Catherine: A Story

licanising, restoring, re-restoring, play-writing, sermon-writing, Oliver-Cromwellising, Stuartising, and Orangising, to be

there was a queen in England, with such rogues for Ministers as have never been seen, no, not in our own day; and a General, of whom it may be severely argued, whether he was the meanest miser or the greatest hero in the world; when Mrs. Masham had not yet put Madam Marlborough's nose out of joint; when people

s, which, since they are strictly in accordance with the present fashionable style and taste; since they have been already partly described in the "Newgate Calendar

andment; though it may, on the one hand, be asserted that only vain coxcombs would dare to write on subjects already described by men really and deservedly eminent; on the other hand, that these subjects have been described so fully, that nothing more can be said about them; on the third hand (allowing, for the sake of argument, three hands to one figure of speech), that the public has heard so much of them, as to be quite tired of rogues, thieves, cutthroats, and Newgate altogether;-though all these objections may be urged, and each is excellent, y

yship is aware, is

y's Prison

her; or whether Sarah Jennings and her husband wanted to make a fight, knowing how much they should gain by it;-whatever the reason was, it was evident that the war was to continue, and there was almost as much soldiering and recruiting, parading, pike and gun-exercising, flag-flying, drum-beating, powder-blazing, and military enthusiasm, as we can all remember in the year 1801, what time the Corsica

the same manner with Farquhar's heroes. They roamed from Warwick to Stratford, and from Stratford to Birmingham, persuading the swains of Warwickshire to leave the plough for

claim to the majestic title of Briton. His name was Peter Brock, otherwise Corporal Brock, of Lord Cutts's regiment of dragoons; he was of age about fifty-seven (even that point has never been ascertained); in height about five feet six inches; in weight, nearly thirteen stone; with a chest that the celebrated Leitch himself might envy; an arm that was like an opera-dancer's leg; a stomach so elastic that it would accomm

yed him as a fifer in the General's own regiment of Coldstreamers, when they marched from Scotland to London, and from a republic at once into a monarchy. Since that period, Brock had been always with the army, he had had, too, some promotion, for he spake of having a command at the battle of the Boyne; though probably (as he never mentioned the fact) upon the losing side. The very year before this narrative commences, he had been one of Mordaunt's forlorn hope at Schellenberg, for which servi

ide, Gustavus Adolphus Maximilian found himself among them; and at the epoch when this story commences, had enjoyed English pay for a year or more. It is unnecessary to say how he exchanged into his present regiment; how it appeared that, before her marriage, handsome John Churchill had known the young gentleman's mother, when they were both penniless hangers-on at Charles the Second's court;-it is, we say, quite useless to repeat all the scandal of which we are perfectly masters, and to trace step by step the events of his history. Here, however, was Gustavus Adolphus, in a small inn, in a small village of Warwickshire, on an autumn evening in the year 1705; and at the very moment when this history begins, he and Mr. Brock, his corporal and friend, were seated at a round table before the kitchen-fire while a small groom of the establishment was leading up and down on the village green, before the inn door, two black, glossy, long-tailed, barrel-bellied, thick-flanked,

ir smart saddles and shining bridles, that it would have been a pity to deprive them of the pleasure of contemplating such an innocent spectacle. Over the Count's horse was thrown a fine red cloth, richly embroidered in yellow worsted, a very large count's coronet and a cipher at the four corners of the covering; and under this might be seen a pair of gorgeous silver stirrups, and above it, a couple of silver-mounted pistols reposing in bearskin holsters; the bit was silver too, and the horse's head was decorated with many smart ribbons. Of the Corporal's steed, suffice

bustle, and calling for the best. He then discoursed to some of his own companions regarding the merits of the horses; and the parson, a learned man, explained to the villagers, that one of the travellers must be a count, or at least had a

the inn, and the elder and stouter was seen to smile at his companion; after which he strolled leisurely over the green, an

think I heard him calling out for a ride, and whether he should like my horse, or his Lordship's horse, I am sure it is all one. Don't be afraid, sir! the horses are not tired

hich horse?" said Doct

rince, sir, gave it me after Blenheim fight, for I had my own legs carried away by a cannon

