Sins and Lies

Italy - Tuscany 2018

What a stupid idea to think it's better

feel pain to feel nothing.

We elevate feeling to such wrong levels that we prefer

set ourselves on fire to live with our emptiness.

Stone Circle.

I'm always running.

No matter the day, time or place, I will always run when my chest tightens to the point of almost tearing everything from the inside out. Running has always taken a weight off my shoulders, quieting my soul, but sex is better than running. That's why my body is naked like this, while I roll around in the lap of the man I found at the club a few hours ago.

"Yes!" Huh! He moans as he grips my waist. — Dio Mio!

He lifts his hands to touch my breasts which are bouncing in rhythm with the sway of my waist, but I push them away as I press my hips down onto his erect sex and my large sex tightens my private part which makes me let out a moan. excitement with every movement.

I intensify the rolls even more when I realize that I can come, I already feel the feeling of weakness coming within me, while I squeeze the chest with some of the man's hair and I end up reaching orgasm seconds later. I believe he does too.

My body slumped onto the bed in exhaustion as I panted trying to get my breathing back to normal.

The man comes closer and tries to touch my lips, but I push him away again.

“It won't go beyond that. I say standing up and running my hand over a towel that was there.

I go into the bathroom to wash off the traces of what I've just done.

This isn't the first time I've had sex with a stranger anywhere. I'm always on the go no matter where.

If they ask me questions I answer with silence. No name, no address, no conversation or promises that we'll see each other again. I've already lost count of how many penises entered and left my vagina and honestly, I don't care about their names.

I finish showering and wring out my long blond hair so the water will run off. I wrap my body in the towel and stop in front of the mirror, running my hand over it to see my reflection.

I'm in chaos. The dark circles under my blue eyes betray the sleepless nights I have. My skin has some blemishes, the result of something I don't even know about. Life has not been kind to me, ever. Therefore, I decided not to be nice to her.

“Sfortunata puttana!” I mutter and adjust the towel, leaving the bathroom.

Before I even get to the hotel room I ended up in, I hear the man's voice on the phone.

"Leave it to me, Papa, she can't get away." I will take you back.

Figlio di...

I should have known he was suspicious when he invited me out for a drink at the club. He seemed uninterested in anything since everyone was asking obvious questions.

Without a sound, I run my hand over my dress that is on the bed. I can't get caught, he can't get his filthy hands on me, I'm never coming back.

I go to the exit door and lightly touch the handle. Thank you for not squeaking. I open it slowly, I can even see the hallway of the shabby place where I am, but I can't get out, because the man's hands push the door slamming, and the other throws me away.

"Going somewhere?" he asks

I try to run, but the room is bereft of space. The man holds me trying to drag me to a room where he can keep me in a hurry, but I won't allow it.

With my elbow, I hit his chin making him wobble and thus free me, but it doesn't last long. Before I can even close the bathroom door, he reaches me, pulling my hair and hitting my head against the same mirror as before, which shatters everywhere, making me dizzy and fall to the floor, taking a few shards with me.

Blood oozes out as I try to lift my body in a desperate search for an escape.

" Huh! You're a lot of work, dear". He says as he positions himself on top of me. "Dad said I could use brute force if I had to, but that I'd have to take it."

I try to move, but I'm too weak at the moment.

The man doesn't miss the opportunity to try to touch me, even though he just did it a few minutes ago.

“Let's see what we've got here…” He pulls my breast out, but I smack him in the face, making his neck twist. "Cagna!" he revolts and punches my face making me lose a little more strength.

He squints his eyes shut, fighting the urge to close his eyes and fall asleep, but it comes on like a drag, taking me in gradually.

I want to give up, maybe I've never wanted to give up as much as I am now. My body is exhausted, my mind is heavy.

I'm tired of running.

Maybe I should go back to his arms, live what he wants for me.

I'm just going to sleep for a second...

“Amore mio, svegliati!”

I don't know how long I blacked out, but the voice in my head made me open up eyes in time to see the man rip off his pants.

An error.

Carelessness.

My hands are free to move as needed.

I want to give up, but not today!

The man places himself on top of me, ready to commit the act, but my hands are quick and fly straight to his neck that was free for me.

There was no time for anything, he just staggers back, holding his neck while strange sounds come out of his mouth, of those who are drowning.

He rips the piece of mirror from around his neck and tries to stop the blood splattering me, but it's too late. In the struggle to find air or not drown in his own blood, he was not the victor.

He falls to the ground lifeless.

I lean against the wall taking a deep breath and trying to catch my breath.

My face hurts, but I don't have that much time to grieve.

I scramble to my feet and turn on the shower to wash off the blood, which washes away with the water.

I walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom grabbing my purse lying in a corner.

I remove her makeup and also some hair dye.

I go back to the bathroom and sigh when I see that the mirror is broken. From the floor I pick up a larger piece for my use.

It should do.

We spread the dye all over the blonde hair, or blurred it, I don't remember how many paintings I've had.

While it dries, I apply makeup to my face to disguise the cuts. It won't cover everything, but it will keep the eyes off.

I rip the lens off and look into my blue eyes.

“Long time, boys". I say.

I do everything I have to do quickly. I know some men can come up and I don't want to get caught.

It shouldn't take long for him to realize that his man is taking too long and by then there should be more men arriving.

I finish everything and leave the room, closing the door.

- Good morning! miss. says the maid and I just nod, making my way to the elevator.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

I hear the woman's scream of horror as the elevator door closes, taking me away from this place.

❞

One of the things I learned from being with him was how to take a person's life without mercy. At first it was so scary, but now after so many years I don't even bother anymore. In fact, I believe it served to protect me. If I was a naive 24 year old woman I would have been caught by now, but my naiveté died years ago.

Not that killing someone is pleasurable, but it's not nearly as scary as it once was. Today I don't cry, nor do I have nightmares.

Life must go on no matter how bad it is.

Either the wreath is yours, or it's theirs. What will it be?

I chose that the crown would be theirs.

I want to give up, but not today.

I stop in front of the Degli Uffizi gallery and look around, making sure I'm not being followed or watched.

Only a few people are in the place and they don't look suspicious.

I enter the place and walk in front of any painting, where a woman wearing a brown coat, with dark glasses is also observing the image.

I join her, looking at the same painting.

“I loved the hair" I say without turning to her.

"Where have you been?" she asks as she takes a step to the next frame.

“You know, around. I answer and take another step. "Did you get what I asked for?"

“To her left, near the statue.

I sneak a look and observe the brown leather suitcase.

"Thanks."

“Where are you going?” She checks worried and that time turns to me, analyzing my face.

I even understand, I'm her friend and it's normal for her to worry. She's all I have, she always helps me when I need it, but I can't put her at risk. He's capable of monstrosities to have me in his hands and I don't want her blood flowing through me.

" To live! " I reply moving away.

"You always say that." she mutters.

I don't look back after picking up the bag, I might end up taking a false step.

In the world I live in, feelings are a weakness, to have someone is to have a weakness and I can't have that.

Just like every time, I follow my path to be free.