HEZEKIAH

"No Yaande, It's over!", He yelled with a straight face and unfaltering tone.

I had mixed feelings. I was happy yet insecure. I was free yet imprisoned. I was surprised yet disappointed. I was in bondage. An enslaved captive yet free. The unconditional condition. The unlimited limit.

" Katlego, you can not leave. We can always work this out. How about Tristan?", I asked as tears began to well up in my eyes.

I didn't understand myself. I was betraying myself yet again. I promised myself to never get into an abusive relationship. I promised myself that the father to my child would be my husband. I promised myself I would be Katlego's wife.

I made promises I thought would keep. I became miserable and that was reason enough to leave. But I didn't want to yet again. I had a son who needed his father around.

Katlego was the sweetest nightmare I ever came across. He was the man every woman wanted and wished was in bed with. He was spectacularly handsome. Handsome as hell, they would say. He was your biggest temptation both by looks and romance.

Above working for the office of the president, being good-looking and hard-working, he was abusive.

He was never smoking or drinking but he was almost always beating me. Several times, I would land in the hospital and would end up giving lame excuses of falling off the stairs or being run over by a random vehicle. I loved him so much it hurt.

Let me tell you a bit about Kat and me.

I met him at a church seminar and we talked endlessly from that day onwards. He completed my sentences and understood me very well. He was the male version of whom I was. A year into our relationship, I fell pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Tristan.

Tristan is our first child together. He is three and a half years old. He is a very bright and joyful kid. We are the happiest and most satisfied parents alive. And to imagine that all this may sink overnight? I wasn't willing to let go.

I had planned to leave Kat long ago but every time I brought up the topic, I'd get sandwiched between his punches. I slowly got used to being beaten and tossed around but I had to think of Tristan.

Do not get me wrong, Kat was a very good father. He was responsible, loving, and supportive in all honesty. But then again, My son couldn't grow in such an environment.

"You can stay with Tristan ... I'll be sending child support every month', He said as I snapped back into reality.

It wasn't about the money. That's one thing he never seemed to understand from the beginning.

I had been cohabiting with him despite having my own home. I had a small cabin I lent out to one of my friends. Over a year ago, the government was selling some property and I got a loan to buy the cabin.

" So I'm moving out?", I asked a little surprised yet expecting no answer.

This was going to be a little different. I'd need to readjust most of the things around me.

" You can go with everything we ever bought together, I will get new stuff by the end of the month", he said lifting the cloud of silence between us.

" I'll move out immediately. Excuse me ", I said, expecting him to beg me to stay back.

I excused myself and headed to the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and met me. Was I ready? Or was I just playing myself?

I sat on the closed toilet seat and asked myself if that's what I wanted.

Was I not worth it? Could he be seeing someone else? Did I do something wrong? I had endless questions.

Quickly, I unlocked my phone and dialled my best friend - Yvette's number.

Her phone rang thrice before she finally answered.

" Hello, Yaande? How are you? How's everything ? ", I heard her say on the other end of the call.

" Hey ... I am ok and how are you? ", I responded.

She was in an environment with a crispy sound. She must have been frying something.

" I am okay thanks. What are you up to? ", she asked.

" Umm... Nothing... I just wanted to let you know that I'll be moving out of Kat's house and I'll need to move back in that side ", I said in a faltering tone.

" That's okay. You'll find me ", she said with so much joy in her tone.

" Ok. Later ", I said with so much relief.

" Later ", she replied.

I hang up the phone yet so embarrassed. Yvette may have sensed that something is wrong. I'd never know.

I turned the water on and washed my hands. I stepped out of the lavatory pretending all was well.

I went to the room I shared with Kat. I found him playing with Tristan who had now awakened. He was tickling him, something he loved to do to our dear son.

" Hey prince '', I said with opened arms as I stood in the doorway. Tristan quickly jumped off the bed and ran towards me. I quickly lifted him and kissed his forehead twice.

Kat agitatedly stood up when he recognized my presence back into the room. I could swear he was uncomfortable, it was like the ground should open up and swallow him. The whole room went quiet and it became awkward.

" Yvette said she'll be back in two days ", I lied and said to cure the silence in the room.

I was trying to buy time. Kat was a vulnerable man deep inside his heavily built body. I knew this once I was his. All the toughness was a major cover-up. He didn't want people penetrating his inner man and knowing his weaknesses.

He nodded his head to let me know he understood and walked towards me.

" Can I pass ? '', he asked sheepishly.

I sheepishly moved to the side with Tristan still in my arms, giving way to the man of my dreams.

" Hungry, aren't you?", I asked Tristan as we walked towards the bed. I lay him down and he giggled.

" I'm going out! ", I heard Kat shout in the next room.

" Can I get him ready and you drop him off by his grandmother's? I'll pick him after I've settled'', I shouted back in an unsure tone. The possibility of my request being granted was either one or zero.

Silence fell.

"Twenty minutes babe ... Yaande I mean", He said regressively.

I quickly packed a bag of clothes for him that would last three and a half weeks to the most. I wasn't sure how my settlement would be with Yvette.

I wasn't ready to expose Tristan to any other or more toxic environments. Kat was enough to poison my son. Yvette shouldn't, I should hope.

I packed all that was necessary. I was sure he would be safe and comfortable at his grandmother's place for now. This allowed me to heal and read the atmosphere at Yvette's.

I gave my mom a quick phone ring to let her know about the recent development but her phone went unanswered. I did the trial three times and it was still unanswered. She must have been busy, I suspected.

Kat came into the room just on time.

" She didn't answer", I said without looking at him.

"I'll call her on our way, if not ... I'll explain when I get there ", He said lowly.

Explain what? That he is leaving me? Or that I am moving out?

He put his hand on my shoulder and moved closer to me.

" You're not the problem, this just can't work ", he said in a whisper.

"Mom, are you coming with us?", Tristan interrupted before I could answer Kat.

I knelt and offered a hug with my arms spread wide. It was time I comforted the truth.

" Mommy has work to do, ok? But I'll come to see you soon. You're going to be with grandma. Your cousins Luyando, Mary, Chimwemwe, and Destiny are around", I said trying to cheer my son up into an understanding.

I hugged him tightly like this was the last time I'd see him. He meant the world to me and I expressed it in the hug I offered, hoping he understood.

"I love you so much, momma. I do, he said.

" I love you so much", I said as I kissed his forehead.

"Please get him something to eat on your way ", I told Kat.

He nodded in agreement and motioned his hand towards Tristan to give him a go-ahead.

I walked them out to the door and saw them off. I saw both my worlds leave. My small world's hand in my big world's hand. The most important man in my life. This was the last time I'd see them together this way.

Things were changing for the worst. I didn't see a world without Kat. He was entirely in my vision and plans as an individual. And this was the time I had to start eliminating him. I had to accept the change that was due.

Immediately they drove off, I closed the door behind me, almost sobbing. I was on a rollercoaster of emotions.

This was the beginning of my world crashing down before my very eyes. I did not know if being strong was an option at this point. But I just had to.

I had work to do. I needed to pack and leave. Not immediately but I needed to mentally arrange for transportation of my goods. All the calculations were needed.

I just had a lot to do. I'm a worrier and all this wasn't helping any in any way.