Memoirs of Emma Courtney

rtant subjects-I forbid you to answer me on paper; and, when you seem inclined to put that period to the present, painful, hig

principles and conduct. A combination of causes, added to the conflict between a thousand delicate and nameless emotions, have lately conspired to confuse, to weaken, my spirits. You can conceive, that these acute, me

mind has been lately involved, would be insupportable:-and I call upon you, now, with a resolution to summon all my fortitude

u were not aware of this-you, who are not unacquainted with the nature of the mind! Still less were you ignorant of the nature of my mind-which I had so explicitly, so unreservedly, laid open! I had a double claim upon your confidence-a confidence, that I was utterly incapable of abusing, or betraying-a confidence, which must have stopped my mind in its career-which would have saved me the bitter, agonizing, pangs I have sustained. Mine were not common feelings-it is obscurity and mystery which has wrought them up to frenzy-truth and certainty would, long ere this, have caused them temporarily to subside into their accustomed channels. You understand little of the human heart, if yo

dour of my temper, that I can conceive but one obstacle, that would be absolutely invincible; which is, supposing that you have already contracted a legal, irrecoverable, engagement. Yet, this I do not sup

subsided, wish to find the sensible, intelligent, friend, take place of the engaging mistress?-Would you not expect the economical manager of your affairs, the rational and judicious mother to your offspring, the faithful sharer of your cares, the firm friend to your interest, the tender consoler of your sorrows, the companion in whom you could wholly confide, the discerning participator of your nobler pursuits, the friend of your virtues, your talents, your reputation-who could understand you, who was formed to pass the ordeal of honour, virtue, friendship?-Ask yourself these questions-ask them closely, without sophistry, and without evasion. You are not, now, an infatuated boy! Supposing, then, that you are, at present, entangled in an engagement which answers not this description-Is it virtue to fulfil, or to renounce, it? Contrast it with my affection, with its probable consequences, and weigh our different claims! Would you have

le with the nature of mind, that so many strong efforts, and reiterated impressions, can have produced no effect upon yours? Is your heart constituted differently from every other human heart?-I have lately observed an inequality in your behaviour, that has whispered something flattering to my heart. Examine yourself-Have you felt no peculiar interest in what concerns me-would the idea of our separation affect you with no more than a slight and common emotion?-One more question propose to yourself, as a test-Could you see me form a new, and more fortunate, attachment, with indifference? If you cannot, without hesitation, answer these questions, I have still a powerful pleader in your bosom, though unconscio

acle its full force. But there remains one method of obviating, even this! I will frankly confess, that could I hope to gain the interest in your heart, which I have so long and so earnestly sought-my confidence in your honour and integrity, my tenderness for you, added to the wish of contributing to your happiness, would effect, what no lesser considerations could have effected-would triumph, not over my principles, (for the individuality of an affection constitutes its chastity) but over my prudence. I repeat, I am willing to sacrifice every inferior consideration-retain your legacy, so capriciously bequeathed-retain your present situation, and I will retain mine. This proposition, though not a violation of modesty, certainly involves in it very serious hazards-It is,

society. Whether you may already have experienced some disappointments of this nature, I will not pretend to determine. I can conceive, that, by many women, a coxcomb might be preferred to you-however t

ment of a very inferior nature-a mere affair of the senses. The arguments which might here be adduced are too obvious t

may, even, affect that of unborn myriads! My spirit is pervaded with these important ideas-my heart flutters-I breathe with difficulty-My friend-I would give myself to you-the gift is not worthless. Pause a moment, ere you rudely throw from you an affection so tried, so respectable, so worthy of you! The heart may be compelled-compelled by the touching sympathies which bind, with sacred, indissoluble ties, mind to mind! Do not prepare for yourself future remorse-when lost, you may recollect my worth, and my affection, and remember them with regret-Yet mistake me not, I have no intention to intimidate-I

ether, insuperable-Or that there is a possibility of their removal, but that time and patience are, yet, necessary to determine their force. In this case, I will not disturb the future operations of

moment, that the blow has been suspended, it has acquired additional force-since it must, at length, descend, it would be

er may be my fate-be happiness yours! Once more,

mm

the dissolution of a thousand air-built fabrics. The day wore tediously away in strong emotion, and strong exertion. On the subsequent morning, I sat, waiting the

to tell you, he had

nto a chair-I sat for some time motionless, every faculty seemed suspended. At

ly one single line! In the morning I had made up my mind to fortitude-i

e to-morrow.' Unconsciously, I exclaimed-'Barbarous, unfeeling, unpitying, man!' A burst of

egree of resentment gave a temporary firmness to my nerves. 'What happiness (I repeated to myself) could I have expected with a man,

nfusedly written; methought there appe

voidable circumstances had prevented an earlier reply.' My swollen heart-but it is enough-'He blamed my impat

aft's Ann