Between Us

Moving to a new city has always been my plan and my dream for a few years now. The order was; get promoted, move to a new city, get a dog...making partner at the firm. I honestly looked forward to living or at least enjoying my stay here. Besides, those plans may not exactly look like the best plans to be making as a single thirty something year old woman. But those were my plans and I had nothing else to add to it.

I got my promotion and a new apartment in a new city. Those had now been checked off the list. Had no dog yet but still had plans to get a pretty female dog when I settled in–if I should. At least something to help with my connection with other beings–that was my therapist's idea.

My mom had feared that I was going to completely zone out from the rest of the world so she got me a therapist. I protested that I didn't even need one but I went to every appointment with her regardless.

I looked around my place for another moment and my eyes settled on the unused buckets of paints I had gotten earlier. I didn't know how to paint, never painted before. So, I'm not doing it myself–I wasn't planning to.

I had plans to hire a painter though. I just hadn't known the best painters in town yet.

I let out a long, heavy sigh and dragged myself to the small grey diamond couch I'd set up in the living room. My eyes drooped shut with every step towards the couch. I dropped on the couch seeking the comfort I needed at the moment as I folded up my legs together onto the couch.

This was the first time since I moved in that I was fully going to have a comfortable "sit and rest".

I still had a full day before I began working in my new office. So, hopefully there was still little time left for me to find a painter or I could just take my time and hire one next weekend. That was, I'd spoken to someone, anyone about a perfect painter around.

I drank from my mug of tea and my mind wandered off to dinner as my eyes travelled to my kitchen at the same time. I had nothing in my kitchen yet, not even a snack. I hadn't gone grocery shopping. Even though that was on my to-do list for the next day.

My phone beeped beside me almost immediately following my thought for food. I adjusted a little and lifted my butt up a bit so that I could retrieve my phone from under me. I scrolled through the tons of work emails and messages from my firm and sighed. I texted my mom and sister and told them that I was settling in well in my new home. Mom sent me a love emoji and my sister sent me a smiley emoji.

I was about to drop my phone when a notification popped up and I tapped on it. It gracefully advertised Fred and his new fiance's photo.

That panic attack came all of a sudden and I felt like I couldn't breathe for a few seconds. I couldn't say how long it was but I held the phone in my hand and just stared at the photo on the screen.

Three years had barely gone since Fred and I broke up and he was already engaged to someone else? How long had the two of them been together? I was with him for eight years before he finally proposed and stood me up at the altar.

The night before I went wedding dress shopping with his mom and mine was the last time I saw him until now–the photo displayed on my phone screen.

Fred was one person I felt so lucky that the universe brought to me. He was an amazing guy to me and the rest of the people I loved but while I was making plans to get married, Fred had other plans which clearly didn't include me.

I looked at the photo for five more horrible seconds; the woman looked so much younger. Like she was barely 18. I couldn't blame him. I was ageing and he wanted fresh blood.

I tsked and threw the phone back on the couch in the space next to me.

I took a deep breath and did three seconds of breathing exercise. I never cried when we broke up and I wasn't going to cry now not for him, not for any living man born out of a woman.

He was one reason I wanted to relocate to a new city even. But it appeared kind of absurd that I wanted to leave everything behind just for a man who clearly didn't deserve me. So, I found a perfect excuse to leave. Working for a promotion at work was the most perfect way to leave and still not totally feel like I was leaving everything behind.

I didn't even tell people that I was moving, only a few people at work and maybe my neighbours knew that I was moving out. I didn't really have friends like that.

Breathing in and out, I took the little mug from the glass table where it sat in front of me and went to dump it into my empty sink. *I picked up my phone again as I settled back in the couch*

Since I had no food, the least I could do for myself was to order food online, not like I was any fan of ordering food online. At this point, I had no choice but to order my food online. I was too tired to step out. Waiting for it, I went to get a nice warm bath while I waited for my order to arrive.

~ ~ ~

My sister called me. She wanted to know how I was doing. Apparently, she had seen the post made by Fred. My sister and I had a lot of mutual friends while growing up. So, definitely, she saw the post.

