The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan

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I should at once acquaint them with my titles and name. My card, as

O'GRADY GAHAG

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DNUG

e confusion thereby created. When I published my volume of poems, for instance, the Morning Post newspaper remarked "that the Lyrics of the Heart, by Miss Gahagan, may be ranked among the sweetest flowrets of the present spring se

oes not speak English, understands it as well as I do), said to me in the softest Teutonic, "Lieber Herr Major, haben sie den Ahmednuggarischen-jager-battalion gel

a dead silence as H.

shed and stuttered, and murmured out a few incoherent words to explain-but it would not do-I could not recover my equanimity during the course of the dinner; and while endeavouring to help an English duke, my neighbour, to poulet a l'Austerlitz, fairly sent seven mushrooms and three

ames of the parties concerned in this little anecdote. I only wish to have it un

nd his Highness sent down a gold toothpick-case directed to Captain G. Gahagan, which I of course thought was for me: my brother madly claimed it; we fought, and the consequence was, that in about three minutes he received a slash in the right side (cut 6), which effectually did his business:- he was a good swordsman enough-I was THE BEST in the universe. The most ridiculous part of the affair is, that the toothpick-case was his, after all-he had left it on the Nawaub's table at tiffin. I can't conceive what madness prom

cises, owing money to my tailor and everybody else who would trust me, possessing an Irish brogue, and my full pay of 120l. a year. I need not say

aneously to fall in love with her. We were not out of the Channel before I adored her, worshipped the deck which she trod upon, kissed a thousand times the cuddy-chair on which she used to sit. The same madness fell on every man in the ship. The two mates fought about her at the Cape; the surgeon, a sober pious Scotchman, from disappointed affection, took so

gh old and gouty, Gahagan sees you still! I recollect, off Ascension, she looked at me in her particular way one day at dinner, just as I happened to be blowing on a piece of scalding hot green fat. I was stupefied at once-I thrust the entire morsel (about half a pound) into my mout

nths' trajet, my mad passion for Julia daily increased; so did the captain's and the surgeon's; so did Colonel Lilywhite's; so did the doctor's, the mate's-that of most part of the passengers, and a considerable number of the crew. For myself, I swore-ensign as I was-I would win her for my wife; I vowed tha

ff to her papa's arms in a palankeen, surrounded by at least forty hookahbadars; whilst the poor cornet, attended but by two dandies

rkable war which was speedily to spread throughout the whole of India, to call forth the valour of a Wellesley, and the indomitable gallantry of a Gahagan; which was illustrated by our victories at Ahmednuggar (where I was the first over the barricade at the storming of the Pettah); at Argaum, where I slew with my own sword twenty-three matchlock-men, and cut a dromedary in two; and by that terrible day of Assaye, where Wellesley would have been beaten but f

ttons, rhubarb-coloured leather inexpressibles (tights), and red morocco boots with silver spurs and tassels, set off to admiration the handsome persons of the officers of our corps. We wore powder in those days; and a reg

come him quite so much as slimmer and taller men. Flanked by his tall Majors, Thrupp and Gutch, he looked like a stumpy skittle-ball between two attenuated skittles. The plump little Colonel received me with vast cordiality, and I speedily b

because during the monotony of a sea voyage she had no other toy to play with; and who deserted others for me, and me for others, just as her whim or her interest might guide her. She had not been three weeks at headquarters when half the regiment was in love with her.

. Hicks received a ball in his jaw, and was half choked by a qu

I was run through the body, but the sword passe

B.C.S., Deputy- Assistant Vice Sub-Controller of

umstance attended this shot, an account of which I sent home to the "Philosophical Transactions:" the surgeon had extracted the ball, and was going off, thinking that all was well, when the gold repeater struck thirteen in po

ld think, satisfy the peaceful reader. I delight not in scenes of blood, Heaven knows, but I was compelled in the course of a few wee

at Jowler married Mrs. J., a creature who had not, I do believe, a Christian name, or a single Christian quality: she was a hideous, bloated, yellow creature, with a beard, black teeth, and red eyes: she was fat, lying, ugly, and stingy-she hated and was hated by all the world, and by her jolly husband as devoutly as by any other. She did not pass a month in the year with him, but spent most of her time with her native friends. I wonder how she could have given birth to so lovely a creature as her daughter. This woman was of course with the Colonel when Julia arrived, and the spice of the

