Laura's Hope

"Miss Payne." At the familiar voice, I lifted my eyes from the floor to find my therapist approaching me. In her late twenties, Doctor James was stunning. In a five foot five frame she was anything but average looking, all deep brown eyes and a smile that had most men kissing the very ground she walked on. Doctor James was one of my least favorite people.

Arms hugging my chest, I hoped it wasn't time for my appointment. A pointless hope, I knew.

That dazzling smile appeared on her face as she stopped before my mother, a smile I didn't return. Instead, I rose from my seat and walked into the hallway. It wasn't an unusual for me to walk into the room alone, but I was still aware of both my mothers and sisters worried stares, worse my therapists reassuring one. I latched onto the doorhandle...only to find it locked. Breathing a heavy sigh, I turned on my heels to face Doctor James.

"I thought we might take a walk today, Laura. If that's alright with you?" The way she talked to me, as if I was mentally incapable of understanding her, made my skin crawl. But I was used to that...I coped with it.

Staring at nothing, over her shoulder, I answered flatly. "That's fine."

Doctor James started towards the exit, glancing over her shoulder several times to assure herself that I was still following. Silence was comfortable for me. Coversation was almost always evaded.

I kept my eyes glued to the ground, avoiding the prying eyes of those who wanted to be introduced to the towns infamous survivor. The only victim to have escaped His clutches.Two years had long passed since then, but gossip never died out in my small town, Gunbarral.

Once we made it onto the sidewalk, Doctor James slowed her pace to match mine. "How are you Laura? It's been quite a while since our last session," she murmured in that well known sympathetic tone. The sun was bright this afternoon, beaming down on us, so I decided to pull my hood down, staring straight ahead.

"I'm fine." Same old answer.

"You're always fine. When will you let me help you? When will you let anyone in?" Never, I thought, but quickly swallow the words and smiled. It was a weak smile, the kind you automatically knew were fake...but it was the best I had at this point. The best I'd probably have at any point.

"I'm nervous about school tomorrow..." I hedged, giving her something to go on. I bit my lip guiltily, knowing telling her that wasn't exactly for help, but rather because she would tell my mother is was a sign of improvement and maybe, just maybe, I could skip these useless thereapy sessions.

"And what are you nervous about?" As if it isn't obvious.

"Um, you remember Robert...I'm afraid he'll try to talk to me again. Or the stares...God, I hate the stares..." It was the most I'd ever spoken to my therapist so it wasn't a surprise that she began to scribble down every word that came out of my mouth.

Face encouraging, she spoke, "Laura it's a possiblity that he might wish to speak with you. From what your mother has told me, you two were crazy about each other and a love like that doesn't end with a snap of the fingers. As for the stares...they're inevitable," she paused, giving me a chance to absorb the truth in those words. The cold reality. "Whether you do to school tomorrow or next weeks, people will stare. It will bother you, that's a natural response, but eventually everyone will forget and go about their lives."

I winced at her words, the familiar shame rising within me. Robert had been my first and only boyfriend. From what I remembered, I had shared my first kiss with him and we had been inseperable. Now? I couldn't feel anything...I was indifferent towards him. He was a stranger to me. I wasn't the head cheerleader, I wasn't the same persoon I'd been so many years ago. I was Laura now; Laura had curled into a tight, untouchable casket in my head.

"I know..." I said. "It's fine, really." But she wasn't having it. Doctor James reached out, for my arm, and I flinched. Her face crumpled, making me instantly regret my reaction.

For a split second, I thought about reaching out to her, but alarm bells blared in my head and the idea was shut down. Skin to skin contact was unbearable, though I don't--can’t remember why. And I despised not knowing who I was, why I couldn't stand certain things. It was like missing a whole two years of life, a void of daunting nothingness.

The psychiatrist my mother had appointed insisted my brain blocked the trauma, even when I denied it. I had tried and tried to enter that space, searched the deepest recesses of my head, but each time...it was blank. The memories came when they wanted or not at all.

