Loving You Too Long

Loving you is not a sin, but why must I bear so much pain?

If I could choose and turn back time, then I wouldn't try not to fall in love with you. I would go back to the point in time when I didn't fall in love with you.

But I know none of this is in my control because all this is the path of my destiny.

So, may I ask instead?

If you can't love me, then stop hurting me.

Because really, I don't want this love to turn into hate.

If you can't love me, then stop torturing my feelings.

Because really, I want to remember all the sweet things between us, even if it's just a matter of fingers.

If you can't love me, then let me forget you.

***

The little girl wearing a ballerina dress bowed her body as a sign that the dance was over. The sound of applause that rang out in the fifteen by-twenty-meter room relieved her fatigue. Finally, Haisley could show off her ballet skills to someone she liked.

She straightened up. Seeing where her family should be sitting. Seeing their adoring faces. Her eyes looked around, but the person she was looking for was not there. And when the curtain closed, there was nothing the girl could do but let out a long sigh of disappointment.

"Oh my God, Mommy's girl can dance that well. I never expected it. Isn't that right, Daddy?" The voice of Mrs. Thea Smith, the girl's mother, sounded cheerful as she welcomed her daughter out into the waiting room for the performance.

"A gift for my beloved daughter." Mr. Smith then handed her a box. The little girl dressed in pink ballet clothes smiled cheerfully. "You'll open it when you get home, OK?" Her father ordered. The girls nodded immediately.

They then left the hall where the talent show was being held. Walked towards the parking lot, where another husband and wife were waiting for them.

"Shall we have dinner?" Greet the tall, bespectacled man standing towering in front of the girl dressed as a ballerina. He is Mr. Samuel Chayton. A good friend of the Smith family. His two sons are alumni of the school where Haisley is currently studying.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith nodded their heads.

"Where are the kids?" Mrs. Smith asked with searching eyes.

"Nathan said that he and Gilbert would follow us straight to the restaurant." Mr. Chayton replied.

The two families got into their respective cars and left the school to the place where the restaurant had been booked.

Haisley, the girl in the ballerina dress, sat in the back seat holding a gift in her lap. Her face looked sad as she asked, "Crystal went with Nathan too?" she asked finally.

"Yes. They have to take care of the paperwork at school to register for campus." Her mother answered again. Haisley took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Trying to hold back the tears that were starting to hurt her throat.

In fact, for the last two months, she had been training hard to get praise from Nathan. But the man instead chose to go with her older sister. Haisley felt annoyed, angry, and jealous as one.

Their journey to the restaurant was filled with silence because the girl who had just performed seemed reluctant to be disturbed.

"Save the gift first, darling." Those words came out of Mr. Smith's mouth right after the car stopped in front of the lobby of a luxurious five-star hotel that Haisley knew belonged to the Chayton family. It is said that the hotel has belonged to the Chayton family for three generations, and Nathan and Gilbert are the next heirs who will continue the Chayton clan.

Where is Nathan? Didn't his parents say he would follow, but why hasn't Haisley seen him yet? He was the man Haisley had wanted to see since before the performance started. Instead, this man chose to ignore Haisley's struggle and instead went with Crystal, Haisley's older sister, who was his classmate.

Haisley obeyed her father's orders. Put the gift away and cover her ballet outfit with her favorite dusty pink cardigan. Her ballet shoes had changed to normal flat, dusty pink shoes. OK, Haisley likes that color.

She got out of the car, and her father and mother immediately reached out their hands. Each of them took both of her hands and guided her into the hotel area.

Haisley's melancholy turned into a big smile when she saw Nathan, his younger brother Gilbert, and Haisley's older sister, Crystal, already sitting there. Two of the three people waved at her enthusiastically, which made Haisley wave back just as enthusiastically.

"Hey, ballerina." Crystal's greeting seemed to spread joy there. Haisley smiled and approached. She hugged her only older sister, seven years older than her. "Your dance was a success?" she asked curiously.

"Of course. Haisley!" Haisley answered while puffing out her chest happily.

"If your show didn't coincide with my basketball competition, by God, I would watch your show, H." A complaint accompanied by a tone of apology came from the mouth of Gilbert, Nathaniel's younger brother and Haisley's best friend, "If I were there, I would cheer for you to replace the cheerleader position for my basketball team." He continued, which made Haisley frown in disgust at the thought of a man two years older than her wearing a super short cheer uniform.

Haisley glanced again at Nathan. The only person she had been waiting for praise from. But the man just remained silent. The glass of drink before him attracted his attention more than Haisley's presence.

"Because Haisley has been successful with her dancing. Gilbert has also qualified for the quarter finals, Nathan and Crystal have managed to enter the university of their choice with scholarships. So, tonight we will celebrate together by eating delicious food." Samuel Chayton's voice enlivened the atmosphere again. And not even a minute later, their table was filled with various tempting dishes.

"So, when are you leaving?" This question made Haisley, chewing her steak, look up immediately. It turned out that her father was asking Nathan and Crystal.

"As soon as all the administration is finished." Nathaniel answered with a flat expression.

"Lucky for you, you have a son as smart as Nathan. You can retire in peace later, he could be a great successor." Praise Mr. Smith again.

Mr. Chayton nodded. His other hand rose and patted Nathan's shoulder happily. "Lucky to have an eldest child who understands our needs as parents." he continued. "After he graduates from university, I will hand over all my efforts to him," he said again.

"Poor Haisley, because soon you will be gone, she will definitely miss you very much." The teasing words came out of Mrs. Smith's mouth.

Haisley glared at her mother, intending to threaten her, but instead, it made the adults around the table laugh.

"Don't glance at the other girls there, Nath. Poor Haisley will break her heart." Mrs. Smith continued as she played with Haisley's hair and rubbed her back gently, making Haisley groan inwardly and want to hide himself because he was embarrassed. Haisley's expressive attitude invited laughter from everyone except Nathan.

"Don't worry, I will look after him for you, H. If he dares to tease another girl later, I will punish him first." Mrs. Monica Chayton's promise to Haisley.

Mrs. Smith nodded her head enthusiastically. They were working together on purpose and laughing together.

With a bright red face, Haisley glanced at Nathan. Trying to find out the man's response. But Nathan didn't seem to care about anyone at the dining table. The man seemed lost in his thoughts.

Nathan. Nathaniel Chayton. The nineteen-year-old man was Haisley's first love. Mentioning his name could make Haisley embarrassed. Usually, Haisley wants to appear neat and attractive in front of the young man.

Maybe everyone thinks their feelings are just puppy love, which will disappear and change one day. Or suspect this is just a feeling of liking like someone admires their favorite actor or actress. For Haisley, Nathan is her idol. And now, she must be disappointed because the man filling her teenage diary will leave to continue his education at a higher level. The emotional distance that has always been far away is even further away.

Haisley didn't say much because knowing that she would be separated from Nathaniel made her at a loss for words. The girl felt sad and disappointed because she would be abandoned. And considering Nathan's temperament, it was clear that there would be no communication between them in the future.

"If you really don't want to lose Nathan, prepare yourself to chase him from now on." The whisper made Haisley raise her head. She glanced at Gilbert, who was sitting next to her. The boy winked with a mischievous smile on his face. Again, the teenager put his ear closer to Haisley and whispered, "If you like him, go after him. Because everything is necessary fought for, not just ignored." he continued again.

As if getting support, Haisley's eyes lit up instantly. And the little girl nodded her head with renewed enthusiasm.