The Man Who Was Afraid

of his shirt unbuttoned, a towel wound round his neck, he sat on a bench under a canopy of verdant cherry-trees, waved

and a rogue! Is there nothing better in the world than eating and drinkin

angrily, his lips twisted with contempt, a

n son, I would have

egan to find the same ideas that were in her books, and this won her over on her father's side, involuntarily causing the girl to prefer his live words to the cold letters of the book. Always overwhelmed with business affairs, always alert and clever, he went his own way alone, an

his son is leading, he would have killed Foma!" said Mayakin, striking

ves it,"

e barked at him, as was necessary. And who

oes it make to you

escribed Foma's behaviour. Evidently he must have be

pree!' said Lubov, confidently, and blus

Lubka! " said Mayakin with humorou

wish to know

, tel

rsisted, and his voice was growing more and m

not do him a

ower - a power, the devils! And I am not the governor, and even he cannot put one's hand out of joint or tie one's tongue. L

ool, a Gymnasium student used to come up

saw him. I know

es

uld come out of him. Even then he stood in the way of other people. A bold boy he

ather, smiled inimica

ho writes for n

ngers against the table and examined his face, which was reflected in the brightly polished bra

newspaper- writers, these terrible Pharisees. They have broken out everywhere, and they are still breaking out, more and more. Whence comes this spoiling of the blood? Fr

ht, papa!" said

u mean by -

e personalities! They don't want anything - all they

flushed, and her eyes looked at her father with so much feeling, a

annot be unselfish. Man will not fight for what belongs not to him, and if he does fight - his name is 'fool,' and he is of no use to anybody. A man must be able to stand up for himself, for his own, then will he attain something! Here you have it! Truth! Here I have been reading the same newspaper for almost forty years, and I can see well - here is my face before

books and in newspapers they defend th

for you to get married? So, there your interest is not defended! Eh! You! Neither

t! I cannot refute you, but I feel that this

ony in life. All are yelling out of tune, in different voices. And not one understands what the other is in need of! There is a mist over everything - everybody inhales that mist, and that's w

Lubov, resting her elbows on the t

eryraw youth believes that he knows everything and was created for the complete arrangement of life - give him, give the rogue freedom! Here, Carrion, live! Come, come, live! Ah! Then such a comedy will follow;

nd, lowering his voice, wen

ill soon grow weak. For his heart is rotten - he, he, he! Here, he, he, he! The dear fellow will be caught by the real, worthy people, by those r

say, your spleens cannot stand a real fire, can they? So - "and, raisin

e'll shake you off the earth, like worms from a tree! Silence, dear fel

arried away by his words, he trembled, closed his eyes now an

ange life wisely, after their own fashion. Then things won't go at ran

n intense look, she sought support for herself in his words and heard in them something similar to what she had read in books, and which seemed to her the real truth. But the malignant, triumphant laughter of her father stung her heart, and th

ght and a desire that unexpectedly flashed through her mind. "

ove angrily, he fixed his keen, small eyes

t of talk

entioned?" said Lubov,

his finger and lowered his head with a gloomy frown. But when he said that he did not want to speak of his so

ore there is trouble in your heads. That's why you are not competent to do anything, and you are unhappy because of this incompetence. Taraska. Yes. He mu

Lubov, eagerly listening

orities over them I'd station the robust peasants. Well, now, honourable gentlemen, you were given to eat and to drink, you were given an education - what have you learned? Pay your debts, pray. Yes, I would not spend a broken grosh on them. I would squeeze all the price out of them - give it up! You must not set a man at naught. It is not enough to imprison him! You transgressed the law, and are a gentleman? Never mind, you must work. Out of a single see

had respectfully removed his cap and bowed to her. There was a hopelessly guilty expression on his

coming from? Wh

id Yefim, stopping short at

e to me. What's the matt

is hand somewhere into the air and hea

herently - what has happened?

