Lily

CHAPTER ONE

THE CITY OF LAGOS

SADE

"Sade, what is bothering you so much?" Toyin asked me.

Toyin has been my only friend since I moved out of my mom's house. I couldn't bear what I went through in that house anymore; no one was willing to understand me. Everyone called me a liar, everyone...till I met Toyin. Just like me, Toyin suffered the same thing as I did with my mom although her story differs too. She was the one who took me off the streets and provided me with a roof to lay my head under.

"Sade? Ki lo de naw?" What is the problem? She asked, while she rubbed my shoulder.

"I'm just tired of everything really." I said before I stood up and walked the other side of the room. "When will everything get better? I'm sorry I don't mean anything but look at where we stay. Look how much you work every day and you can only get what to use to feed. I feel even worse not being able to help as much as I want." I slumped on the clothed chair, the only chair in the one room apartment we lived.

Toyin stood from the mattress which was laid on the ground to the chair. "Don't tell me we're on this same issue again?" She asked.

"Yes!" I said as tears threatened to drop, "I-I'm tired."

"Sade-- we'll see through this together okay?" She hugged me with so much care and affection. "I'm going to see the chief today, and hopefully he'll give me enough money for the week okay? I love you ore mi" she said as she unwraps her arms from her embrace.

"You be careful okay, Toyin." I said. Although Toyin didn't tell me what she was doing, somewhere in me knew even though I did not want to believe. So I always told her to be careful.

"Yes ahn-- my friend you worry too much," She said smiling. "Oya come and lock the door and don't allow anyone enter the house o, abeg."

"Okay. Please be careful. You know it's late too." I told her again.

"I have heard you ma." She said as she laughed rushing out into the corridor.

I didn't like being alone because it made me remember things I didn't want to, things like my step-father, and what that man did to me. I can never forget the first day he did it to me. I was just 12 years old, my mom and older brother were in the hospital.

I saw my step-dad in his car approaching me as I stood outside the school gate.

"Good afternoon sir." I said to him.

He unbuckles his seat belt then stretches to open the door for me. "Afternoon my daughter, how was school?"

"It was---okay sir. We didn't do a lot today because of the election." I said after I got in and jammed the door.

"Election." He said as he turned the car to head home.

"Yes sir. Our SS3 students were being elected for various prefect-ship posts."

"Oh-- okay," he took a deep breath in then out, "Sade, there's something I want to tell you, and you have to promise you won't cry."

I already wasn't feeling easy with what he said. Did anything happen? Besides it was always my mom who came to pick me but that day it was him. Why would he say I should promise I wouldn't cry?

"What happened?" I asked him, my heart was beating fast.

"Mom and Toju had an accident earlier today when they went to the market to get foodstuff."

"Sir?" I said so quietly, almost like a whisper. I couldn't contain my tears. How did it happen? I thought.

TOYIN

Living in Lagos as a person from a poor background is the worst thing. My mom got pregnant out of wedlock so her parents chased her out of the one room apartment which they lived in on rent. She had no choice but to stay with a boy who happened to like her at Ajegunle in another one-room apartment. When she finally had me, all I ever experienced was hardship and poverty; sometimes I wished she didn't have me. By the time I was sixteen, my mom's boyfriend forced her to chase me out of the house, I couldn't blame him anyways, he was hardly able to feed the three of us and she was expecting a baby for him. She spoke to her brother to take me in and cater for me. My uncle wasn't always the happy man especially because of his snake wife.

"You must be an irresponsible girl!" My uncle yelled at me when we returned from school.

"Uncle, I swear I didn't mean it, I didn't know those girls are bad." I knelt down pleading. I had been caught with some friends who were smoking behind our class block; actually I happened to appear there at the wrong time. I was in the wrong place and at the wrong time.

"You're just like your mom. You're a whore and very soon you will leave my house." He said while he walked away.

Every day it was one argument or the other like, one day one problem; if it wasn't him, it was his wife who even didn't like anything about me.

"Tony your niece, I don't want her corrupting our children." She would say every time I failed to do something right.

It was hell living with him. 4 years of my life was hell and to top it all, my inability to pass JAMB made my uncle and his serpent of a wife call me a waste and he had wasted money on my head all those years in school. One day, it became all too much so left his house with nowhere to go but a church.

I slept in the church for a week until the pastor of that church came to me.

"Hello madam." He said.

My head rested on the chair in front of me.

"Ma." he said again. "Sorry, are you awake?"

"Hmmn" I said, rubbing my face when I raised my head up to face him.

