Lost in love

It's 7 am on Monday - my first day of work - although I am on time to get to my workplace, I am very anxious to see my Kim Namjoon, I had not seen him or communicated with him for more than a year.

Since he was picked up by a record label, I couldn't see him anymore, he always had commitments and when he came to my aunt's (Namjoon's mom) house, he was sleeping.

My family consists of my father, my mother, my older brother and me. My family after several difficult years, now has a big business in technology that my brother is now taking care of. Now that they are sure that my brother will take over the small business and with the things I have suffered, my family allows me to study whatever I want and travel wherever I want, so they did not oppose my first job as part of the Bts team (which had nothing to do with what I studied) and as they knew that Namjoon would be there I would be fine. Since he always protected me.

Anyway. Here I am on the bus going to work.

I spent hours choosing my clothes to look nice for Namjoon and after analyzing my closet a thousand and one times I decided for this: beige pantyhose, a black skirt, booties of the same color and a white long sleeve blouse.

And here I am arriving at my destination very nervous.

Already at the Bts practice place

- Guys! Work team! Meet Eun-Yeong. The girl who is going to be my assistant or right hand from now on. Since I have a lot of work to do, I will need her help. Right now I have to go but I need you Shin -said the manager pointing to a black-haired girl- to contextualize her with what we do here and how we do it.

- Yes sir! - says the black-haired girl

Manager leaves.

Everyone began to approach me to greet me, ask me where I was from, how old I am, and other things.

After a while

- Okay, let her breathe! -The black-haired girl exclaims, -Come on Eun-Yeong, I need to tell you everything you have to do.

I followed her and after a few hours we were done.

Manager arrived and told me to follow him.

We arrived at a door which when it opened showed me seven sweaty guys concentrating on some dance steps, and boy did they look cool.

We couldn't wait for them to finish their dance since we had so many places to go, so Manager decided to introduce me to them already at home.

Apparently, they were more focused than usual, so much so that they didn't even notice our arrival. Which didn't disappoint me much because although I wanted to see Namjoon's reaction to seeing me after such a long time, I was delighted to watch him in all that time.

Night came and I was physically and mentally exhausted.

We literally went all over Seoul, and the kids have a lot of events that cause a lot of preparations where I have to be with the Manager.

Anyway, I came here to work and well, to see my Namjoon which makes me happy.

- Why do you think you laugh so much? - asks the red-haired girl expectantly.

- On how great it is to have this job,- I answered with a smile.

She smiled half-heartedly

- I hope they think the same after the month,- she commented with the same smile.

Apparently it was heavier than I imagined.

We were on our way to Bts' house since we had to tell him the details we had been arranging and other things, and after that I could go home to rest. But of course, I was in a hurry to go to Bts' house not to give the details but to see my Namjoon.

At Bts' house.

Hello, guys, please come out,- shouts the Manager when he notices that there is no one in or around the room.

The first one that arrives is JungKook concentrating on a very professional camera, followed by Suga and Jimin who came with an incredible laziness, Jin concentrating on his phone laughing his head off (apparently what he saw was very funny), Tae and Jhope came talking and lastly Nanjoom who came writing on his phone.

- Ok everyone is here. I have several announcements, first, meet my assistant Eun-Yeong,- she says pointing while looking at the guys- Eun-Yeong meet the guys.

- Hi Eun-Yeong! -they all greeted me except for Nam (Namjoon just looked at me from head to toe without speaking).

- Well now let's go to the other announcements, Eun-Yeong commenting on the details,-says the Manager.

I was lost looking at my Namjoon, my cute Namjoon who was dressed in a white shirt and pants.

He looked so cute, he looked like an angel.

- Mmm, -the Manager cleared his throat, snapping me out of my trance.

- Oh yes, we have the following...

After an hour talking about the details, explaining along with the Manager the agenda and stuff, I can go home, although what I want is to talk to Namjoon, he apparently had things to do, so he left before I left.

I'm walking out of the building towards the bus station, when a hand pulls me, which makes me surprised.

- Hey - she exclaimed angrily.

- Sh! Let's talk,- Namjoon says to me.

Yes, it was my amazing Namjoon who surprised me.

We walked to the back of the building until he stopped.

- What the hell are you doing here? -he says with some anger in his voice.

Damn, he didn't like my presence.

He didn't expect me here," I thought, "or rather he didn't want me here, which is much worse.

- I-i-i -couldn't articulate a word-.

- I come back and repeat, what are you doing here!

His anger was evident, why has he changed so much in so few months?

- I'm-I'm-I'm sorry, if my presence bothers you- I said, looking at my clasped hands.

I knew I couldn't look him in the eyes or he would definitely cry.

- Quit this job, I don't want you around.

- Why?

- Because I don't! -I shout, startled.

- There's no way I can stay?

- Why do you want to stay? -I ask. Is it because of me?

- Of course not," I lied, "it's just that it's my first job and I want to do everything right.

He was silent for a few minutes that seemed like centuries, the atmosphere was heavy between us and I didn't know why, I didn't understand why he had changed so much, but it wasn't time to ask him.

- Okay, you can stay, but if I want to tell you something, you will do everything by yourself, if something happens to you, I won't care, we are simple acquaintances in our meetings at home, but here don't even talk to me unless it is absolutely necessary.

- Namjoon," I looked him in the eyes, holding back the tears that announced his departure.

- No, here I am Rm," he answered, "Namjoon is only called Namjoon by those closest to me.

But we grew up together," I thought.

- And you are just an acquaintance," he left.

I'm thankful he left, because if he had lasted a few more minutes I would have seen the river of tears running down my cheeks.

Where did that cute Namjoon who protected me from everything go? Why is he like that with me now? What did I do to him to make him treat me like that?

I really don't know, but even though I want to accept his words and act as he wishes I cannot.

Hours later

I arrived home, dead tired and in pain.

I went into my room to get my pajamas, went to the bathroom, took a bath and put on my pajamas.

I lay down to try to sleep, but the pain in my chest was stronger than I could describe.

Why is he treating me like this? If a year ago everything was perfect between us. I suffered because of what happened, but he doesn't know that. I asked for time and I walked away because I needed him to heal, not because I didn't love him, so why is he like this with me?

- Why did he change so much? -I said as tears streamed down my cheeks.

I didn't even bother to wipe them away anymore, I knew this night would be long and it was.