isfortune

u been w

od sav

Well, speak

into his chest

ne is altogether missing, so that he must have drowned. About five m

in, measuring the captain

hka, I'll stri

o did it!" said

old man, shaking wi

ster hi

you. Wher

ng in the

u were

bound

ed the old man i

aid he. And when they had bound me, they lowered me into the hatchway, with the sailors. And as the master was drunk, he wanted to have some fun. A fleet of boats was

el

nto us. And as they struck the side of our ninth, we were smashed to p

ober he is silent most of the time, and walks around thoughtfully, but when he wets his springs with wine - then he breaks loose. Then he is not master of himself and of

d Mayakin, sternl

t, he came to himself and at once sent for workmen. They

?" asked Mayakin,

Yefim, softly, glanci

all

ady with him

S

," said Yefim, with a sigh. "She's forever singi

. The wrinkles of his face were painfully quivering, an

entreated caressingly. "May

was smashed? Eh, you! A man is lost! That's what it is! And he is essential to me! I need him, dull devils that you a

of the Volga. He had just awakened from sleep, and lying on the floor, on a bed of fresh hay, in the middl

ey were passing across the sky in an enormous flock. Now forming a solid mass, now breaking into fragment

stream, and now he had been seized by dark waves, that resembled these clouds in the sky; had been seized and carried away somewhere, even as the clouds were carried by the wind. In the darkness and the tumult which surrounded him, he saw as though through a mist that certain other people were hastening together with him - to-day not those of yesterday, new ones each day, yet all looking alike - equally pitiful and repulsive. Intoxicated, noisy, greedy, they flew about him as in a whirlwind, caroused at

e we canAnd then - e'en

wild wave was carrying them. And drowning their fear in wine, they were rushing forward down the current struggling, shouting, doing something absurd, playing the fool, clamouring, clamouring, without ever being cheerful.

s herself mastering its violent course. She seemed to Foma the cleverest person of all those that surrounded him, and the most eager for noise and carouse; she held them all in her sway, forever inventing something new and speaking in one and the same manner to everybody; for the driver, the lackey and the sailor she had the same tone and the same words as for her friends and for Foma. She was youn

a said to h

f money you and I

d at him,

should we

a, astonished by the fact

e asked her at a

you forgott

, the

ou wish to

you about y

I'm from Ooglich. I was a harpist. Well, shall I

t?" asked Fo

he same place, both people and beasts. And what is there that I can tell you about myself? And w

drunk. Sasha sang a peculiar, wonderfully sad song, and Foma, moved by her singing, wept like a child. Then he danced with

e this woman, and that she was unnecessary to him. Certain gray, oppressive thoughts were slowly springing up in his heavy, aching head. It seemed to him as though everything he had lived throu

begun to carouse. Why? I don't know how to

was unable to live as firmly and confidently as other people do. He was now still more tortured. by consc

aid she, althou

e not such a lady of q

he matter

thi

to him, and said laz

ng for me to finish the song. And I was afraid of the dog. And I knew that it would devour me, as soon as I stopped singing. So I kept singing,

rrupted her sternly. "You better

you are awake now," she answ

ly and, throwing his arm behind his head, went on: "That's

en headache," answe

ngly, "don't talk nonsense! Tell me co

he said drily. "Why are you

"Eh, you devils! This is the principal

After a minute's silence, Sasha began t

questions of our kind of women? And on what ground should I think about each and every man?

hed drily

this - and had no de

om the pillow, looked into Foma's

about yourself. It is impossible to say anything true about a man. Who can understand him? Man

m I better?" asked

thing - you beat him. With women you are simple, you are not impuden

s did not s

me the right thing

what you want. But

fter they have r

we do?"

to Nizhni o

at

arou

nt to carou

are you g

? Not

or a long time, withou

character," said Sasha,

et drunk any more!" said Fo

g!" retorted

think - is it good to l

ll

tell me -

at is b

er askance and,

sive words

aven't pleased him!"

No one understands. They are crawling somewhere. And can give no account either to themselves or to others

y: "What have you to do with me? You may take from me

drawled out, with contempt

d was displeased because she did not get angry at him for his words about her soul. Her face looked calm and i

an one who has a soul live as you live? A soul has

on her stockings, but at his words she raised h

u staring at

ay?" said she, without l

use I

- must y

estion. Foma felt intimidated and said, t

d I help

Sasha and resume

hat ab

ere born of two fathers. Do you know

el

f, it means that he is afraid of h

me?" asked Foma

you,

g in the centre of the room, stretched out her hand toward Fo

l it! Only,- who will dare to listen to me, if I should speak at the top of my voice? And I have some words about you,- they're like hammers! And I could knock you all on your heads so that

en it fell over her shoulders in heavy, black locks - th

what wrath I bear against you! And because of this wrath - I am silent! For I fear that if I should sing it to you - my soul would become empty. I would have nothing to live on." Fom

rowing within my soul. Eh, I too sha

?" asked Sash

ed Foma, jumping to his feet. "

var is ready," Sasha

at her and cr

devil! As

I shall. What are

epped out

oisy splash, and all in the froth of wrath. The willow bushes on the shore bent low to the ground - trembling, they now were about to lie down on the ground, now, frightened, t

it goes -

hich is suffocating from exertion, was soaring over the river, falling upon the waves,