Doctor. "Gracious goodness! thi

I mean, sir; and the Prince gave me

other horse and said, "THAT horse, sir-good as mine is-that horse, with the silver stirrups, is his Excellency's horse, Captain Count Maximilian Gustavus Adolphus von Galgenstein, captain of horse and of the Holy Roman Empire" (he lifted here his hat with muc

re that there are before you, AT THIS MOMENT, two other living beings who bear these venerated names! My boys, stand forward

se that, with your reverence and your ladyship's leave, William Nassau here shall

much gravity, the two little boys were lifted up into the saddles; and the Corporal leading on

that the christening of the quadrupeds had only taken place about two minutes before the dragoon's appearance on the green. For if the fact must be confessed, he, while seated near the inn w

upon the gentlemen in the parlour, while the landlady was employed in cooking their supper in the kitchen. This young person had been educated in the village poor-house, and having been pronounced by Doctor Dobbs and the schoolmaster the idlest, dirtiest, and most passionate little m

the custom of the inn had also increased vastly. When there was a debate whether the farmers, on their way from market, would take t'other pot, Catherine, by appearing with it, would straightway cause the liquor to be swallowed and paid for; and when the traveller who proposed riding that night and sleeping at Coventry or Birmingham, was asked by Miss Catherine whether he would like a fire in his bedroom, he generally was induced to occupy it, although he might before have vowed to Mrs. Score that he would not for a thousand guineas be absent from ho

ad been wrought instantaneously on her appearance: for whereas at that very moment the Count was employed in cursing the wine, the landlady, the wine-grower, and the English nation generally, when the young woman entered and (choosing so to interp

e latter, and in the course of fifty years of military life had learned to look on the most dangero

r is a lord; as good as a lord, that is; for all he

u are joking a poor country girl, as all you soldier gentlemen do; b

ering courage, "how do you kno

I mean Catherine, i

shouting with many oaths that she was right at fir

ngry; but whether at the sight of innocence so outraged, or the insolence of the Corporal for daring to help himself first, we cannot say. "Hark ye, Mr. Brock," he cried very fiercely, "I will suffer no such liberties in my presence: remember, it is only my con

ession on Mr. Brock, as indeed there was no reason that it should; for the Corporal, at a combat of fisticuffs, could have pounded his commander into a jelly in ten minutes;

good reason, eh, Peter? But never fear, man; h

Miss Catherine condescended to put her lips to the Captain's glass; who swore that the wine was thus converted into nectar; and alth

my Lord," and "La, Captain, how can you flatter one so?" and "Your honour's laughing at me," and made such polite speeches as are used on these occasions, it was manifest from the flutter and blush, and the grin of satisfaction which lighted up the buxom features of the little country beauty, that the Count's first operations had been highly successful. When following up his attack, he produ

now, that red-haired girl along with Thomas Curtis: she's seventeen if she's a day, though he is the very first sweetheart she has had. Well, as I am saying, I was bred up here in the village-father and mother died very young, and I was left a poor orphan-well, bless us! if Thomas haven't kissed her!-to the care of Mrs. Score, my aunt, who has been a mother to me-a stepmother, you know;-and I'v

ar?" said the Cap

such a mortal fine gold coach; or, at least, like the parson, Doctor

those his

e village community, who, as they are not necessary to our story, need not be described at full length. It was when, from the window, Corporal Brock saw the altercation between the worthy divine and h

n of humbler rank in the village were placed upon "George of Denmark" and "William of Nassau;" the Corporal joking and laughing with all the grown-up people. The women,

was the man whom Mrs. Catherine had described as her suitor), who had laughed

Bullock, stated that his wages amoun

ave seen them in Turkey and America,-ay, gentlemen, and in the country of Prester John! Yo

essed, who seemed astounded at the

field of grass; and when the sun has scorched the eyes out of your head, and sweated the flesh off your bones, and well-nig

nly Su

get mone

, s

get beer

said Mr. Bullock

oney, boy! there are twenty pieces in this purse: and how do you think I got 'em? and how do you think I shall get ot

iment to this speech of the Corporal's: but it was remarked that the greater part of t

Jack Churchill himself has shaken this hand, and drunk a pot with me: do you think he'd shake hands with a rogue? Here's Tummas Clodpole has never had beer enough, and here am I wi

m back to the "Bugle," to regale upon the promised beer. Among the Corporal's guests was one young fellow whose dress would show that he was somewhat better to do in the world than Clodpole and the rest of the sunburnt ragged troop, who were marching towards the alehouse. T

hou'lt goo anywhere Catty Hall is,

to spend as good as

Bugle,' did thee ever spend a shilling in the house? Thee wouldn't

thy arm. Mr. Hayes, you're a hearty cock, I make no doubt, and all such are welcome. Come along, my gentleman farmers, Mr. Brock shall have the honour to pay for you all." And with this, Cor

