Imperfect Queen: Jihan Crystal

What do you seek most in this world?

Jihan's breath was short, she continued to run, chasing a figure that was getting further away from her. The person she was chasing was in a pickup truck that had just dropped off flowers from the flower shop. Her eyes were blurred with tears. Her chest was tight. The pickup truck was getting further away... further away....

Then it disappeared around the corner of the block of Chinatown crowded with transport cars coming in and out. Jihan's steps were getting weaker, her muscles couldn't keep up with the speed of the car even though her brain kept telling her to follow Kevin. The guy who has been missing for almost ten years and now, when Jihan is eighteen years old, he has appeared again. In front of her agency's office with a flower.

She can't lose Kevin again.

She had to find him so she could look for her mom.

Her mom has been missing since Jihan was eight years old, right when she moved from Jakarta to Kuala Lumpur.

Mother....

Is mom happy now living with Kevin?

When the car turned onto the wide main road, passing cars hit Jihan's consciousness to stop on the side of the road. Several people crossing the intersection looked at Jihan with faint frowns. Jihan caught her breath and looked at the black pickup behind which there was a blurred window-where a man behind the wheel was driving further away. Without looking back, without hearing her screams.

Jihan's tears melted as she could only stare at Kevin's pickup truck which was getting further away and disappearing into the busyness of the highway. The wind blows and freezes Jihan's time and memories. The chance to meet Mama, the chance to find answers suddenly disappeared when she had to stop and stand there.

It's the second time, Jihan's lost Kevin track again.

She rubbed her eyes, smudging the eyeliner and dimming Jihan's beautiful gaze.

Bring my mother back! Give back everything you have taken from me!

The voice rang back in her head. The image of her running through the crowds along the road in Chinatown where there were a lot of people while chasing Kevin's truck, she shouted, forgetting all the attention of the people who were looking at her, gazing through her mind.

Wrapped in a wedding dress—as the theme of today's photo shoot, Jihan forgot that she had just left all her work because of Kevin's figure.

And now, as she froze in place, hearing nothing but shadows of annoyance and roars for Kevin to come back along the way, Jihan realized she had messed up. Everyone started looking at her, whispering and talking about the model from Asian's New Faces magazine who was famous for giving herself a bad image.

Jihan felt embarrassed to just go back to the road she was on earlier. Her exposed shoulders felt cold. The hem of her white skirt was trampled on and a little dirty. Jihan lifted her skirt, trying to scan how bad she looked now to be able to return to the studio. But she didn't care. She wanted to just stand here all night and wait for Kevin to come back.

She has to know where Kevin lives. Where he hides Mama.

But before Jihan made up her mind, someone suddenly covered her shoulders with a wide jacket. Jihan was surprised, she turned to the man who appeared from behind her.

The male model aka partner from her photo shoot, Elson Newton.

"You've run too far," said Elson, coming closer, then hugged Jihan close until she could feel the warmth of Elson's broad chest. Jihan lowered her head, she allowed herself to be led back by Elson to the previous road and returned to the studio.

"Sorry," Jihan said quietly. She didn't dare look at the busy street Chinatown which is full of shophouses and clothing stores full of visitors. Jihan didn't know if people still remembered her face but along this street, she was the only one wearing a white wedding dress and that alone made her stand out by herself.

"Who are you chasing?" asked Elson warmly squeezing Jihan's shoulders, moving her away from the people who were passing by without caring about the mess Jihan was making.

Jihan didn't want to answer directly but she realized that this was Elson. The guy who was closest to her for almost six months. In the shooting studio and at the agency office, only Elson could somehow understand her feelings.

"Kevin," Jihan answered briefly and concisely, but Elson could immediately understand it.

"So... he showed up?" Elson knows the whole story of Jihan's past. From the reasons why Jihan wants to be a model and the stories of her childhood with a boy named Kevin, which is still a mystery to her to this day.

"Yes," said Jihan weakly. Without any intention of discussing Kevin again because her whole brain was now focused on the mess that she left behind when she ran after Kevin from the studio.

"Did Jian get angry when I just left?"

“Don't worry about her. She knows you went downstairs to get a package."

“But this is taking too long. The last photo shoot should have been finished five minutes ago."

“That's her!” Elson shouted as they approached the front of a fairly large office building in the middle of the block of Chinatown. A woman with bop hair and a short-cut t-shirt and covered with a jacket bomber black got into the car in front of the office. Elson grabbed Jihan's hand and pulled her to run towards the woman.

“Jian!” Elson called, preventing the woman from almost closing the car door. Jian tilted her head, causing her soft hair to fall to the side of her cheek. Jian's eyes immediately narrowed, she got up again and got out of the car. Slamming the car door, she crossed her arms as Jihan and Elson approached.

"Your photoshoot has been postponed," said Jian, her tone a little cold. "I had to fly to Korea for an impromptu event." Her eyes looked at Jihan as if expecting an explanation. Jihan immediately understood that she wanted nothing to do with the main photographer from her agency. Jian is one of the busiest photographers, always efficient and prompt. Whenever there is a product that needs to be worked on and a collection album to be made, Jian is always there with her deft management skills and serious attitude towards time management.

With Jihan leaving earlier, it should have been enough to make Jian angry.

“Sorry, I shouldn't just leave like that—"

"What's wrong with you lately, Jihan? Do you feel that all the photos we took today were good? Try looking in the mirror once in a while, okay? Your eyes are always blurry, your mind wanders and it makes the whole photo look ugly. You've been working for almost two years but you still don't show any seriousness. I wonder why Crystal kept you at this agency. We—the photographers and fashion stylists know better which models are serious about working and which models are just focused on pursuing other things besides modeling.”

Elson was about to reply to Jian's words, but Jihan immediately grabbed his hand and raised her face, daring to look at Jian who was looking at her with an angry look.

“Sorry... if the results aren't good. I'll be working hard—"

“I don't need your forgiveness, Jihan. I need good photos.”

Jihan nodded, "I.. will improve myself first and focus again. Sorry, Jian."

After saying that, Jian immediately snorted and got into the car. Without saying anything, Jian immediately stepped on the gas, breaking through the crowd on the block of Chinatown who never cared about any problems that arose around the world.

***