Finding Fullness in Quiet

he haze one afternoon, during a m

ore the final,

ia Ste

tair's side, announcing their eng

visiting academics. I was there, helping,

irlwind of expensive perfum

cted, exuding an old-money sophistication th

ntion shifted t

ith a history I hadn't known, a

sweeping over me with a dismissive

l a pang of jealousy so sharp, so unf

ry followed,

sing gala. Alistair

urse, his devoted

too, a patron of th

me by the ref

air, aren't you?" she'd said, her

ur enthusias

of Alistair's colleagues, to subtly mo

rby. He heard. H

d not

ely and turned back

humiliation so profound, a pain so acute, I had t

al emotions had felt like a curse,

of Reflection House, I con

ere was

his emotional blankness

meant the absence of

o the patch-fueled highs and

, empty

ipple disturbed the monotonou

tor. F

ictoria

looking entirely out of place in her des

ng a university benefactor nea

pointments," she said, her eyes scanning the

from Professor Finc

air, of their plan

tion – tears, anger, some s