Rekindling Joel's Heart

" There's no pain greater and more intense than heartbreak as it rips one's heart and soul. "

***

- Joel -

There were tears in her eyes.

I'd hurt her.

She loves me.

I shouldn't have said that to her.

But what could I have said?

I'd said what I had to.

What has happened has happened.

There's no reversing of it.

...

Earlier,

" Do you think there will be rain today? " That was the question Cecile had asked me when she came out of her home looking so beautiful in a blue off-shoulder prom dress.

" Nah... I don't think so. " She nodded.

I'd helped her into my car which I'd earned after saving for so many years and dancing to my Aunt's tunes.

" Thank you. "

Prom was great as always,

But it reminded me of Jemmy, my love who I'd always dreamt of attending prom with.

I didn't realize I'd zoned out until Cecile called my attention to it. " Are you okay, Joe? " Her voice was soft as ever and it reminded me of her, Jemmy.

" Yeah, I am. " I'd replied, though I was far from it.

Wise men say,

Only fools rush in.

But I can't -

The lyrics were like poison to my already wounded heart, it's been over a year and I'd thought I was all over it.

But I was wrong.

Listening to it right now, reminded me of it all.

Everything I'd been trying to forget.

Her eyes.

Her face.

Her voice.

The way she called me, " Joel. " which never ceased to make my heart skip a beat.

" Jemmy. " My heart tightened as the song continued.

I had Cecile in my arms, but I could only think of her.

My first love.

" The song is so heartfelt. " Her voice rang in my ears before our eyes locked and I saw it again in her eyes.

That look.

Oh no.

This can't be happening.

" Yeah. " I said simply, trying to keep my emotions in check.

" Hm... " Despite noticing the disappointment in her orbs, I paid it no attention.

***

" And the winner for the best couple award goes to... " I felt my heart in my throat as anticipation hit me.

Why was I feeling this way?

I'd never been concerned about these things.

Until...

" Joel Maverick and Cecile Grayson. "

Wait, what?

No.

Jemmy.

How could they?

How could this be possible?

" I can't wait for us to attend prom together, Joel. " She said in our last chat.

" Yeah... me too. " I held her hand, while we gazed at the sun.

" Do you think we can win the best couple award? " Her question got me thinking deeply.

As someone who had always struggled with self-doubt, her question made me question what I'd always told myself.

" Maybe. "

" I believe we'll win if we want to. "

" Yeah. "

" It would be nice seeing you wear the crown on that day, you know. "

" Same here. "

....

" Joel. " Her voice made me snap out of my dazed state.

" Yeah? "

" We've won. " I stared at her and for a moment there, I wasn't seeing Cecile, but Jemmy.

" Yeah. " I said, as our gaze locked again.

" Can the winners please come on stage to get their crowns? " Those words interrupted me from my thoughts and I brought my gaze to face the stage.

" Let's go. " I nodded, as we held hands and made our way to the stage.

" They look super good together. " The squeals and shrieks didn't do any good in making me feel better at all.

" There you go. " The metal made a crick sound as it was placed on my forehead.

I watched Cecile being crowned too and the moment felt ethereal, Because for a moment. I was living Jemmy's dream.

" Promise me you'll live on when I'm gone, Joel. " Her last words rang in my mind.

I can't.

How can I live when you are my lifeline?

How?

" Finally, we've got our prom king and queen. " A round of applause followed that declaration.

I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't.

I wanna feel something, but I can't.

***

Later,

" Why don't we head to the magnificent beach before heading home? " Cecile suggested when we were in my car.

" Okay. " I nodded reluctantly, all I wanted to do was head home but as it was probably the last time we'd be seeing each other. I decided to give in to her.

" We are here. " I nodded, slowly getting out of the car.

The sand was cool and soft.

Walking on it after so many years reminded me of her, Jemmy.

We'd promised to love each other till the end, hadn't we?

I wish I had known that young love mostly ends in heartbreak.

I wish I had.

" The stars are beautiful, Joe. "

" Yeah. " She turned to me and I saw it again, those raw emotions.

" Joel. "

" Yeah? "

" Ever thought of why I'd stayed despite you being so adamant on pushing me away? " Her voice was soft and sweet, like my favorite ice cream.

" Yeah. " I whimpered, preparing myself for what's coming.

" Because.... "

" I love you, Joel. " Those words, it felt as if I'd been struck by lightning as the intensity of them hit me.

" Cecile... " I stared at her not knowing how to react, and just before I could stop myself. I pulled her into my arms and claimed her lips with mine.

Emotions clouded my vision as the kiss intensified and by the time we'd separated. I had tears in my eyes.

" Joel. " I stared at the most beautiful eyes in the world as a lump formed in my throat.

" Cecile. " My fists were tightened beside me as I deeply contemplated what I was going to say.

" I'm sorry, but I don't feel the same. " The way her lips trembled at my words, made my heart ache and I knew instantly that I'd hurt her, even though that's the last thing I wanted to do.

" Why? " The pain in her eyes was so raw that I forced myself to look away for a moment.

" You are perfect, Cecile. I want to love you, but I just can't. "

" Why? " I wiped out the tears that fell out of my eyes and brought her palm to my chest. " That? It only beats for Her, Jemmy. " The pain in her eyes was evident and her mouth formed an ohhh. Before I knew what was going on, she'd snatched her palms from my hold and stood up.

" I hate you. " She spat before running off.

I never saw her again.

But that wasn't the point.

The pain in my heart was unbearable.

" You are so deserving of love, Joel. " My Aunt's voice rang in my ears as memories came flashing in my mind.

Ones I'd tried so hard to forget; The day I'd lost my purity to my Aunt.

" Please let me go. " I'd cried, whilst struggling to break free from her hold.

" You are going nowhere, Joel. You are mine. " And I've been since that very day.

I wish I was stronger to resist her.

But I'm weak, as always.

....

A/N: Wow. That was quite intense. What do you think, guys?