Dead Roses

“Why do you always find a way to make me hurt you Arian? Do you like making me look like a fool? Do you like embarrassing me?” Each question being punctuated with a slap. I don’t bother fighting back yet I settle for hiding my face and pleading for him to stop.

All that I can do is hope that he tires out soon with each hit I see a white light and I know that if he doesn’t stop soon I’ll pass out. I can’t recall what I did this time to make him so angry I tried to make the night go as smoothly as possible. I knew it would be a big night for him as he’d just made partner at his firm. They hosted a dinner in his honor, I tried my best not to embarrass him but with Damien’s standards not embarrassing him is never an easy task.

“You think it’s okay to stare at other men right in front of me, I shouldve known better than to marry someone at classless as you!” Stare at other men? I wouldn’t dare look at anyone else but Damien he is the love of my life or at least I thought he was. Things are completely different from what they were before, There was a time Damien would rather die than hit or disrespect me he is so different from the man he used to be.

I’m dragged out of my thoughts by Damien throwing me into the bed. “Go clean that shit up!” He hissed while simultaneously grabbing his keys and leaving the room.

I wait for the front door to shut and for his car to pull out of the driveway before I let out the deepest scream I could muster. I don’t understand how this has become my life. I always said I would never endure abuse yet here I am cleaning up the blood from yet another fit.

I look at myself in the mirror embarrassed at what I’ve become and the abuse that I’ve allowed, always thinking that it would get better thinking that if i can meet Damien’s constant rising expectations that he would revert back to the man I married. “I have to leave.” Saying it aloud makes me believe I really will. In the past 6 years I’ve had many moments like these in front of this mirror but I still never leave.

I keep thinking of the man Damien used to be the man I fell in love with. He was always so gentle and respectful with me in the 2 years we dated I rarely saw him lose his temper. The man he is now completely blindsided me.

I look at my right eye that’s almost swollen shut and my bruised cheeks I look at the bruises that adorn my caramel skin some old and almost gone some fresh. This is what I’ve allowed for 6 years this what I endured in hopes of my perfect fairytale husband coming back. “How could you be so naive Arian?” I ask myself aloud. I realize now that he won’t change I’ve realized it before but I still always held out hope that he would but now I don’t think I have any hope left.