Second Chance At Love: Love me now or yes

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 1

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩,𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶." 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳.

𝘈𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘪'𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘭𝘥 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯.

"𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶,𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨" 𝘪 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘱𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺.

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨,𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘳..𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘶𝘩,𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦"

"𝘓𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦,𝘯𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘺,𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦" 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘴𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘵.

𝘔𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘩𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘱𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺.

****

"𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶?𝘩𝘶𝘩..𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘰𝘦?" 𝘏𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦.

"𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯?𝘪 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬" 𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘳𝘺.

"𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬...𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘰𝘯,𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦" 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘵.

"𝘕𝘰,𝘯𝘰 𝘯𝘰.. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺,𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺.." 𝘐 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘪 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨,𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦.

Am brought out of my reverie by the ding of the coffee machine.

I took the mug and sipped my coffee and placed it back on the island table, moving my finger at the rim of the mug,my mind filled with everything,the beatings,the words,each and everything that broke me....

Everything that killed my self esteem,the words that always reminded me how worthless I was,how unworthy of love I was.

'No,no,not today Esme...we've got a lot of work to do'I thought out loud shaking my head.

*****

Making my way into the gallery,I check the time,7:45 am...okay,not too late.

15 minutes later,I changed the sign at the door to open,ready for today's business.

"Good morning, you're welcome and feel free to look around if you'll see anything you like."I said giving my best smile to the lady in front of me.

"Good morning,thanks ..am actually looking for a good design to fix in my new home"she said smiling brightly at me.

"Ooh,I think I know a piece you would love "I say now eager to show her the new piece I drew not long.

"Sure" nodding she said as we made our way to the piece.

"Awwn,I love this very much,I would like to go with this"she said happily as she admired the painting.

"Okay,no problem,am just gonna wrap this up real quick and hand it over"I said taking the piece off it stand and getting a wrapping paper to wrap it.

"Here you go,you can go over to the counter by the door and make your payment "I said handing it over.

""Alright,thanks"she said accepting it and making her way to the counter.

"You're welcome to come back"I heard the voice of Jessie, she's the one at the counter and the only person I can say am familiar with even though we aren't close.

I pulled my hair back as I tried tying it up with a scrunchie,as I moved into my studio ready to drown my self in the day's work.

Setting up a canvass,and adjusting it well on the stand,I grabbed my palette with a brush mixing in my colors.

I moved to the speakers and connect it to my phone playing the usual slow song I do play anytime I want to draw or paint.I always feel much comfortable with a low background sound... anytime I try doing something that needs my concentration.

Putting on an overall,to avoid getting my clothes stained,I sat on the stool ready to do what I do best.

Humming to the song playing,I started first with a stroke followed by other strokes no longer humming as I drowned my self to my work, drawing ...my mind filled with different thoughts.

Sometimes,I always wonder what if all these never happened,what if I never met him or her...what if I had a little more sense to discern there was something wrong when I saw those signs.what if,I'd been brave and more confident in my self.

I remember every damn thing,all the conversations, promises, memories...

Smiling bitterly,it was like I was back to that period... it felt so scary and it still scares me.

"𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘦,𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥...𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘢" 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘦𝘳.

"𝘕𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶,𝘢𝘮 𝘌𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘥𝘢...𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘌𝘴𝘮𝘦" 𝘪 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦.

"𝘚𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘌𝘴𝘮𝘦,𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘷" 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘦..

"𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘓𝘪𝘷" 𝘪 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

"𝘈𝘢𝘳𝘨𝘩𝘩..𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴,𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥" 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩 𝘫𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺.

"𝘞𝘩𝘺?"

"𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸,𝘪 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴,𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴"

"𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭,𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘌𝘴𝘮𝘦,𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘴" 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵.

How stupid I was to actually believe they were best friends... looking back,the signs were there as bright as day.

I was just too naive to notice it... standing up from the stool,i began drawing frantically trying to erase my mind of all thoughts,I need to stop thinking about everything that happened,am free...'it's all in the past'

'Yes,yes,it's all in the past..have moved on'i muttered as I picked up another color, smiling at what was already forming on the canvass.

"Drowning"I whispered,that will be the name of this piece.Yes.

Already concluding the piece,I added the final touch to the painting,I heard my phone ringing.

'who could that be'i thought as I made my way to my phone.

"Hello,please..am I speaking with Miss Jordans"A voice said from the other end of the phone.

"Yes,yes,you are.How may I help you?" I asked.

"Am calling from the charity foundation,I need to confirm if the piece is ready?"she said again.

"Oh,Yes..it's ready,when can you pick it up?"I questioned as I started cleaning up my things ready to go back home and relax.

"Great,someone will drop by to pick it very soon..infact the person should be at your gallery in the next let's say..5 minutes"she said again.

"Okay,no problem.. I'll be expecting the person"I said hanging up.

Packing my bag and car key,I made my way out of the studio towards Jessie to tell her to expect the person coming to get the painting.

"Hi,Jessie..uh,I wanted to tell you tha-"I was cut off by the sound of the bell signifying the entry of a person.

As I turned am met with a young lady.

"Hi,am Rose,from the charity foundation"she said smiling politely as she brought out an Id to show me.

" Oh,great..nice to meet you,I was about telling her about your coming"I replied giving her a small smile.she seemed nervous.

"Okay,sorry,if am late"she said as I signalled her to follow me.

"No worries,you weren't late"I replied.

"Okay,here is the piece.. it's all wrapped and ready for you to take"I said as I handed the painting over to her.

"Thanks,a lot.."she said as we made our way out.

"No problem, you're welcome and take care"I replied.

"Am gonna get going Jessie "I said turning to Jessie who was calculating today's sales.

"Okay,Bye and have fun" she said smiling softly at me.'Jessie is a very nice person and she will make a great friend if I actually accept people back into my life'I thought.

"Thanks,you too and don't stay too long okay"I replied smiling back as I made my way out of the gallery towards my car.

"Sure"I heard her voice faintly.

Parking my car few minutes later,as I reached my apartment.

I made my way in, changing my shoes by the door step into my fuzzy slippers,I made my way into the kitchen dumping my bag on the couch.

'Am so tired,and I need a well deserved sleep'i thought to my self as I drank a cup of water.

Going to bed has always been a hurdle for me,from a good sleep to nightmares and they are non ending.

I rinsed the cup and kept it at the cup rack and I made my way to my room,I need a shower before trying to sleep.

Stripping,I made my way to the bathroom,as I stood under the shower, turning on the shower as I stood with the water pouring on me.

Few minutes later,am done showering as I wrapped a towel around myself moving towards the mirror set,I sat as I started my skin care routine.

After everything,have passed through have learnt to love my self more and take care of my self before anything.

Am no longer going to ignore myself or put anything first before my self.Am going to love myself much better than before.

I stood up and made my way into the closet and changed into my pyjamas,making my way to bed ready to get some sleep..if possible,I set my alarm and laid my head on the pillow.

'uhh,so soft'i thought to my self giggling a little.

'Am brave,am bold and am beautiful' I said softly drifting off.