Forward, Children!

was slow

d houses of Ermenonville, appreciating the simplicity of the village, a few blocks square,

is such a place. He was seeing the familiar, outwardly unchanged by war: seeing the old brick/wood house, the mangy

ate ... wasn't that Jean standing there b

around him, threaten: the shabby seat, the shabby suitcase on the shabby carpeting: everything attained a linear dimension: for seconds more, as the engine braked and the cars ground to a stop, he reviewed his trip across Germany, the dangerous jeep rid

ed faces, those blank faces, beseeching faces. Jeannette was standing under the depot e

d and h

d him, and then her arms were a

.. Orv, oh

his old way, something brotherly.

e wanted to break away from her: her cleanliness was difficult to accept: he thought her uniform's imm

ed abo

e shook

ars,"

s struck him, made him shiver, made him wonder how l

oming alon

ourse

t," Claude said. "How are you?" The quest

simply

face seeme

easant cap: as they drove the short distance to the Ronde's, he said very little, but he did admit it had been "a rotten trip ... I tried phoning y

about L

s ver

in the h

there's no room

to her? The radiograms

. on a parachute drop she ... well, it was exposure ...

her jerky phrases th

rèse ...

so

legram

r a few days ... you and I." She kissed his hand. "There will

her agai

ield wipers and

a at once--no, don't wait to change. Orville respected Colonel Ronde for manipulating this brief leave: would he be arriving in E soon? Walking through the living r

... y

in: her room smelled of medicines; her oxygen tank reared up alongside her bed; its

was deep i

ional voice. "She died about a half hour a

Orville repeat

been on time?

anything to help Lena? His fat bearded face was noncom

back, stepped

and wet his lips with his tongue, blaming the war for her death. She had a lace handkerchief clenched in her hand ... maybe Amélie had died that way ... maybe Lena had been watching

ll. He found Jean in the living room: he did not wish to talk: he wanted to feel that Lena was still alive: as he sat down and faced Jeannette she thought how it must be coming ho

s standin

," Orville

bowed head he walked off, seeing the girl he had helped to raise, a woman of tantrums, woman of courage, love an

Therèse?" Orvi

know,"

wind fumbling at the French doors. Slowly, as they sat together, he became aware of his stench: nobody wanted him: he h

e been able to s

ed ... th

ho

octors were in and out.

re they,

r b

use anti

u saw the oxygen tank ... I came over oft

face with his hand a

inside himself: they were taking him farther away. Unable to think of anything more to say about Lena, she tho

laces," he said after a while. "I have to

ng him slowly, her heels tapping the pa

-dye her hair and grey and white strands hung about her ears and over her forehead. Wearing a

found a driver to bring Dr. Raoul to see Lena; he's gone upstairs to examine her.

s death: she waited beside Mme. Ronde's c

e one, from the box on the table over there by you--like a good boy ... Orville, h

t matter whether I let her go upstairs: maybe

g toward her, she said: "We went upstairs to see her ... s

an; she folded and unfolded her hand

tairs ... I'll

oat across the back of her chair, and

o upsta

down the stairs, waving a candy cane,

, handkerchief to her face, hating the tho

is aunt. She put her arm around Mme. Ronde's wa

...

rville,

ave to die whi

est was

e scoffed. "Who wants to die

sat

event people from talking: Bichain had called him in. Precepts: what had they done, had they stopped the wa

snatched from an overcoat. Mopping her face reddened it: it was more tragic

d, motionless. For Orville there was the

arm ... I'm going upstair

e, so he could mention it to his aunt; it was almost as if he had never known Lena. Instead of visualizing or evoking her he re

om Mother,

s aunt r

l right,"

utomatic--ou

red what it was

ve. Mme. Ronde found her way to Lena's bed ... Orville found his way downstairs, rejoining Jeannette, saying over and o

him and s

g to the

es

tal, in the entry, say about eight o'clock? ... Okay? but if things do

... now, I have to take ... but how are yo

and umbrella. It's

n this

'll ask

door her red head disappeared under his black umbrell

... sit on my bed ... take

he door, sensing that t

as a

ass above his bed; he thought he had seen them for the last time. Dragging off his sh

mbling about fishing gear: his eyes returned to the poles: beads of light twink

amazed by the jet: water, ordinary, hot water, wonderful water, swishing water. He tossed a washclot

and then dress but he knew he had to sleep: with the hot washcloth over his face he breathed deeply: he sopped it over his eyelids: r

n: the room stopped existing, the sheets gathered about his belly, legs, and shoulders: they felt warm: then, there was