The decks of both barges were encumbered with scaffolds, built of thick brown beams; huge sheaves were hanging everywhere; chains and ropes were fastened to them, and rocking in the air;

it goes -

hewing, sawing, driving in nails; and big arms, with shirt sleeves rolled up to the elbows were seen everywhere. The wind scattered splinters of wood, and a varied, lively, brisk noise in the air; the saw gnawed the wood, choking with wicked joy; the beams, wounded by the axes, moaned and groaned drily; the boards

e top of the scaffolding. And from the deck, a large-

ying with his long, flaxen b

us the

shouted as through

ard, you blind devil? Can't you

y boys,

!" cried out some one in

asants, to hew wood, to carry burdens, to command - to compel everybody to pay attention to him, and to show them his strength, his skill, and the live soul within him. But he restrained himself. And standing speechless, motionless, he felt ashamed and afraid of something. He was embarrassed b

g, like a frolicsome goat, scattering about him cheerful, ringing laughter, jests, violent oaths, and working unceasingly, now assisting one, now another, as he was cleverly and quick

gs, arranging the pulleys, preparing to raise the sunken barge from the bottom of the river; all were sound and merry - they all lived. While he stood alone, aside from them, not knowing what to do, not knowing how to do anything, feeling himself superfluous

to me?"The chains clanged, the pulleys groaned, the blows of the axes resounded loud over the river, and the barges rocked from the shocks of the waves, but to Foma it

ace, came up to him and said, not loud, but pronouncing his words with a certain m the bottom of the river. He wished tha

he chains

all together. God bless us!" And suddenly, claspin

her - g

, and all cried out in one voic

go! She

ily. The waves splashed noisily between the barges as though unwilling to give up their prize to the men. Everywhere about Foma, chains and ropes were stretched and they quivered from the strain - they were creeping s

antly. But the ringing voice of the contractor pierced the de

ead, all at onc

l as the river - to blend with this irritating, creaking, squeaking, clanging of iron and turbulent splashing of waves. Perspiration came out on his face

him that he alone, that only his strength was turning the lever, thus raising the weight, and that his strength was growing and growing. Stooping, and lowering his head, like a bull he massed the power of the weight, which threw him back, but yielded to him, nevertheless. Each step forward excited him the more, each expended effort was immediately replaced in him by a flood of burning and vehement pride. His head reeled, his eyes were blood- shot, he saw nothing, he only felt t

it goes -

asten! Hold

st Foma's chest, and h

gnatyich!" the contractor congratulated him and th

ou must be qu

les on their perspiring brows, the peasants approached him and surrounded him closely. He smiled in embarrassment: the excitement within him had

thousand puds as if we plucked a rad

a vedro of whisky

ped all over, it seemed as though it swelled from some terrible disease and, impotent, clumsy, it was suspended between its companions, leaning against them. Its broken mast stood out mournfully in the

ss, and again feeling offended at the thought that merely for the sake of raising

d Foma, indefinitely, a

y of about twenty carpenters to work on it - they'll bring it

w, gaily and broadly smili

ng to have

said the contractor, sternly. "

asants bega

se, he i

sn't eas

ets tired if he i

eat gruel if you a

n were heard the respectful exclamations of the

ikes it, is a p

ust lik

playing wit

red fellow persis

at us to a vedro of vodka, eh?