"I'm fine" I responded before saying "I've told you to stop asking me that. Hell!!" But she continued talking like my words meant nothing.

"Mommy and I are worried. So, she asked me to check on you. We both saw his proposal video online" then, she paused and I said nothing. I waited and listened. "So, Bili, are you sure you are..."

I had to cut her short, because I obviously knew what she wanted to ask me "I told you I'm fine. I don't care about Fred. Not anymore at least. So, please stop asking me that" I said and sighed, honestly hoping that I was telling the truth, even to myself.

Like, I mean, did I really not care about Fred? I doubted my answer would be "no, I don't". If I saw him again wouldn't I wish he hugged me? Well, I didn't know what I would want. And I didn't like it–that I wasn't sure what I felt exactly.

"I'm over him" I breathed out, assuring myself that I was. Even though I knew that was one of the untrue statements I've ever made.

It's just, there was always this back and forth feeling that came with news about an ex's life who happened to be the love of your life and who hurt you in a way you didn't imagine. For me, and for a long time I didn't know how to feel about Fred's break up with me. My family thought I might even commit suicide on those occasions that I shut them all out while I worked on getting over him. His mom even reached out to me once.

God! I loved that woman and we had a good relationship. Sometimes I wondered if she had known what her son was up to. But then again I doubted that she knew anything. Fred was always a bit secretive with his plans.

"Well, I'm just making sure you are actually over him and not bluffing. Coz that guy is a complete idiot" my sister's voice sounded in my ears like faded echoes. I ignored the part where she said he was an idiot.

"Yeah. I am. Thank you." I replied, wanting to actually mean my words this time. The last time I said I was fine, I wasn't actually fine. I just made up the words to get my mom out of my house and ended up staying all night watching every video and picture that Fred and I had ever taken together.

"That's why I moved here remember, so I won't have any reason to run into him while I move on with my life" I added.

I heard my sister sigh. Then I began walking down the stairs with the phone to my ears. I was going to sit and start watching a movie while I waited for my order. The delivery was taking so much time I wondered why.

"You have to be fine sis because I love you. You are my best sister in the whole world" She breathed out and I nodded my head with a smile as if she was in front of me to see my smile.

"Thank you, Gigi" I said but stopped half way down the stairs when I heard a noise. I instantly went quiet and peeped through the wooden rail handles on the stairs.

"Are you there?" My sister asked when she didn't hear my voice for a few seconds. Hell, I was trying to understand the noise I heard when another rattle of noise sounded again.

"Sh*t!" I exclaimed in a very low tone.

"Are you okay?" My sister asked, her voice filled with worry.

"I think someone has just broken into my apartment" I whispered into the phone I was holding.

"Already?" Was all she asked. As if I was supposed to have an answer to that.

I was going to end the call and go find a tool to fight the intruder when my sister spoke up.

"Don't hang up sis. Just in case I need to call 911" she whispered back. I wanted to ask why she was whispering instead of actually talking. But if only I didn't have a bigger issue at hand. I tiptoed back to my room and grabbed one of my heels–the longest pencil I had. That was the easiest tool I could reach. Besides, those heels looked pretty sharp.

When I'd grabbed my weapon, I turned around and started tiptoeing back down the stairs.

"Is the thief holding a gun?" My sister asked. She was still whispering. I didn't even know if it was a thief or if it was an actual human.

"I don't know," I replied. Then I put the phone on speaker and shoved it into the back pocket of my jean shot. I held the heel out in front of me ready to strike. I tiptoed down the stairs and made my way towards the direction I heard the sound. Hell, it was my kitchen. Was someone stealing my utensils? Because clearly I didn't have any food yet.

"Have you seen the person?" my sister whispered but I ignored her and kept walking towards the kitchen.

I finally got to the kitchen.

"Who are you and what do you want?" was the first thing I shouted as I stepped my toes into the kitchen holding out the shoe in my hand–making the pointy heel facing out properly. And when I caught sight of the intruder, I completely froze. I didn't know if I was breathing or not but I just froze.