Claude

etting late. Are you coming down? Jean

t me get dressed ... I, ye

es, he was hungry: he listened: it was still raining: he heard the rain-quiet on the big house. In another momen

ryo

There was a tie that Uncle Victor had given him. The cufflinks were from his mother. He could still wear the old, brown alligator shoe

ng roses on the dining table, white roses in a crystal bowl,

t you hungry? Did y

ugge

her face magical, the fragrance of roses als

rested,"

and over his beard. "These old clothes

own, m

e lace in a broad, open pattern of fully open poppi

herèse hav

gone to bed ... she d

ent for Un

... she needs him. I hope I can he

prised! He sat at the table, thinking of the new way she combed her hair, curling

been at th

ross from

cal cases ... they come in fast ... POW's ... civi

the table, apprehensive--troubled by gigantism of the war: thoughts of Lena con

her face seemed a gnome's face from some cathedral altar or reredos. Nervous, she

goblets became unfamiliar: so were Jean in her serge and the surrounding silence: hi

she wanted to know, troubled by the silence an

e by a mere sheet of glass: the past was unreal, thin, another sheet of glass: the wrong word might shatter bot

about yourself

ook he

be this way, h

help, help the wounded, help children. His own fingers--he glared at them, seeing the grime under the nails. They could not help.

, at the Rondes'," Jean said. "While Le

ufflé ... chicken ...

he ex

was mov

n's hair--the au

fied head, heavy eyebrows, smooth forehead, thin nose, good

at," she objected earnest

rry," h

me in the hosp

ch but he was ready to leave the table. Again he questioned love, how long did it last? A man's love for a woman, a woman's for a man, a child's love for his parents? Lif

gate opened: a Sherman tank roared th

. Lena's angora, curled on a floor cushion, was fast asleep. Orville stroked him and he rolled over and yaw

mth of her hands and the fires made him shut his eyes: nothing was wrong; then

we have

and Wisconsin, remembering her father who

es, Jean? I guess they were asking that during the Crusades. During

pe hell. I've been wanting to escape it. Our inquisition ... can't we call it t

ought to be a way to live without tragedy ... I want to make life wor

smile of tha

nt to make life worthwhile for us ... he wanted to make life worthwhile for the world. He was a brave guy--a fighter. You know ... he sai

e white tomb on the island of poplars, by the swans on the Petit Lac

gled clos

cting nature, making life simpler. Mom and I thought that too; that's why we move

his own slave

you read his Confessions you see how he feels ... Me ... I like

they listened to the

washed the ceiling, polished the side of the grand piano. Someone was going up the staircase--thoughtful steps. Se

ed against O

sanely ... at Cornell ... the

ville dear. We'l

I though

t think

cky? Tell me that. Don't tell me that somebody always is

viction slapped him across the face: there it was, in the wood and spark

an exile, always dying, starved for love, always composing ... Part of an étude rattled through Orville as he walked the floor: his mother was

be glad to take her: they had been ardent movie buffs. She felt that he would not have killed himself if she had been around to care for

e in Senlis, away from death. Tomorrow? Tom

ld her what Lena had meant to him, saying i

a pickup truck: the undertaker, a sickly man of fifty, with a g

tle later, for the funeral, I can get it started, yes ... I had to

d a final look, a long look, seeing Lena when kindness was kindness, when responsibilities were nil: fun, that was Lena: they f

bluebottle fly. He opened his creel, thumped it, unhooked a couple of tempting flies

s ... cock's hackle ... crow wing feathers

he checked them one by o

stair and out of the house: there was not much wind ... it was cold but not to

him at eleven--a

ven-twenty ...

