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Six Women

Chapter 4 No.4

Word Count: 7717    |    Released on: 30/11/2017

th long, wavering shadows that the flickering firelight

nearest the fire a side-light fell across a man's figure leaning against the corner of the mantel-shelf. A ruddy

s lost in

n the dusk is fastened round a long, well-set neck; the figure in the bl

e pleasure they give her seems inextricably confused with dull pain. Her

spoiled now by the haggard falling in of the cheeks, the

d the girl knows it, though they are turned from her. She gives a suppressed, inaudible sigh; his a

and he speaks apparently to the panes, but the tones are well-bred and pleasing; and a

ay, if either person has enough, or the two together,

hesitating, timid v

es

ly. "The man must have enough to support

vulsively, unseen behind her slight waist, la

e mere expression of a general theory-a cold authority and a weight of pe

oses her hot eyelids suddenly to shut o

," she says quietly, with well-bred indifference in her tone,

urself?" he says coldly, after a slight

knees under them, and one small foot upon the hearthrug; the rest of the form is veiled

expansion in his frame; outwardly there is not the fai

her, in her absorbing love for the man be

ounds this "enough," when for her

day without you," is the current running under all her thoughts

e one too large. He would only think her a silly, sentimental girl, who knows nothing of what

is eyes the picture of a mean, pitiful, sordid existence, from whic

ehow-by contracting debt, probably-she thinks, as her keen, observant ey

arettes; these things, she feels instinctively, must be pr

not hopelessly beyond him. She recalls her own two

ly I think one can live on so very little; but I suppose mo

beside him. The tea has grown cold in the discussion of abstract questions. He takes the cup

isn't it? Well, now, go on, see what you can ma

upts the girl, "but why have

"because the girl generally expec

one seems to hear the smile wit

y, with a gleam of pleasure brea

, I suppose, at the least, and then another thirty fo

hat's a g

ares moodily into the fire, with a pricking recollection o

of selfish extravagance he fe

some amusement, and three hundre

from the slim waist downwards. "What amusement does a woman want if she is in love with the man she is living with? The man himself is her amusemen

abit was to consider all women mercenary and untrustworthy. Deep in his heart-for he had a heart, though contracted from want of use-lay a hungry desire to be loved, reall

are taking a theatrical

o you

through unheard-of difficulties together, and so on"; but he adds, with a faint yawn: "I've always n

answers the girl in a quiet tone, not denying hi

as there were only two; but then, when there are chi

he girl almost catch her breath. For these two were not on inti

e other's existence. Since then some chance meetings on the beach, the parade, the pier, a few long afternoon rows, between then and no

the customary phrases and deliberatel

n uttered on either side; but the girl feels in the determined tone of his voice, in the studied way he started it, in the cold precision

ions that he means to put, to all of which her answers

nt, nor leaves out anything on his mental lis

r the other; and then, when he has heard and said all he intends, he will terminate the conversation as decisiv

ting her: that she stand

e, his manner, his look keep it back absolutely, as a firm hand holds down the rising cork upon the exuberant wine. And now, at this sentence of his, her words fail her. They are s

in her, are already, as it were, familiar, but t

quaintance upon this subject? The very word "children" seems to scorch her lips. At the

what are

words shock hi

for the man, the idea of maternity can merely present i

le of the man in front of her. His clothes, she sees

weak, timid voic

ecessary to have v

energy and alacrity of one who is glad to e

awn again. Unlike himself in his

riages are the happiest wh

nd thrusting his hands into his coat p

e other's expression. He stands irresolutely for a mi

coming home and finding a lot of child

and Stephen, after a minute's

ve, when she has childre

red voice. "Oh, yes, one

o far; there is a deep relief an

using himself, "I must go.

leaping, yellow blaze. It fills the room with

ain him, and they look at

ellous, and admirable for its me

light. The hungry, hopeless look in those eyes and the drawn lines in his face go to the

a longing that presses upon her, till it is like

is thinking, "if I might on

How would a kiss be? how would they-And so there is a momentary, barely perceptible pause, filled with a

icult problem and not settled it

murs the girl, with a throat so dr

into it. There is a moderate pressure only on either side, and then he goes out and shuts the door, l

