WHEN SHE FALLS

“Hey, good morning,” Her husband said, planting many kisses from her face to her ears and her neck. His hands already found their way to her breast from under the sheets and cupped them before she opened her eyes.

Without giving her any chance to respond to his greetings and tell him she wasn’t in the mood, his hands were on their way to her pants as they struggled to get them off her legs.

His lips nibbled on her neck, kissing and sucking on her chocolate skin. Kambili let him; surely he wouldn’t even believe her if she told him that she was not in the mood. For him, it would be another of her excuses not to have sex with her husband.

And she didn’t want that. She didn’t like it either. So she let him. Besides, she was married to him, and it was only right that she gave him sex whenever he wanted it, as much as he wanted it. She lay still, faking out a moan as he penetrated and began thrusting and pommeling in and out of her like he was training for a marathon.

Was she enjoying it? No. Did she want to have sex? Yes. She just couldn’t say what had happened to her or her libido. In the beginning, it wasn’t like that. She used to anticipate sex with Aaron like she anticipated Christmas. And she loved sex with him like she loved eating ice cream, even in cold weather.

But now, after six years of being married to Aaron, she couldn’t explain what went wrong. Also, she couldn’t say that Aaron wasn’t doing what needed to be done; at least she hoped he was.

Because she couldn’t blame him for anything, she blamed her stupid libido, maybe, or the fact that she had begun thinking so much lately. She couldn’t say exactly what had gone wrong with her. And when he climaxed, she had to fake her orgasm. Fake that she enjoyed it all along.

She hated it every time she had to fake her orgasm. Hated it all the time she had to pretend. But for her husband, for the sake of their love, and the sake of their marriage, she would, and she did.

Even when she felt guilty in many ways, she didn’t like upsetting Aaron, no matter what.

“So, what’s your plan for the day?” He asked Kambili who was standing up and making her way to the bathroom.

“I’m meeting with Dr. Fred today,” she replied as she turned on the shower.

“Dr. Fred? That, Dr. Fred? Why are you meeting with him?” He asked, going to meet her in the shower.

Dr. Fred was her doctor somehow and he was a friend of her father's.

He had also taught her back when she was in medical school. After years of joblessness and with her husband owing the bank, she couldn’t possibly remain jobless.

So Dr. Fred was the only one she had to run to for help. Just the day before, he had called her to meet up with him in the hospital. Though she didn’t know why, she only hoped it was for the best.

“I asked him to help me with a recommendation. I’m tired of being jobless and wasting my degree.” Then she stepped out of the shower, wrapping a large green towel around her body.

“Why do you want to work all of a sudden?” Aaron asked calmly but upset.

“Because I’m tired of being jobless. And besides, we still haven’t paid the loan you took from the bank.” Kambili said and walked over to the dresser to pick out what to wear.

“Every time you remind me of that loan, that business crashed because it was bad planning, and it wasn’t my fault.” Aaron sighed as he tried to defend himself, “Yet you talk about it like I’m so foolish that I took the loan”

She remained quiet choosing not to speak to him. She picked out a blue dress and tossed it onto the bed before taking out her wig. Retrieving a weave brush she began combing the wig still standing in front of the dresser.

“Besides, I have another business I’m planning, and a better one; I just need some time to set it up. You don’t have to work,” the words slurred out of Aaron’s lips. He felt a little sad and bitter that he couldn’t give Kambili the life he had promised her. Sometimes he hated himself and tried not to regret getting married to her.

“It’s not about your businesses, babe; I can’t keep waiting for all these businesses you plan to work out. I’m not even sure that’s the reason Dr. Fred is asking to see me” Kambili tried to be calm. She didn’t want him to think that she didn’t believe in him.

“I don’t want you to work, Kam. And for real though, we should just stick to the initial plan,” he said, coming out of the shower naked.

He walked over to the drawer snatched a towel from a hanger and began wiping his body.

As always Kambili didn’t know what to say. If she said it wasn’t their decision, she may end up sounding like an inconsiderate wife, and she didn’t want to be an inconsiderate wife.

First of all, she really just wanted to work, and secondly, if she didn’t, Aaron wouldn’t be able to pay the debt alone, especially after losing his job. Thirdly, they might end up losing their apartment too and she didn’t want any of that.

“I’ll meet with Dr. Fred first,” she said calmly.

She didn’t want to upset him, but she wanted to meet Dr. Fred. Aaron, without saying anything else, threw on his shorts and then a shirt and angrily stormed out of the room.

He didn’t tell her where he was headed, but she didn’t ask because she didn’t want him to speak as much as she didn’t want to speak. She wouldn’t even know what to say if she wanted to.

She just ignored him and began to dress up to meet with Dr. Fred.

She fastidiously combed her wig as she stood in front of the dressing mirror. When she had combed it to perfection, she fitted the brown wig on her head before carefully slipping her legs, one after the other, into her blue gown.

Walking to the drawer, she retrieved two pieces of jewelry from her jewelry box: a silver chain bracelet and a gold necklace with the letter K pendant. They were the first gifts Aaron gave her when they got married, on their first marriage anniversary. She still loved them so much.

Taking her handbag and her car keys, she began to step out of the house, making sure to check her time as well just to be sure she was still on track. She didn’t like to be late for appointments.