veral villagers, he half

lue ones, yellow ones. What was the name of that opera he had composed? But t

hospital uniform and was w

, O

ing to my sundial," he said,

o some kind of dither. You know how cooks are! ... Jus

the stream: they did not walk far: he knew a fishing spot by an old ruin: among the willows were regal chestnut and poplar a

. She was as clever with her casting as he: it was Wisconsin casting upstream ve

w you're a pr

leafy sunlight

letters chiselled under its claws. They cast into a pool overhung by a three-story chunk of masonry, a dark green pool, free of snags or leaves, pool and castle merging. She dropped a fly inside a water window: with each flick of the

as he got a strike. "Bring h

spinning thrilled him: the line sliced across the w

ut, her job forsaken: she

g his catch. "A pound or so, I

at ... he

ved hi

atch into his

... years ago Prince Radziwill stocked t

nonville," she said, casting again. "I've never met any

ir country house into

eard th

kind that seem to be sheared off a sheep appeared along the ho

into the stream, soaking herself to the knees: for a while she ki

the embankment for shelter from the wind, she got a strike. Too cold a

. my sweater's not enough to keep me

ed one. That's pretty

er collar and trousers, appreciating Orville's gr

e have anot

at the hospital ... go on .

ked, stopped: there he was with Lena in her boat on the Nonette

Jean ... Ju

l, he watched swallows dip, fly close

's creel and he carried the lunch basket and poles. The sky's greyness worked lower into surroundin

will be tomor

know," s

be able

hink

ave seen a l

we h

supposed to

a half-door, placing their basket on a plank ta

e eat

here it's warm. I'll give you all the hot soup you

, his moustache white like his crop of hair. He thought Jeannette very amus

that Victor would be unable to attend the burial. If he came, what would they say to each other? Casual stuff about t

of hers: thos

d pigeons, rain, wind, Nazis. Suddenly, nurses flooded the kitchen, entering through an inside door, some with trays of dishes. A

ut, yarning about old times in E. They ate hungrily and then dropped in

big man with a big mouth. Orville lit a cigarette and slammed the door on him--the fellow still griping. Jean rolled the n

r puritanism ... emergency leave ... emergency thoughts ... you ... you went fishing and

ictor's ca

tary hero, our 1

hutting the

he hospital, shall we

that on tomorrow's agenda? Yes, tomorrow she is to be buried ... Yes, a cup of

iving room: Orville's fishing r

nt fishing

tor ... it was

. I used to h

ught

A

cigar box, Victo

bald spot; his moustache had become a gentle weed; there was no color in his cheeks; his ch

everal current magazines and paperbacks. Colonel Ronde called B

some lamp

s!" His eyelids lifted and the pupils bored into Orville. "You resemble your dad ... a man I always liked ... i

nking of money, the waste of money ... he was clever with money ... he would not have been able to understan

he was the line's supervisor (five years): he sket

iplane ... to a deserted farm. Ac

ried him: problems that involved the desperate under

and foolha

risals in Marseille and here in little Ermenonville, after the war. Lena was often entrusted with

pened up with me

your peace of mind is shattered ... it's, umm, ah, bad." He smoked thoughtfully.

meaningful; he wanted to continue talkin

, sure, we would accomplish great things--world progress. I hardly knew what Nazism was. Okay. Invasion. Rescue Europe. To hell with

ouses, barns, silos. That was my idea of freedom. If you ask me what freedom is I d

his uncle's face: was he betr

e house, but when it w

've been re-thinking ... why i

k his head, and

ng ... only a matter of weeks. You must manage to stay alive. Look, you are fighting criminals, not soldiers. There's a prison

re in a fireplace and glanced at the clock and then at the m

tionship had pleased almost everyone who knew them: when he radio-phoned General Meade to grant a leave to Orville it

ow, on faith ... my Jean. Can I tell you that there are no r

pale, very sad, she took a rocker beside

ed her loss for the moment; it brought to mind a summer six years ago when there had been a family reunion for her birthday, peo

her crucifix under her pillow, who loved her rosary. It wasn't fear o

e all know that those who go to war are disregarding th

om. They were silent.

