CARNAL

s familiar with grief and loss. I interned at a practice that had p

lings, but I would admit

to grab the mug and take a sip of my coffee. I heard someone coming down the

g look on his face and I just shook my hea

came over to pou

he followed suit, drinking his coff

owing I wanted to t

placed the mu

overanalyze thing

his own mug down and signed back. ''Y

rolled my eyes

ucky,'' I

with people. You don't ha

he military. He looked at co

s your choice,'

igh

family make valid poin

for the mortuary. After they left, I began to clean, knowing there

up on the couch reading throu

plants and space heaters, I took it upon myself to take them up to the

o flights of stairs band into the attic, dropp

tically, rubbing the muscle in my back I was

okshelf that was lined with old books, most of which didn't look like they had been opened in years. But

bering the bookshelves in m

p books that he was

nd black depictions drawn all over it. The edges of the pages were bright red and worn, so I knew it was a book that had been

agination," I muttered under my breath, s

as I left the room. I could hear the sound of my parent's car driving up

ught to the house, along with several arrangements of sympathy fl

and got ready to

t a long, burgundy cardigan over the dress so I could stay warm in the house and a

ng and I stopped. The sound of guests speaking German to my

ook a deep breath. Y

just old

They always claim to remember you when you were two or three, or some other em

dn't s

er hand, loved

ays a few that never gave him

rived, I was weaving my way through a sea of white ha

looked to see where it was coming from and I felt a wave

lf between Zak and the older man

any volume, so please quiet down," I said,

an shouted, ignoring my r

correcte

n't he

then," the ma

nication is ninety-three pe

ay you'd like him to for the remaining s

said, switchi

nd me now. Does tha

ed eyebrows before dismissively

hole." I muttered

mused smile and

ot letting things

ght my eye. In the crowd of aging people, there wa

its and they immediately stood out because of their age. I

and, more importantly, how they knew my grandfather. They made their way through the

parallel with them, I was tryin

other's voice cutting thro

oming," she said in

as everyone turned their

ondolences," she continued, placing h

open the casket and allow everyone the opport

et them in front of the casket, I assumed to welc

to them. Once we were all gathered, my

my mother

casket was not

ealization hit me