The feeling of love

I stared at my reflection as I slowly stroke my eyebrows into waves with a small comb. I must confess I look quite feminine with my fair complexion, my small eyes, thick eyebrows that are well curved, and eyelashes that bash lightly. My tall and scrawny figure makes it more of a girl in a boy's body. I dropped my comb as I suddenly started feeling emotions seeping down my body, sad and happy ones at that.

I am sad because I will be leaving my former school, my old friends, classmates, and teachers. I am happy because I get to attend my elder brother's former school which happens to be one of the best schools in the state.

"Brother Michael, my dad calls for you," the voice of my younger brother Mark jolted me out of my thoughts. I smiled sweetly at him giving him a reply that I would join them soon. I slowly packed my bag and headed downstairs.

My parents have tried to convince me to attend my brother's school but I had refused politely. I changed my mind 'out of the blues' the night my brother graduated from Secondary School and they were quite pleased with my response. I am the only one that knew the reason behind my change of heart.

Whenever I think about the fact that I had a kind of liking for the same-sex makes me wonder why I was developing that kind of feeling.

I had this type of same-sex admiration, as I call it on three different boys. I decided to change my environment hoping the so-called admiration I am having will stop.

I opened my dad's car and sat down quietly wondering how my new life would be in Beatitude College, my new school. We were caught in a little traffic as I looked outside the car window only to see two students whose hands hung around each other's shoulders.

I smiled bitterly knowing fully well that I cannot be in such proximity with boys. I just wish I can make contact with them without feeling any kind of sensation or sparks especially when around the handsome ones.

I sulked in my breath when a little event of how I had my first admiration.

I was the class captain of my class(S.S.S1) and I just concluded giving out instructions to the Sciences, Arts, and Commercial students on that very day. Aishat, one of the sassy girls in my class threw a tantrum claiming I was too forward because I went for our next subject's teachers immediately after our general class. I was shocked and being a gentle and shy person, I just controlled my anger and ignored her even when some students were supporting her.

Kabir, one of the commercial students came to me and defended me stating confidently that no one could perform the role I held as a Class Captain.

I could still remember how his right hand hung around my shoulder and I could not help but feel the sparkle in my body as I admired his handsome figure. To cut the long story short, I ended up imagining that very little moment when he stood up for me. I found myself wishing for more moments we can share.

The second admiration was a strange one as I found myself fascinated by the angry look on Daniels's face. His angry look drew me more than I expected that I sometimes feel like touching his handsome face when he is angry. Every fantasy I had about him kept zoning in and out of my imagination lane.

A new student with a cute smile, exotic high cheekbones, and a narrow straight nose that perfected his looks caught me in another trance.

His abs were obvious from his school shirt that I sometimes feel like touching but my conscience kept making me think.

As much as I love the tingling that happens to me, I still feel something overwhelming surrounding it. To think why I suddenly started drifting into 'my so-called admiration fantasy' makes my stomach churn with different emotions that I cannot decipher.

I always pray silently for a way to control my thinking and I am grateful my prayers are answered in one way or the other.