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suitcase is on the bed, but I don't even think about touching it. I walk over to the bed and lie down comfortably on the king-size bed. I stay still for a while, staring at th

boyfriend. Remember that? You were so nervous, looking for help, and I didn't want to keep talking about the ugly shit I did to my body. I tried to search my mind. Levi never spoke to Betânia, but he seemed to know her from how much I talked about it. Suddenly, more noise. I turn my head and see a little boy running through the bistro. Unconsciously, I smile. - Do you think about having children? My question is one of those I always ask, because I like to get to know you. We usually talk a lot about the past, but we almost never talk about the future, so I don't know what to expect. - God forbid - he mumbles. This reaction surprises me. Levi is always so sweet, I believed he would be a great father. - Seriously? - I hate children. Always jumping and screaming... Besides, you know me well... I will never get married and have a family. It was funny how we were different in that. We both experienced traumatic childhoods, mine isolating me from other human beings, his making him seek sexual comfort without measure. "I would like to have children," I said. "A family... Before my sister was born, when my parents wanted me... It was incredible... I really wanted to have a family again." "Bia." His clear, firm voice made me observe him carefully. "You didn't have a family. You were just an object of comfort for them, like the dog of the childless couple who abandons the animal on the road after having an heir. I was like that too. I was just someone my mother kept, I don't even know why. We are reality, the margarine commercial doesn't exist." My muscles tense at the words. "I'm sorry, Bia... I didn't mean to be harsh with you." He reaches across the table and holds my fingers. He's my best friend, not only because we talk about everything, without expecting judgment from each other, but also because we are essentially honest in what we think. 4 And I prepared Bia for moments like this, where the flashes of photographers almost blinded us, as we walked to the stairs that led to the club, where Vera Ramos' party was taking place. Bia didn't need to say anything, or even look at the cameras. She was a simple, ordinary woman who didn't want the spotlight. I just wav