nce careful of his money and a warm admirer of Mrs. Catherine of the "Bugle:" and both the charges were perfectly true. Hayes's father was reported to be a man of some substance; and young John, who was performing his apprenticeship in the village, did not fail to talk very big of his pretensions to fortune-of his entering, at the close of his indentures, into partnership with his father-and of the comfortable farm and house over which Mrs. John Hayes, whoever she might be, would one day preside. Thus, next to the barber and butcher, and above even his own master, Mr. Hayes took rank in the village: and it must not be concealed t

ried in vain to wean him from this passion, and had made many fruitless attempts to engage him with women who possessed money and desired husbands; but Hayes was, for a wonder, quite proof against their attractions; and, though quite ready to acknowledge the absurdity of his love for a penniless alehouse servant-girl, nevertheless persisted in it doggedly. "I kn

rine did not say no: she was too prudent: but she was young and could wait; she did not care for Mr. Hayes yet enough to marry him-(it did not seem, indeed, in the young woman's nature to care for anybody)-and she gave her adorer flatte

unnatural at her early age. The ladies-Heaven bless them!-are, as a general rule, coquettes from babyhood upwards. Little SHE'S of three years old play little airs and graces upon small heroes of five; simpering misses of nine make attacks upon young gentlemen of twelve; and at sixteen, a well-grown girl, under encouraging

ball-the corpse of a glorious hope that seemed once as if it would live for ever, so strong was it, so full of joy and sunshine: there, in your writing-desk, among a crowd of unpaid bills, is the dirty scrap of paper, thimble-sealed, which came in company with a pair of muffetees of her knitting (she was a butcher's daughter, and did all she could, poor thing!), begging "you would ware them at collidge, and think of her who"-married a public-house three weeks afterwards, and cares for you no more now than she does for the pot-boy. But why multiply instances, or seek to depict the agony of poor mean-spirited John Hayes? No mistake can be greater than that of fancying such great emotions of love are only felt by virtuous or exalted men: depend upon it, Love, like Death, plays havoc among the pauperum tabernas, and sports with rich and poor, wicked and virtuous, alike. I have often fancied, for instance, on seeing the haggard pale young old-clothesman, who wakes the echoes of our street with his nasal cry of "Clo'!"-I have often, I said, fancied that, besides the load of exuvial coats and breeches under which he staggers, there is another weigh

rneath the surface of that calm flesh-mountain-who

t understand THEN, why, small praise to his brains. Hayes could not bear that Mr. Bullock should have a chance of seeing, and perhaps making love to Mrs. Catherine in his absence; and tho

he black horse. As for poor Tummas Bullock, his passion was never violent; and he was content in the present instance to sigh and drink beer. He sighed and drank, sighed and drank, and drank again,

sked past him with the Captain's supper, she, pointing to the locket that once reposed on the breast of the Dutch lady at the Brill, looked archly on Hayes and said, "See, John, what his Lordship has given me;" and when John's f

under the spell of the Corporal; and hope, glory, strong beer, Prince Eugene, pair of colours, more strong beer, her blessed M

the two parties occupying the kitchen-which, as the parts were sung together, duetwise, formed together some very curious harmonies. Thus, while the Captain was whispering t

nderfully well?-and a grey hat with a blue feather-and a pretty nag to ride on-and all the soldiers to present arms as you pass, and say, "The

the next day by Surgeon Splinter of ours,-where do you think, s

ornament a lady's face wondrously-and a leetle rouge-though, egad! such peach-cheeks as yours don't w

-devils, sword and pistol, cut and thrust, pell-mell came tumbling into the redoubt! Why, sir, we left in three minutes as many artillerymen's heads as there were cannon-balls. It was, "Ah sacre!" "D--

my vitals, my dear, but there was a lady at Warwick's Assembly (she came in one of my Lord's coaches)

noble General. I stepped up. "How many heads was it," says he, "that you cut off?" "Nineteen," says I, "besides wounding several." When he heard it (Mr. Hayes, you don't drink) I'm blest if he didn't burst into tears! "Noble noble fellow," says he. "Marshal, you must excuse m

d snuff-box? Wauns, but t

he didn't. Could you but have seen the smile on Jack Churchill's grave face at this piec

