The Autobiography of Methuselah

his memoirs if he put aught down in them which shall savor of confession. They say that confession is good for the soul, but I have not yet discovered anybo

tain amount of mischief, although intrinsically he came nearer to being a perfect child than anyone yet known to the history of the human race. Thou

ied angrily, summoning the

pale, but courageous, "I cannot tell a

ree, and seizing Zekel by the collar, "in order to impress this date more vivid

rebuke to the boy that forever afterwards the mere association of ideas made i

g to its marked resemblance to an anecdote related of General Washington, in which the youthfu

as been plighted to our confiding maidens, or to our trustful tailors, the result has been the same-they have not been conspicuously present at the date of maturity of their promises. One very distinguished looking old gentleman in particular, who registered from Greece, came here several centuries ago and secured five hundred subscriptions to his book of verses, collected the first instalment, and then faded from the scene and neither he nor his verses have been heard from since. The consequence has been that when any of the young of this community show the slightest signs of poetic genius their parents behave as though the measles had broken out in the family, and do all they can spiritually and physically

ad been reminiscing about the Garden Days, and he had made the remark that when some of the animals cam

I could hardly believe my eyes, and I turned to Eve and asked her with real anxiety, whether or not she saw anything, and, of c

about the funniest looking beast except the shad, I had ever seen, and I prom

n old fello

n the Garde

critters

mandin

or a minute

here had been any way of disappearing I should have faded away instantly, but alas, every avenue of escape was closed, and before I left the room each separate and distinct ancestor had turned me over his knee and lambasted me to his heart's content. In spite of all this discipline, which

with the frequency with which I was punis

THER SP

larruped m

note his e

there acr

t he had

o fill him

worse than y

r on I we

ruth would

'm gug-gug-

has crept into print of late years. A trifle dashed off on a brick with a piece of charcoal one morning shortly after my hundredth birthday, comes back to me. The original I regret

JUNE

y, merry

s at all

he wall o'

the ceil

from the

the win

nces fro

the ca

against th

bles on

the gr

s a strid

he oaken

y flops a

he steps

ly bumps

that he i

o brains.

for if h

ely butt

the poets of our age. I have been unable to find in the literature of Greece, Egypt or the Orient, any reference to this wonderful insect who embodies in his frail physique so much of th

disgrace upo

he art of rhyming began, none of the months escaped my attention, but of all of my ef

O FEB

thee, O

et to hav

e of all

ll our n

e influ

neezes her

poor al

p the bron

bans and

for all

avish stor

g along y

ifts of

ush and ti

ours mild

old and b

as a Ho

owers from

ip them o

rdies from

ze their li

in the morn

izzard on

fever thr

rt of pou

ift and ti

f the ri

ivers in

s, and soa

s wreath

ted un

d stream

rry Month

sion as well, but like all the rest of the poetizing tribe, I sooner or later came under the Greek influence. This

N IN

sh to flou

rite about

tell the

ondrous g

n't begi

very mi

ughts are

ot and hu

ll my try

no deny

ink, poor

ve as fry

to the wood-shed, that Adam expressed the profound conviction that I was born to be hanged, but

business save those who would take shares in his International Marine and Zoo Flotation Company, I endeavored to dissuade him in every possible way from so suspicious an enterprise. Failing to impress my feelings

NE A

built hims

it full o

long a bi

two old

very han

d and hy

tender ca

and a

uinea-pigs

oms off the

several rab

and a gr

t well upon

ere happy

morning ca

old Noah w

a-pigs-O wh

d in plain

y upped and

in Noah mi

ys out he t

ck to the p

self of al

e guinea-p

ere were but

ng on that

t back from

d thousand l

cruise to the top of Mount Ararat to any one who could give him the name of the miscreant who had written the lines, but he has never

as not wanting in success-that is in my own judgment. As a m

s that mark th

each, how marve

tpouring all t

ys, in super

e mind, and vex

details of so

ious, complex,

Joy and Sorr

e seas at event

o the song th

nest matutin

forth for ado

young to feed,

soul laments

ays later read it as a New Thought gem before the Enochsville Society of Ethical Culture. It was there pronounced a great piece of symbolic imagery, and prediction was