t be done with his daughter, his Julia? He knew his wife's peculiarities of living, and did not much care to trust his daughter to her keeping; but in vain he tried to find her an asylum among the respectable ladies of his regiment. Lady Gutch offered to receive her, but

wandered about the Colonel's bungalow as an informer does about a public-house, marking the incomings and the outgoings of the family, and longing

ed wife (I believe that her skin gave the first idea of our regimental breeches), who before had been gadding ceaselessly abroad, and poking her broad nose into eve

e currie-bhaut;-she was exactly the colour of it, as I have had already the honour to remark, and she swallowed the mixture with a gusto which was never equalled, except by my poor friend Dando a propos d'huitres. She consumed the first three platefuls with a fork and spoon, like a Christian; but as she

assed. "What! Gagy my boy, how do, how do?" said the fat Colonel. "What! run through the body?-got well again-have some Hodgson-run through your body too!"-and at this, I may say, coarse joke (alluding to the fact that in these hot climates the ale oozes out as it were

onsomah, bal

ans took the hi

e dust my high-raised hopes and me, to express my hopes while life still remains to me, and to declare in the face of heaven, earth, and Colonel Jowler, that I love you, Julia!" The Colonel, astonished, let fall a steel fork, which stuck quivering for some minutes in the calf of my leg; but I heeded not the paltry interruptio

enraged monkey. Julia was now red, now white; the Colonel stretched forward, took the fork out of

from the Governor-General, and six from his brother, Colonel Wellesley)-one hundred and twenty-four proposals for the hand of Miss Jowler! Cornet Gahagan," he continued, "I wish to think well of you: you are the bravest, the most modest, and, perhaps, the handsomest man in our corps; but you have not got a

bitterest chillum I e

hen taking dawk, I travelled across the country north-eastward, and had the honour of fighting by the side of Lord Lake at Laswaree, Degg, Furruckabad, Futtyghur, and Bhurtpore: but I will not boast of my actions-the military man knows the

ing and counter-marching, and fighting almost every other day: to the world I did not seem altered; but the world only saw the face, and not the seared and blighted heart within me. My valour, always desperate, now reac

iment to be flogged within two days; but it was against the blacks that he chiefly turned his wrath. Our fellows, in the heat and hurry of the campaign, were in the habit of dealing rather roughly with their prisoners, to extract treasure from them: they used to pull their nails out by the root, to boil them i

les were empty, and I was left with but seven more to make head against at least thirty of these vagabond black horsemen. I never saw in my life a nobler figure than the leader of the troop-mounted on a splendid black Arab; he was as tall, very nearly, as myself; he wore a steel cap and a shirt o

Grinding my teeth and swearing horribly, I drew that scimitar which never yet failed its blow, {2} and rushed at the India

rose in my stirrups and delivered "St. George;" my sword caught the spike exactly on the point, split it sheer in two, cut crashing through the steel cap and hood, and was only stopped by a ruby which he wore in his back- plate

ader's fate. I took home his helmet by way of curiosity, and we m

e of the leader of the troop:

ushed wildly into his tent-the next day applied for leave of absence. Gut

where Lord Wellesley received me with the greatest distinction. Fancy my surprise, on going to a ball at Governm

see you. Old friend, Julia-come to tiffin- Hodgson's pale-brave fellow Gagy." Julia did not speak, but she turned ashy pale, and fixed upon me

ver had been: and that in three weeks I-yes, I-was the accepted lover of Julia! I did not pause to ask where were the one

l was still; I looked into the verandah-all was dark, except a light-yes, one light-and it was in Julia's chamber! My heart throbbed almost to stifling. I would-I WOULD advance, if but to gaze upon her for a moment, an

"what would that fool Gah

ieking out of the room, Julia fainted, the cursed black children squalled, and their d-d nurse fell on her knees,

efend yourself!" But old Jowler, when he saw me, only whistle

om Benares-for his exclamation upon the death of the Indian chief-for his desire to marry hi