounds
. "Absolutely. I concluded
r point, this was
"But ... you guys we
as simple as they appear,
qui
ave been d
a pause. "Yup. Pretty cru
'll never see Richard agai
geon to the stomach, the e
All of it. I'll never have s
ll never hug him again. So
kes me wan
nspiring." Kayla's eyes a
r career, and to have the
on't do what eve
tely. "I was making a st
ve to conclude this conve
in the bursting-into-tear
art
s?" I scan the Post-it
he presentation tomorro
ll
n w
He said y
st Ben." It'll be some c
o get a foot in the door. I'
t
go over my presentation.
l she leaves. Deep breat
e on, m
ck it up with a sweeping
tte Gra
e! It'
o put the receiver st
iss." I swa
how ar
te in her voice and curse
ted her from t
pressure. Why did I ever
n tell her I was dating Ri
start talking
ody. Nada. Zip. Not until we've been blissfully ma
. Then, and only then, w
at? I met someon
a breezy, matter-of-fac
this end
angling. I know exactly w
assive diamond ring and
sucks your toes in so
can't bear to talk about i
ind another topic.
und bright and nonchalant
ly should get round to doi
an, what am I waiting for? I could apply to Birkb