was no god to help her through bad times. She felt t

ugh talking to himself. "Her country, the struggle f

losing faith ... and losing her ... our Lena." She rock

imitively carved, its gold leaf badly scaled. An 18th century reliquary of gilt wood--a miniature of gem-like quality--adorned a

s one of them Charles Chabrun, her lover from Paris? Had Claude informed him of Lena's death? As everyone knelt on the kneeling pads Orvil

h chorale on the organ: the room was cold: icy cold: chill seeped from the tiled fl

like this; it meant so much mor

is mother in the back of his mind, writing

r M

ned by this news. You two got along so well together. It is rough these days, but you

ps is engaged in battle after battle; you would not want me to recount that kind of stuff. The war, as I see it, se

ndows, at the ceiling, at the grains in the

rmenonville (even in church) ... I feel impelled to revolt against all things. I hate

had hopes of one kind and another. Those hopes have va

to grasp theological preachment it is due to man's insensate cruelty and nothing I can see ahead cancels

from Ithaca: "

sobbing but he could not put his

on

or friend or society but myself: isn't that th

-French, un-American. They are discoveries that must have bee

tle--a cold, cold day. I remember your portfolio of watercolors of the ruin--charming scenes. I nev

service was

s a nice guy. How's his medical practic

to war. I suppose you attend plays at Willard Straight. Have you seen som

hough very depressed. Lena's death w

wel

s hand on his own; con

sed a kind of f

ace was profes

t to see Victor's f

r really known Lena-the-Maquise; he did not know Therèse or Victor, he did not know

reached out to wh

ve men were watching the pair who were doing the job; one of the wa

ith me," Jea

" he

.. now ...

es

ncut weed strip down the middle, its double row of pines beaded

r relationship: wanted to

warm?"

ld ... the church was

neath my coat. I can't take

to have a picnic at this seas

wed in Paris yes

all

ave snow than

ur

Mercedes. The driver swung wide for an intersecting road and brushed against branches, scr

a fox hole ... death at ten miles an hour ... cremation ... p

rs! More wars! She ought to walk alone, she and her hypodermics and anesthesi

he said, mak

ntly, unable to so m

s normal, able to communicate,

" he exclaimed, re

I am. Is

be better if

do you

t th

job; I work hard. I

d die. They were damn fools to get th

e ... O

d and frightene

nd you sew them togethe

eral ups

battlefield, without

e in his skull. He remembered Chuck and his suicide ... He shud

l be okay soon ... just let m

ld not talk, would not talk: impotence--he knew the meaning and the imp

you ... I'

walke

dened by the funeral, resenting the hospital and its wounded, resenting Dr. Mercier, Dr. Marcuse, Louis ... what a lackluster lot of minor medics: they would never mean anything to her: each day was impersonal: I mu

door onto charcoal smoke and a row of empty tables spread with checkered cloths. A fellow, wearing an apron, appeared from behind an unpainted wooden screen and a

es and sat down--arms elbowed on the red and white sq

a week or a month, doing something useful: it would be exciting to plan a house, and he scrawled the outli

not geared to helping: sleep might help: it was possible to drown in sleep, under illusion and disillusi

ried to talk, Orv

and gulped his win

rned about King Francis, Napoleon, read Victor Hugo and Villon, hated classes: see bronze tablet

nt: some of the doors have scaled: some of the windows are blacked out. Nurses are huddl

the cage of introversion. Trees are bare. Not a person is workin

e or something, a scream, a leaf. Across hedgeless

ds stuffed in his pockets. The one friendly thing was his pocket knife, given

e road, a field mouse in a hea

o

eturn to

o

nette ..

wal

ng. If it rains, keep walking.

where in the night he heard a man's voice.

while?" the

ha

ss you'

N

still play

ho

r mo

and t

opi

om

't you g

all

he doing

ing Fr

e going ba

wa

Join me! You still have

ke that? Orvill

rret gun lowered, the treads silent, the motor noiseless ... inside the tank

slumped be

ke

d and the firelight labelled liquor bottles and a collection of miniatures on a series of shelves. A police dog barked at Orville but a young woman shooed him away with a broom, laughing. She invited Orville to sit d

ng. He hoped he might get some country fare and thought of remaining overnight, if they had a room that wa

estures showing their antagonism. The big fire in the fireplace interested Orville more than the farmers: its bign