"As I have to ask, Laura have you recalled anything?" I closed my eyes, wishing my belly wouldn't lurch every time she asked that question.

"No," I answered blankly. Then, "I'm sorry."

With a regretful sigh, Doctor James put the notepad and pencil away, mussing her brown hair which had frizzed. I didn't bother with my hair, letting it hang messily at the crown of my head.

We all had our day’s right? I guessed mine was everyday.

"Well, our time is up for today." Breathing a sigh of relief, I started off toward the office. We'd only gone two streets down so I got there within minutes.

My mother's dark eyes met mine before I looked away, stiffly sitting beside my sister. Iris was identical in looks to me, the only difference, a rare case, where I out of both my twins, had been born with blue eyes like my father instead of brown. Not to mention, the scar on my left cheek.

Doctor James, once she arrived, spoke to my mother privately before we left. As expected, the drive home was left to awkward silence, besides my sisters constant fidgeting.

Once in a while, I'll get a memory of how much happier my family was, before the abduction and a wanton ache would start in my chest. My mother, once an always smiling woman, now hardly smiled at all. She tired to hide her sadness, but late at night, when I couldn't sleep and dad wasn't around, I could hear her sobs. I often cried with her.

Once my mother parked, I stumbled up the drive and through the front door where I headed for my bedroom. My house was an odd house, but it was charming, painted babyblue on the outside with more than a few bordered white windows. My father had recently paid for a pool and a ton of fixations on the inside, so it was also pretty modern.

Inside my room, I toed my shoes off and shrugged out of my hoodie. My room was plain, but spacious with buttercup walls from my childhood and a wide window that face the backyard. I had one twin-sized bed that stood furthest from the window...forever fearful of His return. My father had a metal screen installed over the window, but it did little to help. His presense draped me like a shadow. Inside me.

I locked the door and sat on the bed, hugging my knees to my chest. Across the room sat a box of Serenity’s old pictures, as soon as I’d been able to come home I’d thrown them into that box. Hadn’t opened it since even though I stared at it when I was all alone in my room like this, it seemed to hold power over me. Like a man holding the strings to a puppet.

There was a soft knock at my door, causing me to jump. “Laura?” My sisters’ voice was muffled behind the door; I stumbled to the door, opening it slightly.

“Yeah?” Behind the door my sister smiled a little, in her hand a box.

“Can I come in?” Reluctantly I opened the door, allowing her to walk in. She looked around, seeming to be disappointed. I was willing to bet she was disappointed in me more than my room.

“So…you ready for tomorrow?”

Not at all. “Yeah. What’s in the box?” Iris seemed to forgotten it, but her brown eyes widened and she flashed me one of her glowing smiles. Then she sat on my bed, opening the box. Hesitantly I peeked to find a pretty blouse. In baby blue, it was a button up. Confused I glanced up.

“Are you wearing that tomorrow? It’s very pretty.” Iris grinned, mischief sparkling in her eyes, making me even more confused.

“No silly! You are.” I hadn’t worn anything but black since I’d been home.

“No I can’t…you’ll look far prettier than me,” I denied honestly.

“Laura we look identical. Twins.” Triplets.

“Well, I still can’t wear that,” I muttered, eyeing the appealing shirt.

“Why not? All you wear is black Laura. It's time for change…” When I didn’t reply she added, “Please Laura? For me, it’s only one day.” I sighed, feeling the familiar tiredness start up, whipping away my energy and objections.

“Alright, one day,” I warned. “Now I’m going to take a shower.” She looked so…happy, springing forward for an obvious embrace, and I cringed. Thankfully, she thought better of it and instead waved before trekking out of the room.

Snatching up a towel, I followed into her direction, entering the bathroom with a relieved sigh. The shower I took was long; the hot water always calmed me down enough that I could actually enjoy the sensation. I scrubbed my lavender scented shampoo until my pin-straight hair was doused completely. Then, I made quick work with my razor. Once I was out, I dried my skin and brushed my teeth, allowing a look at the reflection staring back at me.

