FORCED UNITY, TRUE LOVE

I wake up drenched in a disgusting amount of sweat still shivering from the nightmare as I search my belly for any marks that weren’t there already. This time he’d held a knife over my torso and was carving something on me, I still felt like I could feel the pain of his knife on me. I choke back a sob as I battle to hold back the tears welled up in my eyes

'It's just a dream, it’s just a dream'

I repeat the chant in my head till I feel myself calm down, nothing sucks more than a clogged nose from too much crying

Glancing over at my clock, I notice it’s 6am? I’d normally wake up from this dreams around 2-3am then stay awake till the sun was fully up.

I reach for my dream journal at the side of my bed and document in details what I’d seen in my dream.

I hurriedly get into the shower after the writing, another boring day with no friends, no siblings and my newly downloaded Seasons of Lucifer. I’m most definitely going to binge watch it all today, I have no idea why I hadn’t done that sooner. Could have made my days in the bastard’s house seem better, I know Tom Ellis fixes everything. Well most things, somethings just remain broken.

I’m drying off my body in when I hear my phone buzz with a notification, well it’s most definitely not a text, friendless and all. I check my phone and it’s a push notification on Keane Gray's latest business conquest. My blood boils as I see his face in my notifications, the sadistic son of a bitch. My father was tolerable before Keane bought off major shares to our company, he’d gotten people to buy them, then bought them from those people. He did this till he’d gotten 50 percent of our shares. He stole all the biggest clients and left my father barely holding up the company. White Corp ended up falling apart leaving us close to bankruptcy.

In a way I guess I’d have him to thank, it was the bankruptcy that made Luke break things off with me but then again he’d always put Luke in a foul mood and I’d always end up paying for it with my body. Every mark and bruise, every discoloration on my skin had Keane Gray all over it. I’d kill him if I had the chance to. Already irritated, I drop the phone on my dresser to start getting ready for my day, I put on the short black dress Luke had gifted me for show. He’d bought it off the Dior Fall 2022 show in Seoul, personally I loved the dress and I wouldn’t let a horrible man taint my fashion. It worked with my curly red hair and I’d gotten compliments on the way it brought out my grey eyes. We’d probably have to start selling off things so I’d like to wear the beauty more, not every 20 year old gets to have what I have. If it wasn’t mocking I’d say I am blessed. The short dress exposes the ugly bruises on my legs, I go through the painstaking stress of having to conceal each mark with makeup. When I’m done I check to make sure there are no marks on my body

I fall back into my bed, ready to start my Luciferthon when I hear a growl from my body, my mouth hangs open in amusement as I realize the only thing I’d had to eat the day before was an orange, one orange. I make my way out of my room and into the hallways, there aren’t a lot of helps hanging around anymore, another thing to hate Keane Gray for. My mother hates having to do anything for herself, it makes her 'perfect self' not so perfect. You’d think a stay at home wife would be more resourceful at running a house. All they do around here is get into fights about the most stupid things while skillfully ignoring their only child. Sometimes I think my mother should have been physically unable to have children, I cannot count how many times they’d forgotten they had me when I was younger. I’d been forgotten at places ranging from high class restaurants to fucking school, one time she’d forgotten she’d been walking with me and crossed the street without me in a hurry. I ended up waiting at a police station after I couldn’t find her for hours.

Dealing with neglect hurt badly as a child, I’d spend days not talking to anybody, I had to be homeschooled because I acted out at school at every slight opportunity and soiled the family name as I was always told. I’d do anything to make them notice me, make my father notice me. But as always Riccardo White was always going on and on about the Greys.

'You'd never hear that Keane Gray lit his classroom on fire, you’d never hear that Keane Gray kept rows of needles in his teacher’s chair, this Keane, that Keane.’

He didn’t care that Keane Gray was older than me with a full 10 years. Everything was always about being better than the Greys, I’d cancelled college plans and got engaged at 18 to Luke for my father and all he could think of was that Keane Gray would own a better engagement ring. And now that things are off with Luke my father couldn’t act more disappointed in me if he tried. It’s humiliating how I act around him even at 20. Once a neglected love sick puppy, always a neglected love sick puppy.

I stop at the grand door of the kitchen as the scent of freshly baked cupcakes I hadn’t noticed before, wafts through my nostrils. One of the few staffs of the house left and my favourite, Grace sets a batch of chocolate cupcakes on the counter. At 60, Grace still moves with an agility I can’t understand, she is always weirdly bubbly and downright happy. Her small frame shakes as she dances to whatever weird 80s music she’s listening to. She shrieks as she does a spin and notices me at the doorway

“Cariño are you trying to get rid of me? I almost died.”

She screams, her English thick with a Spanish accent as she whacks me with her mittens. I’m laughing as I put distance between myself and the tiny woman trying to kill me. I grab at the cakes but she pulls it away very swiftly, attacking my fingers with a ladle

“I just want the cakes Grace come on”

I whine as she catches up to me and pushes me out, she smirks and says

“Breakfast’s by 7, I’ll ring you down”

before slamming the heavy doors in my face with absolutely no stress. I laugh as I munch on one of the cakes I’d managed to get before she threw me out.

'One day I’ll be making my own cakes in my own home'

I laugh at the thought knowing I’m never getting married again, I’ll stay single and adopt a child or two whenever I feel I’m ready. Nothing is putting me back in a house with a man supposedly my husband.