, through the unlighted hall, and let

nd left distress behind him, but his own sensation of irritation, his own v

desperate and painful confusion. "Only a hundred a year!" is his plainest,

s tensely strung, and generally, owing to various incident

pulse beats strongly, and the

; but there is such a heavy curb-rein of control perpetually upon it, that its t

regulated and calmed by his will, and as he walks on he lapse

as, and a certain sati

think, and what my principles are. She won't wonder that I say not

was tremendous, his sense of honour keen, his adherence to that which he conceived the righ

, he had not the vaguest conception: of its faint and

nd as to the feelings of others, he could not be blamed for not consi

going to steadfastly apply, and he thought no more of the girl's feelings under them than

for a man to engage a girl to himself with

h to remove a girl from a comfortable position to a poorer one, though she might positively swear she preferred it; and lastl

when you have to wait so long-and then it was much be

was in the humour, and studiously repulse her when she made any, to act almost as if he were her fiancé, and curtly resent it if she ever assumed he was more than an ordi

y-three or four times in the week, perhaps more; and the inward irri

age irritability in manner, that told the girl's keen intelligence something; some involuntary sighs of hers as

n them on the most trifling subjects in his long afternoon calls. A little music would be attempted-that is, he would sing song after song, while she accompanied him, but a song was rarely completed. Generally, before or at the mid

et of music, his head bent down and touched hers. Once, apparently to regain the leaf, his hand and arm leaned hard upon her lap. One second, p

d, but her hands had falle

n playing. Put the windo

window, raised it, and

ughingly reminded him that they were only staying in seaside lodgings, and other occupants of the house must be considered. Stephen reluctantly relinquish

rsation, there comes a pause, a silence; he can think of nothing m

the stair. By this time a fresh stock of chaff and light wit is ready in Stephen's brain, and he makes use of anything and everything to procure him

gth, and the girl did not re-enter the drawing-room

ceaselessly backwards and forwards. "If I only knew that he di

stretches her arms out on her mantelpie

rical smile. "All this anxiety and pain and feeling of il

ouch, without pretence of occupation, feeling too exhau

place, and that nothing would induce him to stay more than another week, that a st

ed again. She made no remark, but at the close of d

re-dressed in morning things. Her hands trembled so violently that

eek. To-morrow, she knew, Stephen was leaving the

ment to choke down the terrible physical excitement

downstairs quiet

s still, co

h the few streets that d

at goes by them, and in her decisive walk, in the eyes blind to them, they fe

nd with a great fear of him suddenly rushing over her, s

s. May leans against the wall, a terrible sick faintness,

o see it; she simply clings to the handle of the door,

s; they have been playing cards, but a game is just

, as his habit is, and yawning slightly. He has just be

know what the deuce 'Ladas' meant t

ow that," is the curt response, and at that

he girl says with a perceptible grin. "She said she

uddenly, and his eyebrows, that habitually have a sup

a word in reply, he crosses the room towards

they forbear to laugh or even smile till he is well out of the room. Brookes goes down t

ely annoyed, and that

er the swinging lamp, and she watches him run lightly dow

his face, do the lines of his neck and shoulders and their carriage please her. All the pleasure she

her, and holds out one trembling, burning hand. Stephen, with a confused sense of its being awfully bad form tha

the familiar, supercilious accent that with him is the ex

e in his thoughts, and his heart beating violently with sudden excitement now he i

up, leaning back against the doo

her, and a sudden glow lights up in his veins. He feels it, and it wa

ts the gas, returns to the door, closes it, and th

mask. His large eyes, somewhat bloodshot now from hours of s

s in them now for one gleam of the same light, but there is none. They and his face are cloaked in a cold res

e-goin

ct at the words he had so often

take a greyer

he feels only slightly intensifying his

im could be more galling, more humiliating, more crushing th

etween them-a slight, delicate defence, is as effectual a

on," she falters. "And it seems as if

each other. He is motionless; one hand rests in

tary-the other's embrace could give if-but the conditions in the respective mi

te to each other,

of his love for her, and her common-sense instinct not to throw away her life's happiness for a misunderstanding