My skin, usually pale, seemed worse tonight, pulled tight over my cheekbones in that way that had people asking if you were okay. My brown, eyebrows were much to arched above my wide blue eyes framed by barely perceptible eyelashes, a straight nose and an undefined chin. I used to be pretty…I use past tense because the subtle differences, usually noticed, destroyed my potential. The scar marring my right cheek worked as an ugly reminder of equally as ugly memories. The doctors had sewn the lash, wrapped the ribs, and stitched the cracked skull–but the scars and chipped fragments within were out of their reach–ruined.

I ran away from those thoughts and into my bedroom, where I softly closed the door behind me. Drying, I freshened up and dressed into a worn t-shirt and boy-shorts. With a shiver, I climbed into my bed, snuggling deep into the duvet and hugging my knees to my chest as I so often did.

Tonight the room was colder on my skin, but I quickly dismissed it as sleep shut my eyelids.

***

With a start, I woke up, breathing deeply to stop the shaking. The familiar shivers ran up my spine, uncontrollable, suffocating me in a river of frost. I clutched the blankets to my chest, reminding myself that I wasn't there anymore...No, I wasn't prisoner to him, I was alone. Completly alone.

My fingers trembling, I switched on the bedside lamp, gripping my last remnants of sanity. It had been so real...Surreal. He was coming, his eyes...all black, depthless fire. A scar...He had a scar, over his right eyebrow and straight down to his eye...A white, colorless eye.

Pushing my feet over the bed, I stumbled out of the room and into the dark hallway, where I descended the stairs. Outside, I finally was faced with the pool. It was still dark out, probably about six a.m. and I smiled a little at the cool air, nothing like the chill of my vacant bedroom. I swayed for a second before dropping onto the warm concrete, breathing in little puffs. Riding out the storm.

By the time I rose from the floor the sun was rising, its rays beautiful and brilliant. I decided to go upstairs then, when walking up the stairs I almost collided with my sister. Her dirty blonde hair was messy and she looked tired, but she smiled and continued down without questions. Brushing my teeth, I combed through my dirty blond hair before heading into my room. There I tried several attempts at why I shouldn’t wear the blue blouse, in the end my sisters feelings mattered more than mourning clothes. And I was still mourning, for myself, my sister, all the others.

Shaking myself I pulled on the blue blouse, not bothering with a tank top then slipped on black skinny jeans and my regular converse. Not daring to look in the mirror, since I no longer bothered with make-up either.

Breakfast with my family nearly never happened, although this morning my mother and father were wide awake. My mother was working on breakfast, while my dad sat at the table spinning a coffee cup in his hand. The resemblence between my father and me and my sisters never ceased to amaze me. With short blonde hair my father still looked younger than any thirty year old man I had ever seen. The blues of his eyes were brighter today, his smile smug.

Unsure I sat at the round cherry wood table, noticing my father’s eyes focused on me.

“Good morning,” he said before pulling out his phone and snapping a picture. Confused I covered my face with my hands.

“Oh come on Laura! Let daddy have a few picture of your first day at school.” I flushed, hating the fact that he was acting like this was my first year of Pre-k.

“Marcus! Stop that, breakfasts ready.” My mother snatched the phone from his hands and I almost snatched it from hers, knowing the picture was terrible.

Iris appeared then, wearing a black pencil skirt and a Pink shirt she looked absolutely breathtaking. Iris had always been the more perfect of the twins, although she was cold when she didn’t like someone. My mother set a toast with jam in front of me, while also serving Iris and my father bacon and eggs. Only then did she sit down.

“Are you driving this morning Iris?” Iris nodded, mouth full. I’d never learned to drive, my doctor considered it too much of a risk. But this time I agreed, I froze almost as often as I blinked.

“Are you ready Laura? You look very beautiful this morning, I like your shirt.” I looked up, surprised she was trying to have a normal conversation with me about something other than the kidnapping. Clearing my throat, I tried to smile, but froze up so instead swallowed down some orange juice.

