Love In Cold Blood

INTRO

I hugged him tight, assuring him I meant what I said. Tears streamed down my cheeks, blurring the faces of my brother and boyfriend as they watched in horror, slowly realizing what I was about to do. He began to pull away, but I held him tighter, my heart hammering in my chest as I took the final step backward, dragging him with me over the edge of the cliff. In that fleeting moment, reality sunk in like a sink hole. I was choosing to die just to bring with, the person I despised the most in this world.

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DIARY ENTRY-

Have you ever wondered what it feels like, when a sharp object meets the skin, just enough to graze it, not enough to harm it, but enough to see if you can still feel anything. Anything other than that feeling of rejection, depression, anger, and sorrow.

The hope that maybe somewhere, someone cares that you exist. That maybe, just maybe, even you care about your existence. That you're... not alone. I know what it's like. I've done it more times than I can count.

Any sharp object would do. Sometimes a kitchen blade, other times the jagged edge of shattered glass. I'd let it glide over the skin on my arms slowly, deliberately. It stings for just a split second then the blood pools from the cuts left behind.

I've been doing it since age twelve after being raped and going through the process of no one believing me and shower after shower trying to wash away... trying to wash away the feeling of utter disgust. Trying to take back my body with soap, water, and a pouf.

Just like a tattoo that feeling of... feeling like waste after your stepfather has had a long night doing whatever he wanted to u sticks. It's permanent. And in his twisted words... you are his and only his. You are permanently his. Nothing but a toy thats only disposed of when he decides. I thought living was hard as hell but so is dying.

Sixteen failed suicide attempts. Back to square one. Living a nightmare you can't die or wake up from is all there is in my world. Welcome to hell.

-Sky

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Closed the book just in time I thought as I stared back at my mom and her perverted husband. They stood in my doorway with disturbing grins on their faces. "What are you doing?" She said arms crossed as she eyed my diary.

"I was just... "Who cares? You have more important things to do, pack your things, we're going on a trip" Gerald the pig said, cutting me off. "Daddy give us a minute please," She said, practically undressing him right in front of me.

I nearly vomited. "Do you want him to give you a minute or give you his clothes?" I muttered. Only realized I said it out loud after catching their glares. If eyes could kill I was just murdered a thousand times over. I thought as I got up from my bed still holding my diary tight.

He finally left us alone. She slammed the door closed, and walked over to me slowly still glaring. Her eyes would never look at me the way you'd think a mother would look at her daughter. Instead, you could see her gaze was filled with nothing more than hatred.

She stopped just inches away from me before grabbing me by the hair. "You think I'm stupid?" she hissed, her voice as cold as ice. "What do you mean?" I asked nervously, trembling in my house slippers trying not to trip from the awkward position and also trying to avoid her eyes.

"You've been eyeing him since age twelve. Trying to seduce him in any way possible" she spat. I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, as confusion, anger, and sadness washed over me like a wave. Is she serious? She's seriously saying that I want that disgusting creature of a husband she has.

"I don't want him! I will never want him! He is the very definition of human waste!" I yelled as the tears fell down my face. Her free hand swings and just like that I'm on the floor of my room. A warm sting on the right side of my cheek as I lay there trying to figure out why my life's the way it is.

She grabs my hair once again pulling my head back so that I'm half off the floor backwards, my body contorted into that twisted position, like some exorcist movie. I winced from the pain and tried to pull away. Her grip tightened. "You will learn the hard way that you will not disrespect me or him.

Pack all of your things. I think it's time you live with your husband. It'll be good for you to learn early besides I'm sick of you opening your legs for mine" she said as she angrily pushed my head to the floor. I slowly sat up holding my hand under my nose to catch the blood.

I'm used to a lot of the painful words and beatings that come from that lady shell of a mother but what does she mean to live with my husband? I thought as I cried and dragged myself to the bathroom. Where I sat silently on the floor.

Then suddenly it hit me that she could try to sell me off into a marriage just like before. That first one failed when he learned my real age. But if this guy happens to be anything like her husband then she might succeed this time.

I couldn't get the thought to go away no matter how hard I tried. I packed everything. This time if she succeeds I'm sold off. I'll be happy to be away from her and her disgusting husband but I will not stay with that guy either. I need to make a run for it again.

This time I can do it, I just... I just wouldn't get caught.

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