e to them. But somehow everything became confused in his brain, he found no thought

es no difference to you what you do! You shoul

blue and red, bearded figures began to sigh, scratch themselves, shift themselves

gh. "That wouldn't harm! That is - to thin

t opinion on the matter; smiling kind-

it - we do it! Our business is simple! When a ro

ary to do?" questioned Foma, i

necessary - t

re's the

r class - when you have earned for bread and taxes - liv

th contempt. "You're also tal

h a nod of the head. It now bored him to speak to Foma. He suspected

ded to him, and not noticing the cross, sarcastic glances. "And he

e contractor, eyeing the peasant

. Oh, how tr

ople might regard him in a different light, for he was displeased with the fact that all, save the

yebrows. "Such work that people may say a thousand years

w glanced at Foma with

hen he sniffed and, nodding his head, announ

arcastically. And these smiles stung him like needles. A serious-looking peasant, with a big gray beard, wh

would be forgotten, your Honour. Everything will be forgotten. Life is long. It is not for us to do

d Foma completely; he felt, that the peasants considered him stupid and ridiculous. And in order to save his importance as master in their eyes, to att

esent of three b

ssion. The peasants respectfully made way for Foma, making low bows to him, and, smiling

excitement that had just been aroused in him would not

nk gown, was bustling about the table, arranging wines and refreshments.

, seating herself on the bench, s

it means that you want som

lied Foma, nodding

of it -

nk. Nothing comes o

y and disdainfully, moving away from h

eaning his hands against the bench, he bent forward, loo

pears, without leaving any trace. Then it is dark in the soul as in a cellar - dark, damp and empty - there is nothing at

skance and pensively

d blows - mist co

I'd thrash everybody. I am not pleased with men - what are they? It is impossible to understand them - why do they keep on l

hee, dear, my

wall before her. And Foma

at she was as cold as ice - that she was forever yearning towards something. I am also yearning. Toward men I am yearning. I'd like to go to them and say: 'Brethren, help me! Teach me! I know not how to live!. And if I am guilty -

away from him. The wind was raging outside the window, hurling dust against the window-panes. Cockroaches were rustli

oma, with a sarcas

go to him; perhaps you could sing in unison. And placing he

ght to think of. What are you groaning about? You are disgu

ss? Money? I have plenty of it! I could choke you to death with it, cover you with it. All this business is nothing but fraud. I meet business people - well, and what about them? Their greediness is immense, and yet they purposely whirl about in business that they might not see themselves. They hide themselves, the devils. Try to free them from this bustle - what will happen? Like blind men they will grope about hither and thither; they'll lose their mind - they'll go

good for himself, something severe against men. And feeling that

" inquired Sasha, anxious

ake my godfather - he is wise! He says - create life! But he's the only one like this. Well, I'll ask him, wait! And everybody says - life has usurped us! Life has choked us. I shall

ously. "I think you ought

d Foma, shruggin

eed a

same as you - though you are prettier than she. But I took a liking to a certain lady - a lady of noble birth! They said she led a loose life, but I did not get her. Yes, she was clever, intelligent; she lived in luxury. I used to think - that's where I'll taste the real thing! I did not get her

he bench and paced the hut to and fro, biting her lips. Then she s

w what? I'l

" asked Foma, witho

ow - it's a

t w

ssary things. It is lonesome

ooked at her and burst

Is it p

u say it - for I am also of that sort - when the time comes, I shall also think of all this. And then I

" asked Foma, indifferently,

people are lost. He, whose character is inflexible, and who

d Foma, stretching himself. Then

e no brain

for a minute, e

going to do

t have

in general?

rd? I do

are leav

t. Let's go to Kazan, and there we'll have a spree

. Eh, you devil! That's a merry life! Listen, Sasha. They say

ay," said S

are not greedy. It's advantageous to you to be with me. I am r

udge? Let them say whatever they please. It will be only human talk, not the bellowing of bulls. And human holiness and honesty are quite familiar to me! Eh, how well I know them! If

thers, and Foma was ill at ease as he stood beside her, and felt as though inquisitive glances crawled over his perplexed face. The steamer hissed and quivered as it neared the landing-bridge, which was sprinkled by a waiting crowd of

abin!" said he to hi

from people," replied Sasha, with a smile. "H

omebody is

a milk bottl

d Foma, enraged, looking at her as

how brave

after a close look at the crowd in the harbour his face

s my god

en, with his iron-like face lifted upward, and he waved his cap in the air with malicious po

ma, raising his cap and noddi

The old man somehow coiled himself up, stamped his fee

sha teased Foma. Her words together with his godfather

ayakin disappeared for awhile from the sight of his godson and appeared again with a maliciously triumphant smile. Foma stared at him fixedly, with knitted brow, and came toward him slowly pacing the gang pla