“Thank you. Iris let me borrow it,” I mumbled, picking at my bread. My stomach was full of butterflies, nervous and fluttering.

“Have it,” Iris corrected. When Iris finished her breakfast I rose with her grabbing my plate and putting it in the sink. Then we exited, stepping into my sisters black Lexus, me in the passenger side. The drive was a long one to Boulder High School, but we made it early still. When we found a good enough parking space I was glad it was raining so my hoodie could hide my face. It was all so foreign to me, being in high school, yet familiar.

Carefully, I peeked through my hoodie at the different groups of people. Everyone seemed focused on conversation, completely ignoring me, which was a relief. We entered the cafeteria, it was a large place, with round tables, and packed lunch lines.

“Iris!” My sisters two year boyfriend, Josh, shouted from across the cafeteria. He was surrounded by jocks, none of which I recognized. Iris smiled, glancing from him to me, and I smiled reassuringly.

“It’s okay. Go on.” With a smile she handed me a pile of papers and sauntered off toward the jocks.

At the first opportunity I sat at a lone table, glad for a few minutes to myself, even over the cafeterias loud roars. Looking down at the papers in my hands I found a map of the school, and my schedule. My classes seemed easy enough: First block being AP Biology, Second block: French Two, Third block: CCC and Fourth block: Calculus. When someone sat in the seat beside me I tensed, and glanced up, noting with relief that I actually knew this person.

Mina Crept, newest captain of the cheer team, sat in her blue and white uniform. Her brown hair pulled back in a pretty ponytail and her brown eyes cautious. I’d always liked Mina, so I was glad she was voted captain.

“Hi,” I tried nervously.

“How’ve you been Laura?” I smiled a little, at least someone called me by my name.

“I’m fine, how about you? What’s been going on with cheer? Won any competitions?” Mina smiled flashing a perfect pair of pearly white teeth, no more braces.

“Oh it’s been wonderful. We’ve won every single one so far. Listen about...” I stopped her with a shake of my head.

“Don’t. It’s done and over with.” After an uncomfortable moment, she bounced up, waving to a group of cheerleaders across the room, before grabbing for my hand. I dodged her hands pretending I was sticking them in my pockets. That’d been a close one.

“Come on! Let me introduce you to our new team.” Your new team, I corrected inwardly.

“How bout later, the bells about to ring and I’ve got to figure out where my classes are.” I pointed to the list in my hand. She snatched it away, frowning every so slightly.

“We’ve got Computer Careers together, but that’s all. First block, by the way, is over on the third floor, first hallway, class rooms on your right.” I smiled gratefully, waving goodbye awkwardly.

The bell rang then, an annoying ring, ring, ring, ring in my ear, but I ignored it, pushing my way through the crowded hallway. Somewhere during all the pushing, my hoodie got knocked down, I didn’t realize until people started staring. I blushed scarlet, one hand pulling to keep my backpack on my shoulder, the other reaching back to pull my hoodie up. I stumbled a little, wishing I were anywhere but there when the whispers began. Breathing hard I finally made it in the classroom handing my teacher my schedule in a rush to be seated.

“Laura Payne?” Awareness lit his brown eyes, and I nodded a little, waiting for him to hand the slip back, after what seemed like forever he did.

“Welcome back. You may take a seat in the middle row, third stool.” Nodding I raced to my seat, pushing my backpack onto the floor and the hoodie off my head, hoping if I looked a little normal no one would notice me. The class began to fill up, one blond boy sat beside me on the right side while a redheaded boy sat on the other side. I kept my eyes down, unable to meet their eyes. Mr. Clatt didn’t make me stand up in front of the class but instead announced my presence to the whole class. I didn’t look up to meet their stares either.

“Are you alright?” I looked up, into a pair of green eyes. A friendly face smiled at me, no accusing, no wonder, just concern. I wish, I thought with a smile.