... somethi

ave Chablis ... I want somethin

: what's he doing here? Wher

on stew," s

t el

st b

our, beef, potato

abl

es

he talked with the girl as she refilled his glass: he could not return home, he talked about E, about farmers he had known: the girl was about twenty, twenty-two, plain, blo

y?" sh

e would be trapped in the war, a low-

er

and chairs, the farmers left; a lone customer remained. A man who had the appearance of a doctor, ate at a small table,

leased, as he fumbled with the bills, that Claude had provided him with so much. The waitress noticed

have a

ton

toni

just a moment,

eone in the kitchen, and bounced back

you. Come." And she kicked the dog a

a narrow hall. Walls and door

floor. I guess

mind,"

rustic hair, smooth; her loose shoes sucked at her heel

she said, puffing a little.

cluttered a corner, the bed was unmade, its sheets an

I'll make up the bed, fix the room, clean it ... I was suppose

and window frames were warped. The ceiling seemed to dip

ked the room,

," he o

ts. She was silent, quick motioned, angry at this late hour job; she was

d fresh s

sterday ... they'

s he would admire an animal: bi

sighed, settl

ed; it rocked back and forth with a dry sound; with a frown she steadied

tomorrow ... parachute drop ... How about sleepin

I'll sneak you whiskey..." She had a huge smile

," he

... some late custom

ka

his jacket. He stretched out on the cover ... and was asleep instantly. Just before he dropped off he felt the be

and he propped himself on an elbo

" he managed

e ... S

O

e blinked at it. The smell of the cheese helped him wake up. While she was arranging the cups and teapot, he shed his

of anything more to say she was so tired. Now she worri

k late,"

ut not eve

ngr

... you fe

... I

from? ... You

born

menonv

es

O

embering that he had been asleep, he pu

as he gulped the tea, needin

he ate a little cheese and finished the cup and pushed the tray away and b

e to eat,

d, hoping tea and cheese w

r before the bureau mirror: she shook her hair over her shoulders. Her breasts were plump and rosy. She had rose nipples. Her belly was a workin

t outside the inn, revealed the wash stand

r fatigue momentarily aside. She had difficulty arousing him; she wanted him right away; she

I want that money ... you think I'

icked

ped her across the face. Lying on top of her, weighing her down, he fucked her, she was ti

e syphilis he wanted to give it to her. It would leave her something to remember the war by. Then, he realized she could

than masturbation

ing through a dense mist, one bus behind the other, gui

ke; as soon as he was dressed he pulled out his billfold and left her 220 fra

a piece of bread: what if she became pregnant, was the thought and the bread tasted s

and descending the stairs was like passing through a packing box. As he neared Ermenonville, the

p early," she said cheerfu

. mind if I have

offee and croissant ..

ving room,

the taste and smell of it, that tied in with the antiquity of the room, his past, the Chopin bust that was watching, mistrusting him. A second cup. And the coffee brought to mind the room

uld be a thing of the past, like a newspaper, like a comic strip. The cat would jump off the

greasy mechanic's clo

e said, scare

r seen his f

appened?"

u know I had to go

me ... he sai

out making it an interro

fell away from her shoulders, pinioning her hands.

o me,"

inst his chest-of-drawers, he hunted through his pockets for his lighter: no, it was in his jacket. His fingers touched his jackknife. The feel of it helped. "It's quite simple," he s

crude things Orville had said; her love for him had died down, then welled u

e, O

over the fl

wasn't enou

t that."

was it

have to g

you,"

love you,"

you

ows what is going to happen!" He stifled a desire to say that h

me you lov

sn't

italized victims, from their bitterness, their profanity, their cruelty, their shrivelled minds and bodies, s

our things ...

in my chest-of-drawers ... ha

laid a folded shirt in a drawer: he was leaving his home, leaving his birthplace, leaving his Ermenonvill

you," he said, each

e're not much good at letters ... how ca

line on the two

ad gone fishing to

e difficult, contacting the Co

he gazed down on the lawn: Annette was ente

, and Claude'