u travelling, F

ied Foma, firmly, withou

arasovich, all beaming with a smile. "The lady w

loud, without lowering his eyes

s loud words, the public looked at them, scenting a scandal. And Mayakin, too, perceived immediately the possibility of a scandal and i

k to you about. Will you

r a litt

st be making haste to wreck another barge, eh?" sai

they can be wrecked?" retorte

you spare them? Well, come. And couldn't we drown tha

the Siberian Inn. I'll be there shortly!" said F

ady! Let

to keep up with him, purposely took longer strides, and the fact that the old man could not keep step with him su

hall of the hotel, and turning toward a remote c

ome cognac,"

better always play the lowest trump fi

e!" said Foma, seating

come! Many pl

ow

do - boldly,

pieces, or the wall broken in half," said Fo

m your drunkenness yet?" a

his chair, and, his face distorte

nsible man. I respect yo

bowed, rising slightly, and lea

ll you that I am no longer twen

ood while, that goes without saying! If a mosquito h

id it so calmly that Mayakin started back, an

come here fo

out whether there's much damage in it! You see, I am a

tell you? Either give me full freedom, or take all my business int

me a perfectly free man, he could go wherever he pleased, do whatever he pleased. Until this moment he had been bound and enmeshed with something, but he knew not his fetters and was unable to break them, while now they were falling off of themselves so simply, so easily. Both an a

not go, this I must not do. I want to live in freedom, that I may know everything myself. I shall search life for myself. For, otherwise, what am I? A prisoner! Be kind, take everything. The devil take it all! Give me freedom, pray! What kind of a mercha

ied. A dull, tavern noise smote the air, some people went past them, they greeted Mayakin, but he saw nothi

eech. "I see you've lost your way. And you're prating nonsense. I would lik

. There were cases where people have cast away a

e near to me!" said Mayakin, sternly, "or e

me saints when

't you? Move from one place to another until you are beaten, and if you're not beaten then you have the

ou want it?" excla

don't belong. Arrange your life after your pattern." And from the dark lips of the old man gushed forth in a trembling, glittering stream the jarring, but confident and bold words so familiar to Foma. Seized with the thought of freedom, which seemed to him so easily possible, Foma did not listen to his

r of the dishes, with the scraping of the lackey's feet along the floor, with some one

uarter - and

trich! H

m two an

to give it, it's a good s

s, I can't. Two

mpanying his words with a rap on the table. "Your boldness is stupidity; all these words of yours are

ide; they were shouting, cursing, falling, crushing one another, and they were all jostling about on one place. He felt bad among them because he did not understand what they wanted, because he had no faith in their words, and he felt that they had no faith in themselv

understand that you want happiness for yourself. Well, my friend, it is not to be easily seized. You must seek happiness even as

suddenly lifting his head, and Mayakin

aside from everything!" entreated Foma. "I will watch how ever

y do you play the fool?"

speak of. Goodbye! I'll set out to work, you'll see! It will afford you joy. Everything will go up in smoke!" Foma was calm, he spoke with confidence; it see

ow how I can d

Now I like the following: I'll return to town and will see to i

ma, distrustfully, but with

everythin

ng a furtive glance at his godfa

t; he won't

rons. Then you will stand. Though I know all these holy words of yours are but ugly caprices that come from excessive drinking. But if you do not give that up, if you keep on behaving

s were smiling sarcastically, coldly. And the wrinkles on his forehead formed an odd pattern, rising up t

e?" asked Foma, gloomily. "Y

e you. Don't worry, it will be right! Y

rusting his hands into his pockets in order not to strike the old man, he straigh

o you live? What for are you accumulating money? Do you think you are not going to die? Well, what then? You've captured me. You've taken hold of me, you've conquered me. But wait, I may yet tear

nk downward, wherefore his face as

f?" asked Foma, softly, witho

the old man in a low voice, castin

ing! And now I'm g

t his cap on his head, and meas

ou! It will come out as I say!" said

n a spree! I'l

ell, we

ou hero," F

I love it. I love you, too. Never mind, you're a good f

not teach me the right thing!" said Foma, as he

terns on the tray, dipping his trembling finger in the spilt kvass, and his sharp-pointed head was sinking lower and l

crown, and as usual the wrinkles on his chee

m the Volga were wafted the whistlings of steamers, the dull beating of the wheels upon the

akov Tarasovich asked him with pe

o I owe for