“I’m fine.” The boy’s smile deepened to where it looked like he had dimples. It was the type of smile no one could resist but smiling back to. And I did smile back, happy to meet someone who treated me normal.

“I’m Isaac. Don’t worry, I know how it feels to be the new kid, I just arrived two days ago.” From then on we talked the whole class period between work. It was easy to talk to Isaac, like talking to a teddy bear. They didn’t judge you, just listened quietly. When the class period ended I packed my bag, allowing Isaac to walk me to class. He was a chatty guy, all about conversation, and I liked that, not having to say much. When we reached my French class, he left claiming to be in a hurry for technology. With Isaac gone I felt alone again, so with big steps I made my way into the class, greeted by a friendly strong French accent. My teacher, Mrs. Dev, she called herself, took my slip, quickly handing it back to me.

I slipped into a seat at the end of the room, happy to see as the class filled, no one else sat beside me. Slouching slightly I laid my head in my arms, squeezing my eyes shut. The late bell rang then, and everyone went silent for half the class period, listening to a lecture I all but ignored.

The door opened and closed but I paid no mind to anything, only when the seat next to me was pulled out did my eyes snapped open. I watched silently as the boy or man sat beside me. He was large enough to be a man, at six foot one; he had a muscular build and was dressed in a white button up shirt. His hair was black and shoulder length, darker against that pale skin. I could only see one side of his face since he was facing the front of the room. His face was strong, his nose aristocratically straight and his cheeks sharp. I had the strangest urge to suddenly run my fingers down that set jaw. It terrified me since I never wanted to touch anyone.

“Mr. Lacriox nice of you to join us.”

“My pleasure mademoiselle,” he replied easily, and my breath caught at the strong French accent.

He looked down at me then, his deep hazel eyes curious. I had to look away, unable to comprehend how gorgeous a person could be. Throughout the class, I kept my eyes strictly away, not wishing to make myself look like more of an idiot. The teacher began instructions, handing me a worksheet with French fill in the blanks making my head hurt. I never learned French one, instead I’d had Spanish. Sighing heavily I peeked up at him, only to find his eyes on me. Swallowing down my nervousness, I slid him the paper.

“We’re supposed to do it together, but I’ve never had French so…” I sounded stupid, even to my own ears. I expected him to roll his eyes but he didn’t instead he smiled a little before he began writing. I didn’t speak again but I watched his elegant writing, it matched up to mine and that was shocking since girls usually had the more legible penmanship.

“It’s good that I’m French then huh?” A very late reply. I nodded a little before looking down at my intertwined fingers. The classroom was large, yet not enough kids filled it, making me wish I would have chosen the empty desk on the opposite side. My teacher, preoccupied by another teacher at the door ignored the students who obviously weren’t talking about French.

“So you’re new, yeah?” With a sigh, I turned my head to him, secretly glancing at the worksheet which to my surprise was completely filled. All fifty questions done in less than five minutes, yeah, he had to be French.

“No, I’ve been here before. Just been…away for awhile,” I sounded like an idiot again, but it was better than the truth. Anything was better than that. He nodded; his eyes roaming over my body, making me a look away, my body all too aware those eyes.

“Weren’t you dressed in something else earlier?” I was surprised at how good his accent could be covered, it almost sounded like he had no accent at all, except the little Z pronunciation. When he said something it sounded like somezzing.

“You must have seen my sister, Iris…” He opened his mouth to answer, but I saw the realization hit those hazel eyes. I waited for the question that never came, just as the bell rang.

I sighed, saved by the bell.

I picked up my bag, hurriedly walked out the door. I almost reached the cafeteria when I saw Robert, stopping I turned, going in the opposite direction. But it was too late, he’d already seen me.

“Laura!” I stopped and glanced over my shoulder to see him walking toward me.