e room was in titters at Jack's blunder; for, as you know very well, poor Lady

gle-giggle: he! he! he! Oh

aw! Well you be a foony m

as on the point of yielding, when he was rescued by the furious charge of a detachment that marched to his relief: his wife namely, who, with two squalling children, rushed into the "Bugle," boxed Butcher's ears, and kept up such a tremendous fire of oaths and screams upon the Corporal, that he was obliged to retreat. Fixing then her claws into Mr. Butcher's hair, she proceeded to drag him out of the premises; and thus Mr. Brock was overcome. His attack upon John Hayes was a still greater failure; for that young man seemed to be invi

s furnished with those articles by the landlady herself: and, during the half-hour in which he was employed in consuming this drink, Monsieur de Galgenstein looked very much disturbed and out of humour, and cast his eyes to the door perpetually; but no Catherine came. At last, very sulk

orship; but our best room has two beds, and Mr. Corporal is in that, locked and double-locked, with his three tipsy rec

re going to sit up, eh? It'

of our Cat's bed; as I always do when there's compa

not eat with much satisfaction; but Mr. Bullock and his friend betrayed no sign of discontent, except such as may be consequent upon an evening's carouse. They walked very contentedly to be registered before Doctor Dobbs, who was al

to run up-with my Lord's boots-with the hot water-to show Mr. Brock the way; who sometimes condescended to officiate as barber. But on all these occasions Mrs. Score had prevented her; not scolding, but with much gentleness and smiling. At last, more gentle and smiling than ever, s

after the manner of horseboys; and there she learned that Mrs. Score had been inventing an ingenious story to have her out of the way. The ostler

uld ride immediately to Stratford; and when, on ordering his horses, he had asked politely of the landlady "why the d-- SHE always came up, and why she did not send the girl," Mrs. Score informed the Count that her Catherine was gone out for a walk a

ock made a military salute, which clumsily, and with much grinning, the recruits imitated. "I shall walk on with these brave fellows, your honour, and meet you at Stratford," said the Corporal. "Good," said the Captain, as he mounted. The landlady curtseyed; the children hurrah'd more; the little horse-boy, who held the bridle with one hand

maid to have their way, and meet but for a minute before recruits, sergeant, and all, it is pr

tingling red into his cheeks, and made his heart to go thump-thump! against his side. A young lass was sauntering slowly along the footpath, with a basket swinging from one hand, and a bunch of hedge-flowers in the other. She stopped once or twice to add a fresh one to her nosegay, and might hav

ine had giv

ep came ble

ew it would

lking out

, sir, on th

walked t

jolly lov

nswered n

mark" began chewing of such a salad as grew there. And now the Captain slid off stealthily; and smiling comically, and hitching up his great jack-boots, and moving forward with

ur very humb

) gave a scream and a start, and would have turned pale i

ow you DID

ugh, I'd die rather than frighten you. Gad,

se, sir, I was going to fetch a chicken for your Lordship's breakfast, as my mistress said you would like one; and I thought, instead of g

ve me-I was so dru-I mean I ate such a good supper last night-and I bade her to send me a pot of sm

reature? Oh, what a naug

was not to see you any more; and I was mad with

pray, PR

sake, my s

h a poor girl as me can p

? Hell and fury, if I do live I'm miserable without you; I am,-y

r having finished his meal in the hedge, he first looked towards his master and paused, as it were, irre

infantry under Mr. Brock. The moment he was out of sight of the village, that gentleman had desired the blacksmith to dismount, and had himself jumped into the saddle, maintaining the subordination of his army by drawing a pistol and swearin

e pair; but the Corporal graciously saluted Mrs.

ng way, "but not for RUNNING. I do protest-ha!-and vow that I really can

therine made no sort of reply, but protested once more she should die of running. If the truth were told, she was somewhat vexed at

ake? By heavens! you shan't walk a step farther. No, you shall ride back with a guard of honour! Back to the village, gentlemen!-rightabout face! Show those fellows, Corpo

still holding on to the rein as the horse began to

dful oath at Thomas, struck him across the face and hands with his riding whip. The poor fellow, who at the first cut still h

ore a grey hat, with a blue feather, and red riding-coat trimmed with silverlace. But Thomas was then on a bare-backed horse, which Corporal Brock was flan

y peccadilloes make one interested in them; and their naughtiness becomes quite sacred, so deliciously is it described. Now, if we ARE to be interested by rascally actions, let us have them with plain faces, and let them be performed, not by virtuous philosophers, but by rascals. Another clever class of novelists adopt the contrary system, and create interest by making their rascals perform virtuous actions. Against these popular plans we here solemnly appeal. We say, let your rogues in novels act like rogues, and your honest men like honest men; don't let us have any juggling and thimble-rigging with virtue and vice, so that, at the end of three volumes, the bewildered r