"You've been sleeping in this church for days now; don't you have a place to live?" He asked taking a seat next to me.

"No sir. I have no home."

"A young like you, unbelievable." He said. "Okay, you can come and live with me but, you must serve in this church too."

Just to come to church and I can have a proper place to put my head? I thought to myself. My joy was overwhelming. I almost hugged him but I restricted myself and knelt down instead because he was a man of God to thank him.

For days I stayed at his place; a free house, free food, and free of troubles until one Sunday night...

SADE

"Mummy." I said with tears running out of my eyes.

"Sade?" She said as she opened her eyes slowly, "Omo mi." Her voice was so low.

"Mummy," I held her hand, "mummy ejor ma soro." I said rubbing her hand.

"Where's your brother?" She asked me.

"To--"

"Sade," my step-father walked into the room, "go outside and wait hmm we'll be going home soon."

I was sure he was talking about Toju my older brother with my mom. Few minutes before he came out of the room, my mom shouted, I was wondering what he could have told her. When he came out and jammed the door behind him, I could hear my mom crying. I already guessed it, but I told myself it couldn't be.

"Sade, oya let's go." He said stretching his hands for me to hold.

When we got into the car he just stared at the steering wheel, not starting the car, not saying a word, and then he said it. He said what made my mom scream on her hospital bed.

"Sade, I'm about to tell you what happened to Toju but you must be strong. Toju your brother is dead."

I lost my older brother. The only one who understood me, the only one who actually cared for me, the only one who would protect me at any cost. Not anymore, he was dead. Why him? I thought.

When I got home, my stepfather prepared Eba for me and Egusi soup.

"Oya Sade, wa je wun. Come and eat." He said when he put it on the dining table.

Eat? I just lost my brother, the only one who cared enough for me. Food was the last thing on my mind. I just wanted Toju back though I knew that morning was the last time I would ever see him again. What made me even feel worse was the fact that I couldn't cry, I just lost my brother and I could not cry.

"Sade, why are you just playing with your food?" He asked after seeing that I kept putting the lump of Eba in my hand in the soup.

"Nothing sir." I replied.

"I know how you feel, in time you and your mom will-you and your mum will forget it."

Forget it? Forget it? I said in my thoughts. Who forgets things like this?

"I'm not hungry anymore." I said, standing from the dinning chair and walked into my room.

Throughout that day I didn't come out of my room. I was just on the bed staring at the ceiling trying hard to think of Toju so I could cry but nothing dropped from my eyes till I fell asleep.

TOYIN

I had just finished having my bath and came out of the bathroom with my towel wrapped around me when the Pastor Debo walked into my room with me as I was about to jam the door. "Pastor-what-what are you doing in my room?" I asked him.

"Ahan! What kind of question is that?" He said closing the door quietly and coming towards me.

"What if I was naked? You didn't even knock sir."

"So, what if you're naked? This is my house and I deserve to see you naked." He said smiling.

I couldn't believe my ears; a man of God? Before I knew it he started unbuttoning his shirt.

"Toyin, Toyin tomato-see I love you and-and God has revealed to me that I must sleep with you."

"Pastor Debo, I don't understand, please." I stared at him in disbelieve, holding my towel firmly. "I think I should leave the house for a moment." I said walking towards the door when he grabbed me and threw me on the bed.

"Pastor!" I shouted in disbelieve, my mouth opened and breathing fast.

"Toyin! You've been staying in my house, eating my food, living a good life and you think it's all for free, you don't want to give me anything in return for my generosity and kindness?"

"Sir please, please. I'm not doing this...aren't you a pastor? Please--"

All my begging and crying fell on deaf ears, he didn't care, that stupid man raped me-he raped me on a Sunday without mercy. He took my virginity.

SADE

I felt something touch me that night as I slept. I moved myself to make sure it was nothing.

I felt it again so I opened my eyes and I saw him above me.

"Sade, don't worry I'm just here to make sure you're okay." He said in a low tone.

"Sir?" I said as my heart raced.

"Don't scream okay? I'm just here to make sure you're okay don't cry." He said as he reached for his trousers zip.

"Si-sir-what-no sir." I was trembling; I couldn't move maybe it was out of the fear in me.

"Shhhh." He said as he used his palm to cover my mouth.

"I've always wanted to do this with you. You're too beautiful, slim, and-and you're so young."

I wanted to scream as he made his way through me but, my voice was too terrified to shout out, now the tears I wanted since I found out that my brother was dead finally poured out. Poured out because now. I was truly alone in the world...