Robert was taller than my five foot five by a few inches. He’d changed over the years, the childish face much too sharp. He was slightly built with green eyes and blond spiked hair. People were watching now, there eyes excited to see what would happen when Robert, who was walking with dramatic slowness, spoke to me. In desperation, my sisters’ face registered off to the sidelines beside a gorgeous brown haired girl. Her eyes panicked as I felt. My heart beating erratically, I smiled with false excitement. Finally he stopped before me, his green eyes sparkling. At one point that would have made my heart skip a beat, but today it made me wish I didn’t exist.

“You didn’t think you could go the whole school day without speaking to me did you?”

“Robert….nice seeing you again too.” He smirked, reaching between us to pull my hood down. I inwardly flinched, but outside showed nothing.

“Come sit with me. I know you missed me.” Not really, I thought annoyed.

“Maybe another time,” I mumbled, moving to continue towards the parking lot. A hand grabbed my arm and I froze dead, my breathing stopping. Everyone seemed to have frozen too, but they didn’t matter to my brain as it shut down the idea of being touched. I began to shake, willing myself to speak as my mind began to spin.

“Let her go!” My sister’s voice screamed in the distance, and I wished I could see her, but I couldn’t make my body move. Every feeling in me was shutting down besides where he held me. I was yanked toward him and finally able to say something.

“Please…” I choked. Suddenly his hand was gone, and I could feel my breathing deepen. The relief swelled over me in rivers. After a minute I registered what was going on around me. To my shock, Robert was on the ground, his hand clutching his bleeding nose, his eyes glaring daggers over my shoulder. I looked over to find the guy from French glaring back, his pose said he was Roberts’ superior and that he would easily kick his ass.

“Touch her again, and I will gladly break your hands next.” I watched unable to move until Robert began to get up, then before my sister reached me I ran through the crowd. Not caring who I pushed down just wanting to be anywhere but there. When I reached the parking lot, I walked out of the schools campus, and onto the sidewalk, my hands in fists as I willed the tears away.

It was expected that Robert would speak to me, but touch me? No, he’d never been that type of person. The Robert I knew would have given anything to protect me, but this Robert; well he was the expected jock. A pompous ass. I wasn’t aware I was being followed until the footsteps behind me became heavy. Stopping I expected my sister, instead the French boy stopped walking, sizing me up as if I would jump him. With a scoff I turned again, continuing to walk, wondering why he was following me. Didn’t he get that I just wanted to be left alone. He didn’t say a word although he continued with his stalking, so I whirled around, glaring.

“Are you expecting a thank you? If so, don’t hold your breath.” He flashed a smile, making me angrier. This wasn’t supposed to be comical.

“No, thank yous aren’t my thing either. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, and you obviously aren’t,” he murmured softly, his hazel eyes soft.

“I’m fine,” I replied automatically, without a thought.

“Do you tell that lie a lot?” I glared at him, hating that he guessed right, I probably could be considered a fabulist; I lied about anything to close to the sad truth.

“S’not a lie,” I muttered half-heartedly, wondering why I stood here arguing with him. He looked like he wondered the same thing.

“That’s a lie too.” I let out a breath, figuring there was no point in lying about a lie.

"Are you always so perceptive? Or do you like stating the obvious?” The sarcasm in that sentence was heavy and he seemed to have noticed since his handsome face frowned. I almost felt bad for ruining his fun. Almost.

“Both.” I rolled my eyes, turning my back on him and continuing to walk.

“Wait!” I continued walking, ignoring him completely. I had the strangest urge to hum a jolly tune.

“You didn’t tell me your name.” I paused for a minute, didn’t he already know?

“Don’t you already know?” I didn’t turn to look at him, afraid I’d see the all too sincere façade most people who wanted to be my “friend” put on.

“Should I? My name is Bastien by the way,” he called. I smiled a little, wondering why he was going through so much trouble to get my name from me when he could leave this second and ask anyone. His girlfriend even, and I was sure he had one.

“Laura,” I called back over my shoulder, turning the corner. For the first time in two years a smile etched my features. The dazed kind of smiles.