Police!!!

o had remarked t

nds me of a slovenly, fat woman w

odd

arly passes for it-is all in front. The minute you

r of her is merely an occiputal backyard full of theoretical

tion. I trembled as I lig

nt in America was clearly at th

plosion of dementia, some sixty years later, the United States wept violently over the immemorial wrongs perpet

e still

l like a meteoric mass of molten metal upon the Bronx Park Zo?logical Society

care to. Sooner or later I'd be oblig

f all field work. Why? Nobody knew. It is true that she had written several combination nature and love romances. In these popular volumes trees, flowers, butterflies, birds, animal

and was discovered on his stomach still feebly squirming like an expiring top; Dr. Hans Fooss, our beloved Professor of Pachydermatology sat for hours weeping into his noodle soup. As for me, I was both furious and frightened, for, within the hearing of several

at outrageous remark and he

e and I being too busy dissecting an unusually fine specimen of Dingue to go to the Rolling Stone In

ost unfortunate thing for anybody to say about you before all those young

ng large and hot. "Did that outrageous woman have the bad

en she said it. Several blondes

hat no typewriter so far forgot herself as

nanimous in declaring you

. I am ineligible; and everybody knows it. If at times a purely scientific curiosity leads me in

nvestigate the feminine is more

ty!" nodde

y cheese sandwich. Only men know men. A jury of my peers

d better be careful or Professor Bo

areful," I sai

only protection of a defensele

t, 'I lofe you like I was going to blow up alretty!' Ach, nein! Don'd you write down

sch, then he fed himself and rammed it down with a hearty draught of Pils

of you. It seems to me that there are only two possible ways fo

marked masculine attention to Professor Bott

rd, "the first method

e like a drill-sergeant and she goose-steps when she walks; and I don't mind admitting she has me badly scar

ruin her scientifically, how can we ho

nknown specimens which might have proved only imaginary. Public ridicule would have ended my scientific career in such an event. I know of no better way to end Professor Bottoml

s began

im. While he labored with Teutonic imperturbability to master it Lezard and I exchanged suggestions regarding the proposed a

d us all out of our agreeable, traditional and leisurely inertia. Inertia begets cogitation, and cogitation begets ideas, and ideas beget reflexion, and profo

nusually beautiful that I wrot

of nourishment from his plate with a wad of rye bread, then bolting the bread and wiping his beard with his fingers and his fingers on h

tty determined. Von Pachydermatology she knows nodding. Maybe she leaves me alone, maybe it

is advisable,"

reer," said I. And I bowed my rather striking head and rested the point of my forefinger

I saw Lezard fold his arms a

s. His pipe went out presently, and now and then he made long-drawn nasal remark

rom here as possible," mused Lezard.

suggestion. But it seemed

us reason together. Now what

iosi

ue, what-ah-quality particularly c

s determ

osity of Professor Bottomly; and her ruthless determina

"are we to arou

thing hitherto undiscovered, the discovery of

the glory for herse

ould,"

uldn't it be funny to plan

ather gracefully

ant something-something-far away from here-very far aw

d hundreds o

insisted, ent

example! Maybe a Tasmania

e, I understand. Life becomes one endless cat-nap-one delightful siesta, with intervals for light nourishment.... She-ah-could sit very comfortably in some pleasant retrea

o," he said

too much l

nt to Borneo she'd be sure to

observations through his nose with monotonous but authoritative regularity. I t

dling nervously with various objects lying on my desk I chanced to

tmark. After a moment I leaned forward and examined it more attentively. The letter directed to me was postmarked Fort Carcajou, Cook

itten to me again. What do you suppose is the matter with him?

l at once a gleam of savage interest

to me that perhaps, in the humble letter from the wilds of Baffin Land, which I was now opening with eager and unsteady fingers, mi

I unfolded the pencil-scrawled sh

-being, relighted his pipe, and disposed himself to listen. But just as I was about to b

zing of flies. Then I stole a startled glance at m

tening with all our might, we heard the cautiously suppressed

utlined in the air, with one hand, the large and feminine amplification of his own pers

that she was out there prepared t

eatures; he winked horribly at Dr. Fooss and at me, and uttered a f

t being overheard, "the matter under discussion admits of only one interpretation: a d

glory is to be shared by us alone, an

e that epoch-making

. Fooss, winking so violently

conded that this epoch-making letter be read a

imed, fairly wriggling

went on.... "It seems to be carried.... It is carried. The ch

-cent cigar, unfolded th

ses S

Cook's Peninsu

15,

sor, De

wer having been rec'd perhaps you think

les excep' frozen tussock and mud and all flat as hell for fifty miles which is where I am trappin' it for mink and otter and now ready to go back to Fort Carcajou. i told you what I s

was drownded like. Some has tusks and some hasn't. Two ellerphants stuck out of the ice, I eat onto one, the meat was good and

er in the Mouse House once in the Bronx and seein' you nosin' around like yo

o eleven thousand dollars for tippin' you wise. I won't tell nobody till I hear from you. I'm h

s Sk

the door, and, finding it still on the crack,

e that somebody, signing himself James Skaw, was still t

expedition to Baffin Land which we three are about to organise is destined to be wi

ths preserved in mud and ice thr

tely approached in importance the discovery made

ard, "that we are to be an

the finders of the ice-preserved herd of mammoths-technically, you understand

glacier after him,"

nough glory for him. It ought to satisfy him an

ally troubles me. Ought we to notify our honoured and

y already has too much responsibility weighing upon her distinguished mind. No, dear brothers in science, we should steal away unobserved as though setting out upon an ordinary field expedition. And when we return with fresh and immortal laure

ucous and untimely mirth. As for Dr. Fooss, his small, porcine eyes snapped and twinkled ma

to discover, und, by and by, die elephanten bei der Pronx Bark home yet again

hen, that we shall say nothing concerning the true

ained our ears to listen. And presently we detected the scarcely

to do so I arose

cheerfulness in my tones, "that we are abou

d. He rose and silently execu

, "und I shall laff, und I shall laff-ach

squely toward the direction in whi

hall nourish you in its bosom

o be in my desk a bottle marked: "That's all!" On t