of feeling, and she stretches both hand

marvel-later, he marvels at it himself-how, with his own passion keen and alive in him, he maintains his ground. But there is s

r coming to him in this way, and endeavouring to surprise from

t to himself; and the thought rouses

he will speak,

swers quietly, in a cold formal tone, and

n the white face comes back and back to him in the

by his own helpless, ignominious position, as he fancies,

esiring real love, and not knowing it, deliberatel

cut the gi

erself to speak again to him, but the terrible, irrepre

tell me? Do you not

rust it back? But the thought recurs. No. She is rushing him; and he declines to be rushed. Also a sort of half-embarrassment comes

slightly

do! I like yo

so to convey the polite warning: Don't go any f

the dogged determination he has to remain master of

ched him, and taken his hands and pressed them to her bosom; if she had had the courage to force upon h

the brain, the senses; but with

d its flame runs through t

alf-world, or even of the world, she could have succeeded. But she was a girl; and her modesty and innoc

hysical power to move towards him, to make a further appeal to him, is gone. Speech is dried

y at his feet, but yet held back by some irresistible power she cannot comprehend,

s the fashionable, well-brought-up girl, with all her sensitive instincts in revolt against forcing herself upon a man

every nerve seems bruised and quivering, a faint smile twists at last the pale, trembling lips. "You would have made a good

, with all his own passion surging heavily through his blood, and her last sentence-that he does not understand any more than he understands hi

resent, when I'm going into the work-house myself! But what a splendid creature she is! Lots of 'go' i

its actions. The whole physical, nervous system, weakened by months of self-con

brain, turned it from its balance. It had been a brilliant brain, and t

ike a corroding poison thr

ity had been torture. He had absolutely rejected her. "He could not care for me," s

his, the sudden violence of his touch when there was any excuse for

the only explanation of his words and tones. To the tender female nature the depth of brutali

ed to the girl impossible, ludicrous

gift of her sex-intuition; and she had understood more than many women woul

to a woman he cared for," she argued.

e obeyed him, and waited months, years, gone down to her grave waiting, in patient fidelity to him. Her qualities of control were as fine as his, and her devotion to a m

er life without him seemed just then

ole physical frame, violently over-strained, craved for rest-rest that the excited brain could not give. Rest was the urgent

igue suggested all the past sleepless nights, and the craving of the body urged the brain to find better means

the road happened to pass a post-office. May stopped and

ht; "because I am so stupid, I co

all beyond was blank peace. She went

discovered that I have courage enough to die, but not to live without you. I am going to the sea now, and in an hour we shall be separated for ever. I shal

assed out of the office, posted it, and wen

Overhead the sky was black, and glittered coldly with the winter stars. Beside and behind her and before her not a living c

ull of that tremendous activity of brain and pulse and blood, so valuab

, lived for him, had he but wanted me!" is

m the light down to the moist darkness of the beach. To get away into oblivion, to escape from this maddening s

bed at home, where so many, many sleepless, anguished nights have been spent! Here-rest and sleep, with no awakening to a grey and b

the water's edge, and then finds where

s, then her knees, then her waist, and then she throws herself face

im towards the horizon. "Like his arms!" she thinks, as the water encircles her. "L

fect specimen of wintry beauty. A light frost

r, a tranquil calm on the gently risin

and his arm, lying on the coverlet-an arm thinned by constant fever and night-sweats-r

consciousness of sleep recedes from his face, and recollection and intelligence come back to it, more clear

s merely, as Nature's most precious gift-

ke in his boots, he finds two letters with them

s toilet-table, with the thought, "Asking me to go and see h

reference to his post-the post that means

han two seconds his eye takes in

and an exultant fire runs throu

y in its cover with but the s

d stands in the middle of the room,

hinking. "Yes, by God

rified; life i

y desire, easily and recently awakened, but the long desire that has been goaded and baited to fury through we

ression, bounds like an electrified pulse

s, and then he laughs, as he makes a step towards the

How unexpected!-this morning! Now I can tell her I'm free, independent! I am glad I waited-it was m

nd turns to the glass to

, and picks it up. "You darling!" he th

senseless and pulseless, with all the million possibilities of pleasure that filled those keen nerves and supple limbs gone out of

wait," he murmurs, "I don'

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